A
female
age
41-50,
*luo
writes:So this is the situation...I met a really lovely cancerian guy aged 27 through a really good friend, whilst out for drinks. We ended up going out almost every week after that as a threesome for dinner and drinks, for about a month. So one day during dinner he asks me to describe my perfect guy and I then ask him the same - and we both basically describe each other and laugh - my friend is completely against this and rolls her eyes (she's worried that it will make things awkward if things don't work out). The following week I tell him that I wanted to take a chance with him (after leaving a 8yr marriage back in Dec 11, although we had more or less broke up emotionally before that).He then responds by asking me out on a date that weekend and we have a really nervous (which I put down to sexual tension!), but good time...ending up back at his place.....For some stange reason he loses his erection twice and I'm thinking its me (30yrs after 3 kids) as he siad this had never happened before but he was always complimenting my body during??? He felt really embaressed and only two days later said he believed it was a sign that we shouldn't take this any further and that it all just felt a bit wierd anyway. And who am I to argue right....Then I tell me friend 'well there you go, nothing to worry about, we are not getting toegther' to put her mind and ease and to try and get things off my chest. But we ended up in an arguement as I just felt like she had too much of an opinion of what I was doing with my personal life. Also I felt that she doomed us for failure rather than giving us a chance or approaching me correctly about her concerns - she was really condescedning and arrogant about her opions - I felt really disrespected.So now, the story ends with me on my own - I have told my friend I need a breather and space from her. And the guy, well he asked to meet me and then cancelled on the same day, only after I had contacted him to find out what time we should meet, I don't beleive he woudl have called...I am not waiting for his call as I can take a hint!!!I now just feel so embaressed and like a slut! And super alone....any tips on how to get through this will my head held high??? Do you think the guy still likes me but just immature??? Should I let go of both associates and just build a new friend base??? Does this guy even sound worth it and interested in me???Thanks for reading xxxxxxxx
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broke up, erection, immature, threesome Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 March 2012):
 You're right OP, you will look back at this and laugh. And you should never settle for anyone or anything in life, trust me, there will be so many better people for you to be friends with, and a wonderful man for you to be with. Till then endure these bumps on the road with a smile.
As regards FWB situations, please avoid them altogether. Just take a quick look at the questions here on dear Cupid on FWBs' and you will see what an awfully bad idea it is. So maybe in retrospect its a good thing that things went awry with this guy, you were saved from a lot of trouble. Count your blessings!
A
female
reader, Fluo +, writes (26 March 2012):
Fluo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAunty Em, You're right it's a club or something really neutral to meet like minded people and just spend quality time with myself. This may be a tiny mistae but I've learnt a hellova lot!!! Thanks xxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, Fluo +, writes (26 March 2012):
Fluo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Anonymous123, Thanks for your replying with your thoughts. I am soooo forgetting this guy as I have to trust that there is alwas more out there, in love and friendships and I cannot settle. I knew he wasn't the 'next big thing' but I was hoping that we could be FWB but now I know that just would not work for me right now or maybe never??? Plus I'm not one to hold onto things that are not working so I'm happy to let them both go...but it still hurts - they were friends just way to immature for me in the place I am in right now. I just have to figure out a way to build my self-esteem....can't wait to look back at this next year and laugh!!!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (26 March 2012):
 Yep it's hard to get over the feelings of loss when you divorce and you will be emotionally vulnerable for quite some time. It doesn't mean you have to knock dating on the head completely. Maybe a better route to meeting people would be to join a club or activity where you can meet new folks, both men and women.
This is just one tiny mistake and I bet you that even if you had of kept dating that guy that eventually you would have let things go as you deal more and more with your past.
Keep things light for now, love and respect yourself first and foremost, enjoy your freedom because, honestly its a precious time and just maybe wait a little into the future for love to find you.
Hugs and love
Em xxx
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (26 March 2012):
This seems like something that was doomed from the word go. Your friend wasn't too happy about this and you were ready for sex on the first date. You left an 8 year marriage in Dec 2011 and within three months you were sending out feelers that you're ready for the next big thing. Plus the guy is 27 years old, even younger than I am, so I can only assume his emotional maturity at dealing with an older, divorced woman with 3 kids, who seems to be hunting him out. Do you get what I'm saying? Your intentions were right but they came across as all wrong.
Now to answer your questions.
"How to get through this will my head held high??" ...Just let things be the way they are. Ignore him, ignore your friend, work on yourself and your self esteem. What happened with you isn't the end of the world, even though you might think it is! Its OK, relax, calm down, don't be so hard on yourself.
"Do you think the guy still likes me but just immature?"...Forget the guy, forget that he ever existed. Do you really want to get into something that's already so messed up?
"Should I let go of both associates and just build a new friend base?"...Its always nice to make new friends. Meet new people, start afresh and meanwhile if you bump into either of these people, just smile and exchange pleasantries.
"Does this guy even sound worth it and interested in me?"...FORGET the guy, he's not worth it.
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A
female
reader, Fluo +, writes (26 March 2012):
Fluo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is so good, you guys are great...AuntyEm, you're right about the whole first date sex thing but I felt like I had been on dates with him all the time we were meeting up...now I know better...maybe it was due to it being so soon that made him as nervous as he was??? I think I was just missing the closeness and intimacy of a marriage partner.
To both of the latter answers, your insight is very very useful, thanks xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (26 March 2012):
Hmmm Ok...
Firstly, if your friend didn't want you to hook up with the guy she should not have introduced you in the first place.
Secondly, you were a bad bad girl for entering into any kind of sexual play on a first date. I know thats difficult not to do but it usually only has one ending, which has infact happened...Game over.
Thirdly, the guy sounds immature and confused about what he wants...but has made it clear he doesn't want you. You have been relegated to the 'ego boost' zone without things ever getting off the ground. So, in short, he might keep popping up every now and then with his funny crazy little games, just so he can reassure himself that someone is 'into' him and make himself feel good without caring how it affects you.
Fourthly, it sucks that you fell out with your friend, but seems she was a bit of a controlling figure anyhow and really you have just played unwitting piggy in the middle.
You have every reason to hold your head high because you have learned from the mistakes, now know the pitfalls and have seen your friend and this guy for who they really are.
Find a new friend and maybe avoid dating friends of friends in the future.
xxxxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): you are only 3 months on from an 8 year marriage, so i would be tempted to advise to move on. You will probably have a few hits and misses as you make your way through the dating game after the best part of a decade away from it all.
i don't think the guy is worth it because after one date he has left you feeling embarrassed and has cancelled on you. now is the time for you to find the partner who best suits your wants and needs and he doesn't sound like he is doing so well. don't be compromising now right at the beginning of a relationship, you have only just got out of one that didn't work out.
as to your body after 3 kids, don't put yourself down, a good man wouldn't judge you. same goes for a good friend.
remember to have a good idea about what you expect in a friendship and relationship and don't sell yourself short.
the idea is now is your time, you are starting over again, get it right don't settle for less than how you expect to be treated.
best wishes x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): Youll probbably get better answers than mine but since i stopped by to read I'll post,
i dunno much about your situation but im pretty sure he would be HELLA embarrased and feel like a failure... was he nervous during your date did u say? Maybe he really liked you and now feels like complete shit and that he made a bad impression and that you dont like him anymore...?
You said he asked to meet up again after? But cancelled? Sounds like he wants to get over himself and meet you again but his ego is still hurting from your last encounter...
Maybe give it a week or something and then call him just to strike a casual convo? Not to meet up but just ask how hes doing or something- just show youre still interested and like him.
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