A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I would like to get some advice on how to deal with a very young, very confused man, who was the best person in the world a couple months ago, madly in love with me, and then suddenly started to doubt everything and to block any form of feeling, therefore becoming a complete disrespectful jackass. I was told it's a common situation: boy meets girl, boy is head over heels in love, tells the girl she's the woman of his dreams, and then boy gets scared and everything becomes a pressure point. Then boy starts feeling like crap because he feels he's acting cowardly and hurting girl by not knowing what he wants and acting half-heartedly. So boy starts losing his feelings, mainly because of himself. But boy knows he has an amazing connection with girl, and doesn't want to lose her, and starts acting and talking nonsense. Then it becomes a massive chaos and boy is unhappy and girl cries a LOT. I'm the girl. I broke up, three months ago, so exhausted with all the questioning of everything. He's insecure, miserable, and so very confused at the time. I can see he still loves me, but he doesn't know what he wants and he rejects me at the same time. And then he misses me. And then he gets scared. And then he rejects me. What do I do to make this better? What do I NOT do? How do I save my two and a half year, broken-up relationship? Please, please, I'm dying for some advice. I have no idea what to do anymore. I love this guy to the moon and back and want to have his babies. Guys, have you ever been confused in this way? I have a feeling it's a young man's disease. What would have made things better for you at the time coming from the girl you loved? Girls, ever had to deal with that situation before? How did you come out of it?
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female
reader, KimPossiblee  +, writes (18 March 2014):
 Hi, I am going through the same thing but in my case, he is ten years older than me and we've only dated for 7 months. I am 27 years old. I have to say through the 7 months he's spoiled me rotten, eating out, gifts, dining, shopping, traveling, plus he spoiled my daughter as well, The only problem was he was insecure/bipolar. He has his issues where one day he wants me, then one day he doesn't. This is where I put a stop to it and realized its not healthy for me. Men's now and days don't know what they really want, and only god knows why. The best advice I give myself is to walk away. Don't go in circles if its meant to go straight. I love him still but I feel like it has come to an end, where theres no going back just because I already know what the outcome would be. Do yourself a favor and be smart, and do whats best for you. Don't be needy, be independent and strong. I know you can do it on your own! find yourself and everything will fall into place!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 March 2014):
 The commitment phobe could be a young man's disease but where is the need to be a disrespectful jackass? Not all the commitment phobes are miserable and insecure. You got the worst combination here and the only one you have to save is yourself because love can't change a person. He sounds depressed.
If the question is how to save your on and off relationship, then do nothing, because the cycle would just keep repeating as long as you cater to his whims and put your needs aside. Then accept that the only time he feels like seeing you is when he is on the edge of losing you again.
If the question is to stop this cycle however, the only way is to break up with him altogether.
He doesn't know what he wants, but it doesn't mean you have to be stuck with him to figure this out. You love the part of him that tells you sweet things, but not the part when he refuses you. Don't confuse wanting a normal relationship with loving a man who's in such a sorry state.
You might want to be with an older man who's more experienced and probably more established in his career. An older man is more likely to know what he wants in life. Even so, you can only take what a man says at face value. Yes, be happy when dating again, but when the outcome doesn't turn out great don't be surprised either. It's true that a man can't be strong all the time but for the majority of the time the relationship should be relaxing and fun. Obstacles would be inevitable but the important thing is to resolve issues, or at least show some progress. He seems to want to be stuck because change is scarier than remaining where he is.
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