A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf suffers from Erectile Dysfunction although we have never actually seen a doctor about this,we are unable to properly have sex. Now,however,he has decided that we should just be friends as he can never be in love with me the way he wants. In other words he is kidding on he has no feelings other than friendship because he thinks why would i want to be with him if he cant have sex with me. We have never sat down and openly said that he has this problem although he knows he cannot properly have sex. Can anyone give me advice on how to convince him i would rather be with him this way than still be the same as we always were but now kidding on we are just friends and not a couple Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): Before trying to convince him that you want to be with him even without sex, get him to a doctor. He may not have a physical problem at all. It could be something like him having trouble once or twice in the past and now every time he tries to have sex he is so worried that he cannot get an erection. Another reason to go to a doctor is that ED can be a sign of something more serious, like heart disease (high blood pressure, very high cholesterol or worse). It could also be a hormonal imbalance. All of these can be treated. By the way, how old is your boyfriend? There are men as young as 20 whom have ED, but it is very rare at that age. I started to have some problems when I turned 62. I have talked to my doctor about it once and will again when I have my annual physical in a couple of months. There are 3 main drugs for ED (Viagra, Cialis and Levitra) and they work very well for most men.
There are some supplements that help some men. Some are as basic as Vitamin C and E and zinc. There are also other supplements. I wrote an article on dearcupid about 3 things that I have been testing. However, I would strongly recommend that these types of things should not be used without some doctor supervision. Some may help with the ED problem and possibly make a more serious problem even worse. I keep my doctor informed about the things that I use and have annual tests done for both my general health and to make sure that none of the supplements are harming me. Tests like lipid profile, blood sugar, PSA (to help detect prostate cancer), EKG and liver function. These are necessary whether taking prescription drugs or supplements.
Talk to him about seeing a doctor as soon as possible. ED and other medical problems are nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Doctors are used to talking to many men about all kinds of medical problems, including ED. He could either go by himself or you could go together, whichever makes him more comfortable. It would be best if you go together so that at least you know that he has been open with the doctor.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 March 2008):
 Sit down and openly discuss this. It is silly to let a good thing slip over something that can often be cured.
Just honestly talk to him and open your heart to him. Yes it makes you extremely vulnerable because he might still reject you, but talk it out.
That is really the only thing you can do, subtlety is not going to work because he has himself convinced you are better off without him.
Try to make it clear your rather be with him as a lover without the physical side then alone or anyone else.
You might want to consult with a doctor on your own to see if with your descriptions you can figure out how serious his ED is and what, if anything, can be done about it.
...............................
|
