A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I weigh 42kg. I used to be a previous model however always been naturally petite. My boyfriend has naturally a slow metabolism and he can gain weight quickly. While he does talk quite a bit about him getting fit as he's definitely on the chubbier/unfit end which he would agree with. I could understand if my boyfriend was a personal trainer however he does not gym, the occasional game of sport is his exercise. I think we all have room for improvement. The modelling industry has put so much pressure on my appearance that any comment, obviously not once but every now and then can just put me over the edge. My boyfriend might ask what my plans are for the next day and then says comments like "you could do a few exercises in your room" or talks about how he wants him and I to go to a gym on our holiday we have planned soon. While he never says it with a bad tone, as a woman we are very prideful when it comes to our self esteem and I don't know how to react to comments like this. I'm considered thin/skinny and maybe underweight even when I eat a lot. It's just my build. Yet I can't help but feel he's implying something.He's previously said comments like "oh I love you in gym clothing" or when we first met, he told me he loved athletic girls. He's mentioned before he's jealous of my fast metabolism. He doesn't want me to put on muscle by the way, he's not into very muscly women.Because I haven't reacted negatively before to it, he may be confused if I say something. Should I state that it seems he's trying to be passive aggressive and that he cannot accept me for who I am? Unless I'm being silly because a few weeks ago I did send him a photo of my body after I had done a workout in my room. At the same time, I want him to know I'm not happy with this. Yet I do not want to cause an argument.
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his ex, I love you, jealous, muscle, petite, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 July 2017):
 He is insecure beside you, its as simple as that. Don't try and make something out off nothing. Try exercising with him and raising his confidence.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (29 June 2017):
 He's doing it out of insecurity. Unfortunately, it's a two-edged sword for him. He knows full well how good and fit you look, and it magnifies how UNFIT he is compared to any other guy he *knows* you can get. You being a model in the past means you could get any guy and drop him at a moment's notice. He is ACUTELY aware of that!
Some guys who are insecure or have self-esteem issues will react by making those comments like he's making with you to try to emotionally keep you off-balance in order to KEEP you. Some sites that give advice to guys dating really hot women actually SUGGEST not to praise the girl in order to keep her from getting too big of an ego and leave him or have power or leverage in the relationship. That's what this is - relationship power politics.
It's his way of trying to keep power in the relationship. He knows you're the one holding the cards, and he doesn't want YOU to know that. If you are confident, secure in who you are, he's afraid you'll realize what he believes is an absolute certainty....that he's not good enough for you. That is the source of his comments and actions. That's why the comments about your metabolism. He's aware of everything he eats, believe me!
Call him on it. Do it as matter-of-fact in person as you did on here when you told us. Tell him that your fitness is fine without any help from him, and that you love how you look. DON'T overcompensate for his insecurity. Tell him that you CHOOSE to be with him, and that you accept him as he is and tell him that you expect no less from him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 June 2017):
 It sounds to me like his comments are a snide remark to HIMSELF and not to you. If you are thin, and even perhaps considered underweight, then why do you assume he talks about going to the gym because he wants YOU to work out? I am thinking he just wants your company and that it motivates him to work out if you come along.
I think perhaps, you can ask him if this is what he wants. Because he keeps talking about working out and asking to go to the gym with you, yet he doesn't do it on his own. Ask him if he would like you to accompany him and work out together to get him started on getting fit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2017): Its good that you dont want to cause an argument but you have to say something at least. If you like working out then thats you, if you want to get muscels then thats up to you dont let him boss you around. But you keep working out but if one day he tells you that he doesnt like how you look, dump him. Sorry:(
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