A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid (I guess it's an appropriate why to start),I have been going through quite a bit of distress and frustration the last 2 months or so. I never thought I would turn to a service like this for advice or answers but I've come to the point where I need some advice. I don't even know who I'm addressing with this e-mail but I hope somehow this will benefit me. I had been dating a girl for the 2 years up until mid June. We had become so close that she had applied for to my University in hopes to be close to me. I had found us an apartment, we had a cat, and were basically just waiting out the summer to live together. We ended up having an argument sometime late in May, and we decided to go do some relationship counselling just so we could get ourselves prepared for next year. We weren't going to salvage it, just strengthen ourselves. Anyways, we went for two sessions before she said she thought we had the tools to do fine and there was something she was going through that she had to sort out herself. She wouldn't tell me what it was.About a week later, she tells me that she has a crush on a guy asked her out at this battle of the bands. She had been talking to him online, and had become friends with friends of his. I told her we could work through it and we'd be okay. Eventually I notice her mood and attitude change drastically. She would smile at me, obviously unhappy and then look away, and would generally act like she was miserable. We ended up breaking up but still talked and said we'd still be friends in Windsor.Two days later, I see her driving around with this guy after she told me she was staying in to watch movies with her sick mom. I called her on this and she acted upset and said she didn't have feelings for him. Unfortunately I had already cancelled our relationship on facebook and had a vague message saying I was better than people who lie. She got upset by this.About two weeks later I go out for a run at night to the park as I can't sleep. I end up seeing them there. I confront her when she's done and she cries, saying she's sorry. After I walk her home, she blames the whole thing on me, saying I stalked her.We continue to talk but she refuses to hang out with me, saying it's too soon. One week later, as I am out running again (insomnia) I see her and this guy making out at her work station. Of course me being the fool I am, call her and ask her why she's doing this. She tells me she's going to get a restraining order against me, altho her work is at a main intersection and I didn't look for her. She says she can do whatever she wants now. Like I predicted, to save her dignity she waits a month, until her birthday, to display her new relationship online. I attempt to talk with her but she deletes me after her cousin, whose father I was a pallbearer for this summer, asks me out as friends for lunch and she finds out. Her cousin deletes me after that too, being told I am a stalker.Now, 2 months later, I am back to school and she cancelled her classes/apartment so she can stay here, presumably to be with this band guy. Yet the day I move, she contacts me oddly enough and talks to me. I had told her in a letter I left with some gifts that I had wanted to marry her (we talked in May about it quite seriously) and reminded her of things only we would know. I've also found out she has been looking at postings/writing I do on this site, it shows her username and shows she stays up til Midnight looking. I don't know what to do. I have seen two girls since we broke up, but my heart is still with her. I am wondering what I can do to someone get her back, and I know many will say it isn't worth it. I just don't believe we'd be so excited for over a year to live together, talk about marriage, kids with redhair, and me being chosen as a pallbearer for her to just leave me for some wannabe rockstar in a band. She is not the type of person to do this. I was her second boyfriend and the girl I knew frowned upon this kind of thing. I love her to death, and just want to find out whether I should just leave it be and see what happens, try to pursue things in a reasonable manner, or. .? I am hoping I can get some advice. Sorry for the length.Luker
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): Well, I'm 2 and a half hours away. I haven't seen them anywheres together since I got past the insomnia, and of course, when I moved. The guy she left me for has a college degree in law and apparently was giving her advice on how to get a restraining order against me after her cousin asked me out for lunch. She also knows I'm in a criminology program at university and probably realizes the threat is good to get rid of me, since it could impact me greatly. She's only threatening because she needs to put the blame on someone else.What I don't understand is why she would be reading my poetry and writing if she didn't want anything to do with me? I can say that for the past two months, most of the poetry has been about her, and it's been flattering. Talking about memories, the plans we had, things we shared, etc. If she just wanted to forget about me, why would she be reading that stuff? Why would she get a hold of me the day I moved? And I have been seeing someone else, but for whatever reason, my heart is still with her. I just find it ridiculous how you go from talks of marriage and living together one week, and the next lying so you can make plans with some guy in a band who asked you out even tho he knew there was a boyfriend.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): Thanks for the advice everyone. I know I probably seem stubborn as hell, but if there was a way about somehow getting her back or having her come back into my life, what would it be? If I just leave things as they are, will she eventually come back, should I stop posting on this site. .I know it sounds ridiculous, but I do love her. She isn't overly beautiful, but always was to me. I was basically part of the family too. I just want the girl I love back is all, and if there really isn't anything I can do, then I'll just forget it. On another note, last night I went through more drama. Apparently my drunken 'friend' blamed my ex's new friend (who I had thought played a role in this, inviting the band guy to places they were, etc). She told my ex, and at 3 in the morning I received a call from this girl, saying I should keep my mouth shut and everything else. My ex threatened to call the police if she hears anything else. I don't even understand, she should realize I'm not the kind of person to spread rumours.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (6 September 2009):
 From what you've written in your letter, I don't think pursuing her is the way to go. She jerked you around quite badly at the end. It's one thing to develop feelings for someone else - unfortunately, it happens - but it's quite another to lie to your longtime boyfriend so that you won't look like the bad one, and that's exactly what she did.
Please don't contact her anymore. She made her choice to be with someone else, and you have to respect that. You were also wrong to think she's not the kind of person to do what she did, but she obviously is, so you have to reevaluate yourself on that score. It happens to the best of us, and all we can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other until the pain goes away. Take it one day at a time and try to treat yourself well, okay?
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (6 September 2009):
 I just went through an extremely similar situation to this. You are not in love with her, you are in love with the idea of being in love. Take a step back and look at all the things she has done to you. Looking at it rationally, you would see that she does not deserve this much attention.I was in a relationship for almost two years with a girl that I loved very much, and then she cheated on me. I broke up with her, and for about 3 months I kept thinking if I did the right thing or not. But as soon as I came back to college, started talking to other women again, and viewed my situation from afar, I realized that she did not deserve my thoughts or love. Since then I have already been with another girl, and I am currently pursuing one. So, long story short, you have a hole in your heart which you only think she can fill, but truth be told, any girl can fill that hole, just give yourself that opportunity. Why pursue a relationship with so much baggage? Keep your chin up man, you'll be fine.
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