A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I split up with my boyfriend of a year and a half 2 months ago because we live in different countries and the distance/trust was becoming too hard to handle. We had a good relationship, but we never trusted each other because of the distance and therefore constantly argued. He was a real manly man, tall, muscly, skinhead, played sport, drank beer etc... The kinda man im attracted to. BUT whilst he wasnt bad to me, he didnt give me the affection a girl needs. For example he would rather me straddle him than cuddle him.Since we have been split up, Another guy has been texting me. I've kept the conversation friendly, slightly flirty. I have only been talking to him for a couple of weeks but he does anything for me. He treats me like a princess eventhough we aren't together, and always says 'I'd love a girl like you'. He's really sweet BUT he's short, skinny and not very attractive.I can't stop thinking about my ex boyfriend, I'm so attracted to him, hes gorgeous.. but he lacks personality points that I need, e.g affection. The other guy has all these points.. and yday he asked me if I wanted to be something more than friends. I know with him I'd have a stable relationship, I could trust him 100% and therefore probably be happy. But as the weeks have passed I realise I don't find him physically attractive at all.I know this is all really shallow, And I know people say 'Beauty is on the inside', But if your not physically attracted to someone... It's not going to work. Why can't I let my ex go??? And do I give this guy a shot?? Or leave both of them alone??
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female
reader, michelle_louise88  +, writes (23 August 2010):
I think you should leave them both alone. I know they say, looks aren't everything. But its quite surprising how many people are out there are hypocrites(sorry, cant spell). Your also comparing both guys together, which is why your still thinking about your ex as he is probably brad pitt compared to the short guy. But seriously, move on with your life. With your first boyfriend you had no trust and thats one of the main keys in a relationship and the other guy was probably there for you when you was feeling down. There are loads of decent men out there with a heart of gold. Good luck :)
A
female
reader, Angelripper  +, writes (23 August 2010):
 If you guys don’t have trust, then you don’t have a relationship. You guys are gonna be constantly driving each other up the wall wondering what the other one might’ve done, you are never gonna believe each other, and ultimately you will never be secure.
As for your ex not being affectionate enough, have you spoken to him about how you feel neglected? If he cares for you or is understanding in the least bit, he will try to change some of his ways to make you feel a bit better. Relationships are about compromise!
Don’t play around with this new guy if you still have feelings for the old one (although they seem to be more lusty emotions than loving ones from what I can tell, you seem to be infatuated with your ex more than anything ... but I don’t know your situation entirely, so I couldn’t say). It’s always better to get over someone completely before moving onto someone else, and this could take longer than just a couple of months.
Well, I think it’s totally normal for people to have to be physically attracted to each other, at least to a certain extent to be together. It’s a definite component to the BEGINNING of any relationship, so don’t worry about that.
I would suggest leaving both of them alone, taking time to get over your ex, and move on. This new guy may just be a rebound for you, so I think it’d be wise to take some time to yourself before moving on (or going back with you ex).
Best of luck,
- The Resident Metalhead
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A
male
reader, FGC +, writes (23 August 2010):
 It sounds to me like you need more time. There is nothing wrong with you hun. It's easy to conflicted when it comes to getting over an ex. The guy not being you type may or may not be a problem. I say this because sometimes after you've fallen for someone they can suddenly become attractive. It's good that you realize that having a physical attraction is important. Yes, you're shallow but here's the big secret: So is everybody else. It's a part of being human. We all have preferences, and sometimes we have overlooked some people simply because we didn't find them physically attractive. I don't mean to say that everyone is looking for "beautiful" people. Just that for a relationship to work you need a physical attraction and more often than not a relationship starts (or you at least consider someone) due to a physical attraction. Again, this isn't a good way to start off a relationship which is why I was glad to hear you split up with your ex. If you aren't happy then you need to pull out. This new guy seems sweet and you should probably give him a chance but not right now. It really sounds like you just need more time to get over your ex. Even though you may realize that you will never get back with your ex, it still takes time to those shake those lingering feelings. It's only been two months so you'll be fine with time. You're young and you don't need someone else just yet. I'd say wait and once you feel you're ready, try the new guy. But for now, tell him you just aren't ready. You can decide whether or not you want to explain why. Love is tough but so worth it. Hope this helped hun. Good luck~FGC
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