A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My live in boyfriend of 4 years has been hiding pictures of his ex wife around our bedroom. I found them while cleaning. One was even tucked in a photo album that I made for him for last Xmas. It is right by his side of the bed. I would not even have seen it if I was not dusting and it fell out.What does this mean? I hate to say where my mind is going. I mean we already have pictures of her in old photo albums in the next room. The fact they are hidden and right by the bed bothers me. I am going to ask him but I doubt he will tell me the truth. I am trying not to fly off the handle about this.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (8 December 2012):
 My parents have been married for fifty years, my dad is 76 years old and to this day, he keeps a photo in his wallet of a lady he dated before my mother. It has always bugged my mum and over the years it's almost become a kinda family joke, but I know it's a thorn in her side.
My dad has never commented on the photo or said why he keeps it. If asked about it, he usually just laughs it off and as he is head of our family, we know better than to really push him over it.
I know he loves my mother and she him, he demonstates it every day and she is his life. I think she loves him enough to know he wasn't always hers and that he is entitled to his memories...and that is all they are.
Nobody can tell us by how many degrees we should love someone or how long that love should last...it's one of life's mysteries, but the fact is that he is with you and only you know if his love for you feels deep and true...
Trust in that rather than the memories he keeps.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (8 December 2012):
 I am going to agree with dylan1. He was after all married to her and was probably a significant person in his life. Those feelings and memories don't disappear overnight.
You don't mention why or how long ago they were together (or even how long they were married) but I suspect they are just keepsakes from an earlier time.
If they bother you, I'd be matter of fact about it. Tell him you don't feel comfortable having them in your bedroom and that they should be stored in the attic / closet or some place where they are out of sight and out of mind. You deserve a bit of peace of mind too.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2012): it sounds like he misses her a lot and has a deep emotional attachment to her. or perhaps he misses the life they had together or some aspects of it and what she represented, even if he does not miss her per se.
you shouldn't fly off the handle at him for this, because this is his feelings. I doubt he's keeping this photo of her just to manipulate you and deliberately hurt you. I'm assuming that he's not trying to rile you up, and instead it's a reflection of his feelings. You shouldn't fly off the handle at him for his feelings. Feelings are what they are. If he misses her, then he misses her and nothing he can do about it. He can't just wish away his feelings.
You should either just leave it alone and respect his privacy and his right to have his private possessions and private thoughts that don't involve you, or else if you're really bothered then you should talk to him about it NOT to 'get' him to put away this photo but simply to try to understand him and where he's coming from and work on assuaging your fears and anxieties.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2012): It sounds like he has some unresolved issues. Is it a picture of the two of them or just her? My mind would be the same place as yours...I'd lay it on top of the bed so he knows you saw it, and see how he tries to explain it.
If he can't let go of his past, there won't be much of a future for you. I'd confront him. Good luck.
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