A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hiya Just a little question for you all..I am 35 years old, married, own a beautiful home and have a good job. All which I achieved. When I was a teenager, I had some fun like every other teenager, went travelling etc. I tried university but didn't enjoy it after boarding school. Basically, my family still treats me like I am 2 years old. Myself and my husband are trying for a baby, which everyone knows, but I always get questioned over how we can afford it, which we have planned. I have 2 lovely step children as well, which everyone adores and we have been together 5 years, however we are thinking about buying a bigger property, in which again, everyone wants to know how we can afford it. My husband works full time as well and together we bring a fairly decent wage. It makes me feel rubbish, like everyone thinks we are incapable. I just want to know how I can stop this. Thanks xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2016): Thank you all for your advice. Yes I do have confrontation issues with my family, but I always just wanted to please..now I have realised this was a mistake, but not quick enough or witty to come out with those brilliant witty sayings as suggested. Thank you xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2016): It is like they are looking out for you while you are managing but if it annoys you why not just say it to them. Once you are happy and can manage between you then there should be nothing wrong, you seem capable and well able!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2016): They treat you the way you LET them treat you. As simple as that. Even though this is by no means your fault, it is your responsibility. You have kept certain patterns of thought/emotions/behavior that were useful once when you were young/immature but have no use for them anymore. This identity is like a mask you wear that other people see. It has become such a part of you that you maybe even think that it is you. Anyway, you are sending them signals they understand and interpret like they always have.Ask yourself what is it that you think/feel/do that make them react the way they do.Let's say you like to vent about your financial problems (it's the way you deal with stress and worrying about them). People around you take it seriously (it's their filter) and when five minutes later you start talking about having a kid, they ask you how you can afford it.This is an oversimplified example. I am sure that it is much subtler than that. It can be all sorts of different behaviors. Some people bond talking about bad stuff, then they wonder why is everybody around them negative (see where I am getting at?)Also, maybe you kept that "cute little girl" identity that needs appreciation from others (avoiding confrontation). This is one of the hardest to get rid off. If that's the case, understand that they will love you even you tell them to mind their own business. But it's not enough just to tell them. You have to think you deserve that kind of respect. Cultivate positive thoughts about yourself in that regard.Try to understand yourself better. During a period of change, you'll face some sort of resistance in your surroundings, not because they do not support you, but because it takes time for them to adjust their perception of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2016): You're a grown woman. I think you have some understanding of what privacy is. You don't have to share every move you make or explain your life. That's one of the greatest benefits of being an adult. When it's not realized, you can politely excuse personal questions by changing the subject. Other adults get the point. Nosy people may insist, but you don't have to explain personal-details to anyone; unless you're on the witness-stand. Under oath, you've sworn on the Bible to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Otherwise; you get to pick and choose the questions you want to answer out in the everyday world.
Isn't it grand to be all grown-up? If you don't know yet, time to put it into practice.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (24 February 2016):
 Practice this phrase: ".... Not to worry, things are going OK for us..." Then, use it liberally when friends and family quiz you about your's (and hubby's and kids, and real estate) goings-on....
Good luck... AND congratulations for your successes 'til now... and may you have many more in the future!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 February 2016):
 Combine that with taking the person's hand in yours, look deeply into their eyes, and ask the question, very softly and calmly. Start to seem concerned for their own personal finances.
"Why do you ask, do you need to borrow some money?"
"Is the reason you are asking all these questions about my finances because yours are in trouble? Did you need some advice?"
Just turn it back on them by asking "why" questions. If they respond with "well, you've had a rough past and we are worried about you" you respond with yet another question, such as "Is it possible that you are projecting things from the past onto my present? Is there something going on that you aren't telling me?"
And no one can make you feel like rubbish without your permission. So stop allowing them! :)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 February 2016):
I love the snarky answer tactic.
Another tactic is to answer with questions.
"Why do you ask?"
"Why do you seem so concerned about our finances?"
"Why do you keep asking the same question over and over again?"
"What do you mean by persisting in asking these rather rude and intrusive questions?"
"Why do you persist in treating me like a 2 year old?"
Don't answer with anything but another question. Wear them out by making them justify even asking the question.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 February 2016):
 I personally would be snarky and give answers that make them cringe.
I would start with. "do not ask questions you do not want the answers to"
then "how can you afford it"
"we deal drugs and run numbers and sell young girls into slavery"
then smile at them slightly and walk away
that alone would tell them "none of your effing business"
why does what they think bother you so much? that's the real question...WHY, as an adult, does the opinion of people that have no right to question or ask you these questions (EVEN if they are related/family) bother you so much?
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (24 February 2016):
Let's look at something you wrote and see if you can figure it out...
"I am 35 years old, married, own a beautiful home and have a good job. All which I achieved."
So questions....Who bought your home? Who pays the bills? Who looks after and feeds your step children? Who is having a baby? Who plans to buy a bigger home and pay for it?
If your answer is "My husband and I" Why do you care what others have to say??? The answer you give them is "Unless you all plan to pay for everything and do everything for us, we don't want to hear it."
It is not being rude...it is letting them know, thank you for being concerned, but we have a handle on it now. We would love your constructive ADVISE, not your degrading questions.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (24 February 2016):
 Just ignore it. It's really none of their business. If they keep asking you how you can afford it then reply honestly: 'Just hard work and thrift'.
You might also try heavy irony if it amuses you. Tell them it's easy when you run and international drugs cartel.
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