A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How can you get someone who wants to be alone to start going out with you??I was in a LDR for 3 years and he broke up with me in April as he had become depressed (he became depressed about his life and what he was doing and where he was going)…since then his life has got back on track, he has everything figured out now and honestly when he starts his new job he will be earning pretty good money. Anyways when he dumped me I was a wreck, I went through the whole drinking stage and being a total b***h to everyone and in denile…I then sought help (as I was very very bad and became depressed myself) and I got better. I avoided talking to my ex for around 5/6 months altogether which during that time I found myself again and did some serious thinking blah blah blah and realised Im still in love with him and still want him back. Obviously I have been back talking to him for the past month and Ive asked him back (many times which I am completely ashamed of how desperate I am to get him back….without him I feel like I cant breathe and like part of me is missing and its hard to describe but have you ever loved someone in a way you cannot explain but you just know that they are the one and that you can feel their emotions from how they look and talk and even type and how they lighten up your mood from one single smile and how you know you can make them happy and be with them forever because your relationship just works….our works perfectly, we look like a couple, our personalities and attitudes compliment each other perfectly, we can live together easily (we have lived together btw as we visited a lot, but I am actually moving to where he stays next year) Anyway he wants to be alone. He doesn’t want to be with me or any other girl….however the thought of him being with someone else is actually destroying me, I couldn’t handle that. But how do I change his mind? I want him back sooo badly but he just seems to be set on being alone as he thinks its easy and he doesn’t have to worry about anyone but himself….but the only complicated part of our relationship has always been the distance and soon enough that will no longer be an issue. Oh and Im not moving to be with him…Im moving because he lives exactly where Ive said im going to live since I was a little girl, lucky for me I found my soulmate there…he just no longer wants me….so any ideas on how to change his mind??
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broke up, depressed, money, my ex, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, uroboros +, writes (22 November 2011):
please, just let him go. theres no way to get him back, as this is not what he wants.
take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): As you say, since splitting with you he has got his life back on track and has a bright future..it's just not with you.Listen to him and what he has told you.
You really do have to get a grip here, you can't even be friends because of the way you are thinking.You WERE together and YOU were in love, now its long since over and he has moved on with his life.To where he is happy.
As long as you have contact and think there is hope then you will never let go of him and move on, I dont think moving near him is the greatest idea either, it sounds stalkerish, no matter what your reasons.
Deal with the fact it's finished, realise that what you feel is one sided, 99.9% of adults have been there,got the tee-shirt and eventually found somebody new
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 November 2011):
 I'm so sorry, there is NOTHING you can do to MAKE someone love you.... if he says NO how come you can't respect his wishes.
Part of LOVING someone truly and purely is wanting them happy even if it means YOU are not part of their life.
It's a very hard concept to grasp. And it's how I know I love someone... when I'm willing to sacrifice my happiness and wants for theirs.
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A
female
reader, mammaboo +, writes (22 November 2011):
 If you said to someone that you were not interested and that you wanted to be alone right now,would you like someone pestering you. Some people call it harassment!Its sad that you are finding it dificult to move on because you are probably missing out on so much more!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how you feel. Have you told him exactly what you have written here? I think you should write him a long honest letter / email and tell him exactly how you feel, and put your number and email on the bottom, and say you really love him and hope to hear from him by ( xmas perhaps), and that if you do not hear from him by then, you will understand that he has truly moved on and will leave him in peace once and for all and hope he will be happy in his future etc. Make sure the letter/ email is nice, grown up, honest and mature - not over emotional, desperate or needy, as you have tried that and it has not worked. Do it asap. You will feel better for writing it all down too, then let it go,and do not call him or contact him unless he contacts you by the dealine * whatever you set - (I would say a month from when you write it is good, but let him know that too - nicely). then try and get on with your life, and see what comes back. Do not call within this time frame, as it will upset you and him. let me know what happens, and good luck. :o) Nx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): It really sounds as if you never got over the initial breakup. Otherwise you would accept it's over. You can think in your head as much as you like that you two are meant to be together - but if he doesn't want that - it's pointless. Nothing is going to make him change his mind and it is better for you to draw a line. Do not see him or contact him (even though you are going to be nearby). It is very, very hard. But just tell yourself you loved him, but it's over and life must move on.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (22 November 2011):
 You cant force someone to want you, unfortunately this relationship is over and you are just going to have to come to terms with that. You can keep pestering him, acting desperate, being his friend....whatever, but it isnt going to work. He has told you he wants to be ALONE therefore he doesnt want you back, ever. I dont know how many other ways there are to say this - the relationship is over, he doesnt want to be with you, he broke up with you, he is happy now without you, he has moved on....is any of this going in?! You have to stop being so selfish here and immature, yes you are in love with him and break-ups hurt, and I am sorry that you are hurting, but he doesnt want you anymore and he is doing better without you so he isnt coming back. He was depressed when he was with you but now without you he has gotten himself better, he is happy again and he wont want to go back to those dark times he had with you. Be happy that he is happy again, if you really love him as much as you say you do then you will let him go because he is happier without you, and if you love someone that much then all you will want is for them to be happy. Stop trying to be friends, and let him go once and for all. If you carry on trying to be friends you will never move on so you need to cut contact and let him go, yes it will be painful but it is neccessary. I remember very well how you feel, I too felt that way about my ex who I was with when I was 17 until 19. It hurt like hell and took me ages to get over him, I tried to get back with him so many times but he simply didnt want to be with me. I was desperate to have him back, I honestly felt he was the one, I couldnt live without him and all that jazz. But as you grow up you realise that there is no 'one' person for you, there are billions of people on this planet so it is impossible for there to only be 'one' suitable person for you. In time you will meet another amazing guy who will knock your socks off and make you realise there is more to life than your ex. Your relationship didnt work - your ex was very despressed, he was ill and he is now better without you. You need to accept that and realise that it wasnt this 'perfect' relationship that you have in your head, for him it wasnt good at all, he was seriously ill and very unhappy with his life. I'm not saying the depression was your fault at all, but you were not helping the situation either. The picture of the relationship you have in your head doesnt match up with the reality, you are looking at it through rose tinted glasses. Looking like a couple isnt a cause to be together, recognising someone's mood isnt an amazing skill - you can do that with your friends, a stranger's smile can lighten your mood - it is human nature to feel happy when you see another human smile....none of these things are special at all. Nothing you have mentioned is a good reason to get back together, the fact that he is now better without you to me is the main reason why you shouldnt ever get back together, it will just drag him back to a memory of a bad place in his life. He was very ill when he was with you and if he got back with you it would bring all those memories back and that isnt what he needs - he needs to move forward with his life, not take a step back. Please let him go - it is the best thing for him, if you really love him then you have to accept its over for good and the best thing for him now is to be alone and focus on his recovery. I hope this helps and good luck!
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