A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I avoid my family or topics of my family now that I am back into the dating game ?My family is highly dysfunctional and untrustworthy; both my parents verbally abused me when I was younger and nothing was ever good enough. To this day they are physically abusice to each other and just a hot mess; shouting obscene things and only caring about outwards appearances - ( they are Eastern European) so their marriage was a set up - there was never any love My mother is a cruel woman and will mock anyone that isn’t educated and at a certain level- the first bf I tried to introduce was blocked because he had tattoos and was a plumber - two things that can never be accepted I realize my parents are who they are and I plan on keeping my past and them hopefully in the past; I’m gonna try very little contact with them but when it comes to dating I don’t know how to handle thisIf someone asks about my family I don’t want to introduce anyone because I’m so hurt by them; I Dotn want to have family dinners and I certainly don’t want to talk about my pastHow can I tackle this ? And will a person that loves me understand this? I dread Christmas - I dread weddings - I dread any social interactions Bevause I don’t see them as my family anymore and I don’t know how to go about this?I have tried to let them in my life and for the last 33 years all they have done is set me in the wrong path every time I listen to themWill someone understand and not judge me for not having a relationship!?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (21 April 2019):
“I am estranged from my family. It’s very painful for me and I prefer not to talk about them.” If your date can’t let it go don’t date them. You owe know one whom you are not in a relationship with an explanation of family.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2019): The best way to avoid talking about your family is not to ask the other person about their family first. I have a similar situation and have come to terms with it. When people ask me where my parents live and how often I see them, it is usually because they are curious about me and want to get to know me. I say, "They live in (X) city." How often do you see them? "It's a long story." People always let it drop after that. Almost everyone I speak to has a no-contact aunt, or brother, or something, so most people can relate. And if they can't relate, that's too bad, I have other friends who are more understanding and don't pry as much into my personal life. Yes a person who loves you will see past that. Or, look at it like this: having that baggage is just part of who you are now, like your height, your education. You'll have to screen potential boyfriends for tolerance of that situation.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (20 April 2019):
 I think, if the dating is casual, then it should be easy enough to just steer the conversation away from family. Don't even mention them if you don't have to. If asked, just give brief information like "I don't have much contact with my parents". At your age that is not so unusual. You don't need to have your parents' "approval" for who you date.
When you get to a point where the dating is serious and there is, perhaps, talk of marriage, then you will have to give more information on why you don't get on with your parents. There is nothing to say your parents EVER have to meet any of your dates if you know it will cause friction and stress for you.
You have made a decision which is best for YOU and any future partners will need to understand that this is what you have chosen. I would worry about that when you get into a serious relationship. It is not something you need to share with someone over a first date or anything like that. As I said, leave it simple. Don't lie but don't go into detail. You can always say "I don't really want to talk about my family" and leave it at that.
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