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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My bf messed up last week and I still haven't gotten ove it.You see, he has problems trusting me because I lied to him several times about stuff from the past. He's a very jealous man. Well, I haven't done anything wrong these last few months regarding trust. However last week i did make him angry because I was kinda clingy and complaining that he was spending too much time with the guys. I had been kinda jealous and well, I'm a jealous girl too. He said I was being too controlling (because I wanted him to tell me before he went out with the guys). Finally, he said we should give each other a break last Tuesday.Ok, then I heard nothing from him until Thursday. Then on Friday we made up. But he kept bringing up arguments out of nowhere, for things I had done in the past that we had already talked about a lot of times!I sensed something was wrong. Finally, on Monday, he came clean. On Friday, he had told me that on Wednesday night (last week) he had gone over to one of his friend's house to work on some uni project. He said he spent the night over there. But he said that that night, actually after midnight he had gone to his place (he lives a few blocks away from his classmate) to finish some paper he was working on and that he then returned to his friend's house to work on their project. Well, on Monday he said that last Wednesday, as he was still mad at me, he indeed left his friend's house for a while - but he didn't go to his own house. There's this girl who he used to have a crush on. And she kinda liked him at that time, but was kind of a tease. Well, short story, even though she knows he's very much in love with me, she still flirts every now and then (he usually avoids her). But that time, he was angry at me, and she asked him if he could help her with some paper she was working on. So he went, past midnight, to her house to help her! He didn't cheat on me, thank God. Said it wasn't his intention anyway, that he just went out of spite.I was annoyed, and hurt, because he's always telling me o be trustworthy but now he lied and went over to her house, and he knows I'm jealous of her. he apologized profusely and told me he was very guilty and when he went over there everything fel very wrong. That somehow, that convinced him even more that I'm the one and only. And he said that she's also uglier now, that she used to be pretty but not anymore.I'm still very upset and jealous, especially since a couple nights ago, she called him again - at night - to ask if he could help her with that same paper. He declined, and she became upset! Huh? I mean come on, everyone else did their papers on their own! And he's not the only smart classmate. Everyone else did their papers on their own! Is she really that dumb that she can't do it on her own or is she trying to steal my bf? I think the latter...Now I'm so jealous of her and all his classmates (there are more female classmates than males) and they're all so pretty! He said his ex crush has a pretty face but not such a great body (she's got 2 babies from different fathers, may I add). He said I'm way prettier and that when he told his friends about what he had done, they agreed that I'm prettier. But still it's eating away at me and the fact that she probably feels like she still has a hold of him. And of course, insecure about his prettier classmates. And paranoid, because now everytime he says he'll hang out with the guys, I have no idea if it's true or not. He promised he'd never do it again as he felt awful. But still. And I can't talk about this because he gets annoyed if I'm insecure because he's told me a lot of times that I'm prettier and that I have no comparison and that I have no reason to be jealous - so he's sick of the topic. Help, how can I trust him again and stop being jealous of other girls?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): First, what you first have to do is take a better personal image of yourself. Probably you're just as pretty as the other girls but since your self esteem is low you think otherwise. A good excersise you can do is that whenever you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, make a big smile and say this to yourself "I'm a wonderful, beautiful person, both inside and out". If you keep on repeating this for weeks, you will eventually accept it. Also, the smile stimulates the happy hormones and will make you have a better daySecond is your relationship. If you say you truely love him and that he truely loves you back, then there wouldn't be trust issues. You have to consider your feelings for your boyfriend first to see if they're actuallly real or if they are what you think they are. After this, sort all of the reasons why he might cheat. Then after you read this list, you will probably realize how ridiculous your jealousy makes you think and will give you a boost of reality. A big thing you have to do is to start accepting his word, no matter how you get jealous. If you keep on getting jealous of what he does and you keep on demanding of to tell you everywhere he goes, well, you're smothering him, and nobody likes to be suffocated from breath. Nobody. If you don't want to lose your boyfriend, then start getting over your jealousy feelings, grow up, and start trusting and stop doubting him.Yes, he may have lied to you, but it's not a big reason to stop trusting him. I first thought that when you said that he messed up big, it was because he slept with someone else, but when I read that he only went to the girl to help her study, I thought you were overreacting. I'm sorry if I sound harsh to you, but yes, you are really overreacting. I'm not really counting out that he may be lying to you (the story is a bit too good to be true) but I highly assume that you got mad at him for only going to HER house and staying there to help her since you made no mention of doubting his story. This is really not a reason to stop trusting himIn resume, what you first have to do is build yourself some confidence and better self esteem. You can also TALK these things with your boyfriend, as you may have not know, men are not psychic and can't really read our thoughts. Tell him how you feel, what you think, what you want with him. This will probably build up your relationship. Lastly, stop smothering him with your own insecurities. This will likely make him run away from you.
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