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How can I sort out this mess?

Tagged as: Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 May 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 11 May 2017)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

The worst thing happened to me today, I planned to go on a date with my girl, and she brought some of her friends too, and i was with my friend too, so during the date, she was constantly trying to put up a fight with me, like insulting my character and asking me questions like "what would you do if i go in a relationship with your friend? , i was really embarrassed in front of my friend, and later, we got into a quarrel and her friend got involved, so i revealed every bad secret she said about my girl in the past, but she claimed she did not and she went away in anger and tried to put up an act like she was talking the truth,Later my girl said that she was joking and she apologized but i got very angry, that i left her , she came back again trying to apologize more , so i forgave her but she went back to her friend trying to talk to her and left me, later i got really depressed and got into a fight with some guys, and the next day i woke up, i was really depressed of the things that happened last night and embarrassed too, but since i was drunk last night nothing felt shameful, i dont know what to do, she chose her friend over me and i got into a huge fight , i am really depressed please help me

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (11 May 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntDon't drink alcohol if you cannot handle it. Getting in to fights because you are upset with your girlfriend is immature. Alcohol can make you feel down in the dumps added with the fight with your girlfriend that is probably why you feel depressed now. Honestly are you sure the both off you are mature enough to be in a adult relationship?

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (11 May 2017):

YouWish agony auntThe purpose of a date isn't for showing off in front of friends. The purpose of a date is to get to know someone you're interested in to see if you both have something together.

I would suggest not pursuing things with this girl any longer, because alcohol and showing off brought out the worst in both of you.

Next time you date, do it the MATURE way and have it be just one-on-one, or two people going somewhere and actually talking about meaningful things. First dates are supposed to be private affairs, not group activities unless you're 13 years old!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2017):

Sorry how the date turned out. Too much alcohol will mess it up every-time. You'll take the wrong stuff too seriously, say things you don't really mean; and get more angry over something petty than you really should.

She'll come around. You're sad and you're sorry. Depressed may be a bit dramatic. Something just isn't right here.

Send only one text, or make a phone call, only to ask her if you may stop-by to give her a real apology in-person. If she doesn't answer, do not send her another one. Do not leave a voicemail. She wants you to suffer, and you deserve to. You behaved badly! It's okay to apologize to friends by text messages, not your girlfriend! Man-up and follow-up with a real apology when everyone is together as a group.

A sincere apology is all she really wants. You kinda got stupid with her, because you were intoxicated. That left a very bad impression with both her, and her friends. Then you continued to mouth-off, and made yourself look really bad. It will take time to clean that up, I'm afraid. She's embarrassed! You made a scene!

Patiently wait until she is ready to talk to you. She has a right to reject your apology.

Don't be depressed, be more responsible with alcohol. Learn from your mistake. She shouldn't have said such a thing regarding your friend; or insulted you in-front of people.

You got aggressive! On a date!!! While intoxicated!!! Totally your bad!

Discuss what she said when you're sober, not while you're drunk! A man walks away when a woman gets too mouthy or disrespectful. You only stand-up aggressively to another guy! Even then, use your smarts! If she's insulting you without a reason; maybe it's time to call it quits. Her behavior was pretty caustic for there to be no reasoning behind them. Seems she brought her girls for backup.

Just the same, clean-up your act! Drink moderately (or don't drink) on dates; if you can't handle your alcohol. Drunkenness and rage is a bad reflection on your character. To get out of hand while you're under the influence of drugs or alcohol; is a red-flag about you as a man.

Leave her alone and don't be a tool. If she degraded you in-front of people and suggested dating your friend; maybe it's time for a new girlfriend. I wonder why she would say such things?

This suspiciously sounds like a set-up. A well-planned female-ambush. A way to breakup with people around; so she'll feel safe. To make you show your true-colors around witnesses. Hope this isn't the case. Why would she bring her girlfriends on a date, and why would you bring a buddy?

Maybe after she hasn't seen or heard from you for awhile; she'll have the chance to cool-off, and she'll miss you.

Seems she wanted to prove something about you. It also seems that she may have discovered something you've done; or suspects you may have done? You've obviously been discussing things about her with her friend, to be able to tell her what her friend has said behind her back! Crossed the line with that one, dude! Keep your business about your girlfriend between you two. Don't make her friend someone to confide in. Girlfriends are sometimes undercover, or trying to sabotage your relationship. You may have done it yourself, when you spilled the beans!

Let me reiterate. Send only one text telling her you hope she is alright, and you will give her a proper apology when she is ready to see you and talk. Until then, stay out of her grill!

I'm a perceptive person. I feel you've left out some details. There's a backstory to all this. Your date sounds more like a confrontation with a scorned-girlfriend, bro!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2017):

I'm a bit confused. Was this date face to face or was this something that happened online.

Because the way you talk about it, it sounds like something that would happen online. Get into a fight, you drink too much, and other people are involved so can you please explain if this is an online Fight or if this is something that happened in real life?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (10 May 2017):

Honeypie agony auntWhat a clusterF### of a date!

I agree that you both acted really immature. She wanted to show off in front of her friends and you wanted to take her down a peg or two after she embarrassed you.

Don't drink if you can't handle your liquor - THAT is advice #1. And don't date girls who act like cows to YOU in order to try and make themselves look better. Lastly, #3 two wrongs don't make a right. If someone talks smack about you or to you - TAKE the high road - don't jump in the gutter with them.

If you are EVER out on a date with a girl who ACTS like this again, GET up, WISH her well and walk away. Block her number and presume yourself to be SINGLE. There is no point in having THIS much drama in order to date someone.

Honestly? It sounds like your girl was "cruising for a bruising" (as they call it) basically she was LOOKING to start drama to gain approval from her friends. You were just USEd as a prop.

I say block this chick and don't date drama-llamas like her in the future.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (10 May 2017):

N91 agony auntThis doesn't sound like depression at all and to take that term lightly is pretty offensive to people who are actually suffering from it. What I think you're trying to say is that you're upset or annoyed about what happened, certainly not depressed over one night's events.

It sounds like you and your GF are both acting like children. Why she would say those things to you in the first place is beyond me but then letting this spiral into a fight on your side shows you need to learn to channel your anger better. Don't blame the drink either.

I think you both need to grow up and think whether you two are right for each other if this is how you behave.

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