A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts and Uncles I really hope you can help me. I have been in a relationship for close to three years now and for the duration of it I believe my partner has been cheating on me with different women. Back in March something wasnt right so being the snoop that I am I cracked his facebook account login details and I found that he has been doing something with a girl for about three weeks or so. He claimed he didnt have sex with her but rather it was just a flirtation he had because at the time we were going through a rough patch and he thought he was gonna lose me. I believed him only to find out from the doctor that I had an STI. I have only been with him and prior to our relationship I had been tested on different occassions and came out clean. After endless tears and long talks stupid me I decided to forgive him and work on the relationship but at the back of my mind I couldnt forget that he had cheated on me and could do it again. Since then I have become a woman possessed, I have been checking his phone, his voicemail, his pockets, his email and facebook and I always find him flirting with someone or catch him in a lie, I even found condoms in his bag when we dont use them. Everytime I confront him about what I find he lies and I just swallow them whole and carry on. I have reached my wits end and I want out but don't know how. I really love this man with my entire being, I truly do. I was pregnant before but unfortunatly miscarried in my second trimester. In my eyes I see this man as the father of my child and a future husband but its starting to dawn on me that it doesnt seem as though he can be faithful. I am constantly on edge when his phone rings, when he goes out at night I stay up wondering where he is and what he is doing and with who. No matter what he tells me I just cannot believe him. I am miserable and it is affecting my self esteem and health (I have lost over 20kgs from stress) coz I feel like maybe I am not good enough for someone to be faithful to me. His take on it is that he is not cheating on me but even if he was all men cheat and it's in their nature but they always come back to the ones they love. I may leave him but I will just get with another guy who will cheat on me. I already know I am stupid to stay but I still do coz I am living in hope that one day he will realise that I am a good woman and change his ways.How do I find the strength to leave him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): like your answer cerberus/raphael, and nice to know there are men out there like that, i have one and love him to bits, but my ex use to look at other women and make comments about them, making me very insecure and jelous, but the guy i am with now, is totally different he dont even look at another women, i am his women and he his my man and thats how a couple should be,
A
female
reader, WhateverMovesThee  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 That's not true! Men CAN stay faithful and have! My granpa was faithful all his life and loved to brag that only woman had ever had him and that was my grandma. My ex was faithful to me 3yrs until we broke up. He's making excuses and obviously doesn't care about how his behavior is affecting you. If my significant other lost 20kgs just like that, I'd be worried and would dote over him. If I caused it, I'd be guilt-ridden! When you truly love someone, hurting them hurts you. Every tear in their eye is a tear in yours. You can glance at others and appreciate their beauty, but you can never touch because your passion burns only for the one you love and cherish. As a husband, he'll be worse and as father to your children, he'll be a horrible model. Teaching ur daughters to love cheating assholes and your sons to be cheating assholes. Think of that future. More STIs, more cheating, more misery-if that can't convince you to stop loving him, his leaving you for his latest flame should.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 He is wrong to tell you that all men cheat. You deserve a man who will love you with all his heart, so much so that he would not even look at another woman with the thought of cheating lingering in the overflowing hollow of his heart. There are good men out there and there are women and men who find their 'happily ever afters' with trust and complete loyalty. This man cannot offer you that happiness and he is trying to pervert your view on men until you are too afraid to leave him. Do not let him succeed, when you leave him, you will find a man that will love you and care about you so much that every night, he will call you just to assure you that he will be home soon or he might be home late, he will love you so much that he will buy you roses just to remind you that he loves you and that he cannot even imagine being with any other woman. The truth is you ARE good enough, you just found the wrong man, so leave, and find the right one.I hope that helps.
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