A
female
age
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*702dreamer
writes:I fell into a long distance online love relationship. Unfortunately we never met, but he promised we would, till I brought up life after death, and where we'll spend eternity. He claimed to be a Christian, but I was quickly told to get away, and that we are not on the same paths. He said we'd never meet. I couldn't understand that type of behavior if he truly was a Christian. I've tried to date others, but the thought of this guy is always with me. People say I was in love with a fantasy. Maybe so, but I still want to meet him, to see for myself. He has a home in the same city I live in, and does come here at least once a month. I also feel he has no idea how great of a person I am, since every guy I meet tells me this, but I want my heart's love to see this himself. I'm not sure there is a way for us to reconnect now, since I've tried to reach out through email, and it seemed there was a buried interest on his part, but he'd throw it back at me about the conversation on religious beliefs, and that he didn't want to be with a woman who's been passed around to other men. I just wanted to get on with my life, so went back online to meet others, but I still think of this one guy all the time, with everyone I meet, and I still long to see him, hug him, and kiss him. So, how can I possibly ever reconnect now that it's been a few months, and it seems anything I do just pushes him further away now? They say time heals all wounds. All that's happened, is that with every guy I meet, I just want this other guy all the more. I know we had a deep soul level connection. He touched my heart in a way I never thought possible. There is no way to forget that, or him. I want him back, but how? I seem like a stalker now, and I don't like that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): hi there. I never done the online dating thing myself but i would be very warey of what people write on these things. Even though you are being honest, what to say he has?
A glaring red flag is his comment about you being passed around men. What a total sleaze ball. Him using religious beliefs as a get out is not as some say a coup out, no to me its a lack of respect.
You wont move on until you stop comparing every man to him and the only person who can do this is you. Catch your self each time and tell your brain STOP , and move on.
Dont what ever you do contact this man. Leave him be and get out in to the real world, yes scary i know and meet real in the flesh men.
You gotta kiss a few frogs before you kiss your prince.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): what a creep looking for virgins on the internet. Why no earth do you want him back?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (31 May 2011):
 LOTS of signs why this is not a good idea.
1.) Its an LDR where you havent even met. Its difficult enough in the first place, to sustain an LDR when couples have been together for a significant amount of time.
2.) Its an online relationship. You dont even know who's at the other end. It could be a hoax, a cheat, an already married man...anything!! Even if the man in question is not all of this, how do you even know whatever he's told you is true? Is there any way to verify that? Online dating is like groping in the dark...you can never be certain. You've just built up this mental image of this perfect man based on whatever this guy's told you about himself and you're in love with that image.
3.) I respect people with strong religious beliefs, but not someone who uses religion as a cop out. If he's as much of a devout Christian as he says he is, what is he doing hanging around on online dating sites? Looking for a virgin? What a sham!! How dare he say he cant be with a woman who's "been passed around to other men"! What a lovely way of putting it!! How he glorifies women! And he calls himself religious!!
OP, you cant "make" anyone like you. People either like you,or they dont. At least you have to give credit to this guy that he didnt carry it longer much and opted out before you got more involved. You FEEL you have a soul level connection with this man only because it hasnt worked out with him. He's a mystery to you, which is why you're so enamored by him.
I would say just forget about the whole thing and move on. This man doesnt seem like someone you should lose sleep over.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (31 May 2011):
 If only things were that simple... At the end of the day I don't believe you can MAKE someone love you or want you back. They either do or don't.
I think you're friends are right to be honest. You have built up this picture of who this man is and in comparison no other can live up to this picture... No doubt not even he can/will live up to this picture either.
The only way to know whether he is interested is to back off and see if he gets back in touch. When I say back off I mean COMPLETELY. You have to put this behind you and get on with your life. Don't put it on hold for him. Maybe he will wonder what you're up to now that you've seemed to have disappeared? On the other hand he might not even notice. Either way you have your answer.
This is just my opinion on the matter though - I'm not sure about what others here might think about it.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (31 May 2011):
If only things were that simple... At the end of the day I don't believe you can MAKE someone love you or want you back. They either do or don't.
I think you're friends are right to be honest. You have built up this picture of who this man is and in comparison no other can live up to this picture... No doubt not even he can/will live up to this picture either.
The only way to know whether he is interested is to back off and see if he gets back in touch. When I say back off I mean COMPLETELY. You have to put this behind you and get on with your life. Don't put it on hold for him. Maybe he will wonder what you're up to now that you've seemed to have disappeared? On the other hand he might not even notice. Either way you have your answer.
This is just my opinion on the matter though - I'm not sure about what others here might think about it.
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