A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I have just finished school (I mean A levels - I'm 18), and I have got into a sexual relationship with my ex teacher since finishing school (we were really friendly for years whilst I was at school).He's 36, and a really great guy. I get one with him really well, and we share a lot of the same interests. However, those of my friends who know aren't too impressed. Apparently it's 'sick' and 'wrong', which I don't think it is.He's not married, has no children, no partner or any other form of baggage, so it's not like I'm letting myself in for something awful. Basically, I was just wondering if anyone might have any suggestions as to how I can persuade my friends that my relationship with him really isn't 'sick' or whatever. I know I really shouldn't care about what other people think, but it is kind of hard when your best friends are continually badmouthing your relationship.Thanks for your time.
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female
reader, Xylo1415  +, writes (11 July 2008):
If you like him, you like him, and thats that. They should be happy with your happieness, because they are your friends.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): I pretty much know how you feel. I've been sleeping with a guy who is much older than me and who used to be my boss and let's just say, not everyone approved. I got the same responses as you, that it was sick and wrong but for a month I managed to ignore the comments. However in the end, I finished the relationship because I couldn't handle the constant lying to my parents (they would certainly not have approved) plus it was driving me and my friends apart. I know this is probably not what you want to hear but now that I have finished it, I do feel happier and me and my friends are getting on so much better. I'm not saying you should end things simply to meet the demands of your friends, but just try and look at things from their perspective. I do miss what I had with this guy and who knows maybe things will start up again, but for the time being I'm just glad being girl and having a laugh with all my mates :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): Harsh as it may seem, you might have to make a pact with your friends that the subject of your boyfriend is off-limits. Explain to them that this is your choice, you are the one who is in the relationship with him and that you are happy, and that you guys are just going to have to agree to disagree. You can stay friends, you can socialise and have fun together, but if they can't say anything nice about him then could they please not say anything at all as you care about having their friendship and you don't want to argue about this as it hurts both you and your relationship with them.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Then you have to accept THEM even if they don't accept YOU. Maybe they'll come around to your way of looking at things, maybe they won't but you sure as heck can't force the issue.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): Eyeswideopen, as you would know if you had properly read my post, I do not have a problem with accepting my friends for who they are, it is in fact they who refuse to accept my relationship, and thus me for who I am.If all you're going to do is to say 'get new friends' then please don't bother posting. It's not helpful, and I actually rather want to remain friends with them.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 July 2008):
It would be nice to have world peace. Accept your friends as they are or get new ones.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): Ask oldersister, it's not that I NEED their acceptance, it's just that it'd be nice to be able to speak to them again without them launching off into how sick my relationship is.
In getting into this relationship, I never intended to estrange myself from my friends, however this seems to be what is happening.
I know that it's not a completely normal situation, but I can't see how it's so terribly 'sick' for me to have started dating him after having left school. It would just be nice for them to accept I'm happy and leave it well alone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): In response to eyeswideopen, I really couldn't care less whether my friends want to spend time with him or not, I just wish they'd stop being so childish about the whole thing, and accept that I'm happy.
And no, his friends are just fine. Surprisingly, they've accepted me when my friends won't accept him.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 July 2008):
It probably won't matter whether your friends like him or not because most 36 year olds don't want to hang out with 18 year olds. You'll most likely not be seeing as much of them in the future. I just hope his older friends don't bore you too much.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Hey folks, thanks for the replies so far - I know he is indeed twice my age, but that really doesn't bother me. I feel that so long as I am happy with him, then it's fine. It just makes life very difficult when my friends refuse to accept that we're happy together, and that I'm really NOT being pushed into anything by him.
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female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 They probably think it's wrong because you're still so young - he's twice your age!
But at the same time, you are allowed to date him, you're an adult now and you're no longer in the same school as him. So they should be supportive and happy, because you are happy.
They'll grow out of this eventually when they realize that you have a loving, healthy relationship with your boyfriend. At least, if they are true friends they will accept it.
But for now, your boyfriend has a bit of proving to do, for them to approve.
xo
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Hey, well their is no real way to persuade your friends to accept your relationship, they have to accept it on the basis thay you are happy and he is making you happy, your friends just care about you and don't want you to get hurt, maybe you should sit down and talk with them about it, once you have, then they should be able to let it rest, it's your desision at the end of the day, not theirs, and if your happy they should be too
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 July 2008):
They are giving you their opinions and you have to accept that they are being honest because they care.
They all see this man as a father figure so to them it is as though you are going out with one of their dads.
However, you are 18, you are out of school now, and you can show them that he's not preying on you, he really cares and is a real boyfriend to you.
Give them time to see the relationship on its merits, not just on face value. You will win them round. If they are real friends they will stick by you even if they don't agree with it. if they don't then they are not worth keep in touch with anyway.
Good Luck!! xx
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female
reader, soulcal +, writes (2 July 2008):
 well i dont think they should be like this, they should be suppoertive and happy for you. just because he was your former teacher and they know him just as a teacher they dont know what he is like personly. there is 18 years difference between you and because your still quite young they might think its wrong your going out with a 36 year old but in the future they might grow out of it and realise that it is a healthy good relationship.i hope this helps xx
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