A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:After weeks of self help books reminding me I'm a strong independent woman and I'm beautiful and I don't need a man (which is all entirely true!!) I would normally take these 6 months in my early twenties to love being single with no attention or socialising - it would normally be great I love 'me' time, but I can't deny the fact I miss socialising and having a little male attention and that sexual contact when you fancy a certain someone.I work with my sister from home setting up my own business which is going FANTASTIC - so grateful for it. I'm starting to get the hang of things and know I can balance a social life as well as getting lots work done. We've got a lot of opportunities to go out to socialise, but we're always saying no because we've got work to do. We only find ourselves going out to meals with a tiny group of really close friends. When I suggest to go out to gigs, nights out ect my sister thinks I'm stupid for wanting a guy and completely denies saying work is more important which I do agree with.To stop myself getting sexually frustrated I read these books to remind me I don't need it. But then once I've finally got over it I have a sexual dream taking me back to square one desiring the male body. Here's the thing - I never go out to socialise how will I find a guy? Even if I do I don't want to give out the vibe that I'm desiring that. I would want to get to know someone properly before jumping into bed but the waiting game is tough. I know when I finally don't want anything like that, it will come, how do I stop myself desiring?Any advice?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 January 2014):
 All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
and the OP a cranky lady.
yes having goals and a drive to get there are good... but you have to plan for some down time and fun.. you can't work all the time.
why do you need your sisters permission or attendance to go out?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2014): Here's an idea that even your sister will probably want to participate in.
Now that you are starting a business, you should enroll in small-business seminars, management classes, and attend business-development lectures. You learn a lot about running a business; and hobnob with other local business owners. That includes men! These meetings are usually packed.
You have to learn to make male-friends simply for the benefit of male companionship; not only sex or starting relationships. One thing often leads to another anyway.
It is inevitable that relationships may develop; because you are adults, but you need to just enjoy the company of a man without it always leading to the bedroom. You still need exposure, and you also need to have access to a wide variety of types. This will expand your views and attitude toward men. It will also help you to grow as an individual.
When you say socialize, I would assume you mean going out on dates, and having some fun. Dancing, concerts, shows, walks, and drives with the top down. You need to enjoy things outside the bedroom as well.
This is how people learn more about personalities and form connections based on more than hormones and grinding genitals. We learn how to enjoy being with each other, form true friendships, and gain allies. The ultimate benefit is forming better bonds, leading to more fulfilling relationships on different levels. For different reasons.
Your sister just wants you stay focused on your budding new business. An infant business requires dedication and keeping your eye on the core of your business. Getting involved with a man at such a critical time may keep you too distracted. She doesn't want to carry the weight by herself. She may also know how you've behaved in the past; when you were romantically involved, and feels you need to enjoy single-life a little longer. However; don't let her rule your life either. That's your responsibility.
You don't stop your desires, you satisfy them in different ways. You keep things balanced and keep your impulses regulated. Masturbation will curb your sexual appetite; but you don't have deny yourself pleasure either. It's only a preoccupation at the moment; because you're a little deprived. Don't let that overrun your thoughts. Do something about it. Get a toy as a standby.
Go out and register for the seminars and lectures to mingle with eligible men, and network.
Who says you can't kill two birds with one stone? You can go out for coffee and drinks afterward. Most of the seminars I've attended; you get to schmooze with folks before and after, and I've made some great contacts. You get dozens of business cards. You may even find people that share common-interests, and prove helpful as consultants. Who says sex may not be another side-benefit? Just lookout for married-men on the prowl, and you'll be just fine!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (17 January 2014):
 There is nothing wrong with desiring a man...its wrong if you curb it though! Why shouldn't you desire a man? What's not right here is what your sister says about you being stupid for wanting a guy. Work is undoubtedly important but what's that thing we know about all work and no play? That it makes you dull and that's exactly what will happen if you don't balance your work with a love life and social life. Don't let your business take over your life because on the one hand while you will succeed professionally, on the personal front it will leave you feeling utterly frustrated and depressed.
You sound like an intelligent, sensible woman and I'm sure you wont make a silly mistake of jumping into bed before you know a guy but to know a guy you must first meet a guy! Start from somewhere...get your friends to introduce you to a good guy they might know of, you might even meet anyone through your business....the possibilities are endless; just don't shut them out. Don't get your sister or anyone else guilt-trip you into having normal, natural desires which everyone is allowed to have and explore. You are absolutely allowed to have a personal life along with your business and you should never ignore that or shut it out. If that was the case, then all the super successful people in the world would be single and without any life to talk about!!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 January 2014):
 Whoa! All you need now are some cats and you will fit the profile of a frustrated "old maid" get on line and find you some good old fashoined porn then go buy a vibrator!
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (17 January 2014):
Are you opposed to casual sex? If you want to stay single and can trust yourself to not get attached, AND are not morally opposed to it, this can be a good option as long as you take steps to stay safe. I know some people may be opposed to that advice, but as you said, you're a strong, confident, modern woman.
If that isn't your bag, or if you think you would feel AT ALL guilty, then curl up with a few steamy romance novels and a vibe to get you through this dry spell.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 January 2014):
 Two thoughts come to mind:
1. The success of your new business is THE MOST IMPORTANT matter, for the time being. Don't compromise that for a little nik-nik..... and,
2. You are going to encounter men within the business environment... and, in a strange twist of irony, you and he (they) are going to have "something in-common" because you are meeting in "common" circumstances.
Be patient.
Good luck....
P.S. (Masturbating can be fun!).
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