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female
,
*lenore
writes: I'm quite embarrassed by this but i have problems with having an orgasm. When I am with my boyfriend and when I am alone I often come to the brink of orgasm to the point when i am trembling but then have to pull away as the feeling gets too much. Is this normal? Is there anything i can do? I try to relax but i just cant help pulling away. Please help x
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (28 April 2006):
 I would suggest working on being able to bring yourself to orgasm alone. Once you can do that, it gets easier to do it with your boyfriend. My girlfriend was in a similar situation when we met, we went out and bought a vibrator and 'The Story of O'. The combination of the two helped her be able to orgasm within a couple of months. After that, orgasm with the both of us became easier.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): First, it is very common for women to not achieve orgasm easily, or not at all. I want you to remember that there is nothing wrong with you in the slightest.Second, are you in a happy, stable and loving relationship?Is your boyfriend trying to help you with this, or are you faking orgasm to please him?Are there any sexual or emotional problems from your past that could be affecting you now? Have you kept these problems from your boyfriend?If you are absolutely sure that there are no emotional or sexual reasons from the past to affect this and assuming you have tried everything you can to achieve orgasm but failed I would suggest that you try and work on not feeling like there is anything wrong with you. You need to try and forget about orgasms and concentrate on intimacy without them. Sometimes it just takes time with someone for you to start having orgasms.A couple of more things I can recommend: You could seek medical advice about this - this will probably be a long and difficult route, but there could be a physical reason for why you can't orgasm - I must stress this case would be quite exceptional.Lastly, (assuming the problem isn't physical) I've known Hypnotherapy to work very well in attaining orgasms. A clinical hypnotherapist should be able to change the way you think about yourself, and to stop you from consciously thinking about it so much. An hour or two is all you need.Good luck.
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