A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Mod note:OP's own titleI have a situation with a guy at work, we are both married and there has been a very strong attraction beween us for 14 months .We are at the point where we are wanting to touch each other whenever possible although nothing sexual.We are constantly drawn to each other.There is a strong connection which I cannot explain.I am allowing my feelings to take over my rational thoughts, and cannot think about anything else but this guy.I know he is attracted to me, but I do not have any idea how he 'feels' about me,and If I am honest, I feel inside that he is just really enjoying the thrill of the chase with me.I know this happens a lot in the 'office' when we are around people all day from other posts I have read on here.My problem is that I am having trouble concentrating on my work,I know he is constantly watching me, and I am aware that he is near me and can feel the vibes. I don't want to go to work sometimes because I know how I will feel when I am there. And yet I can't bear to be away either!It is him who approaches/follows me around, but never expresses anything verbally to me, I just get all these 'looks' and touches, he does seem to have gotten really deep in to my personality, likes, dislikes and such. He is also a little possesive of me and speaks as though we are already an item around other workers. He has given me the impression that we are going somewhere with this, he has pursued me persistently all this time, and yet he never initiates anything.I think I know in my heart that nothing will happen, but I can't let go of the feelings I have built up.I don't want advice to work on my marriage, that is already being dealt with.What I need is serious advice on how to put this guy in 'friends only' zone.How to go to work, get on with it and pretend this guy isn't there.I feel so stupid to get to this point, and I think I am becoming depressed, I feel like crying all the time.Has anyone else got to this point and how did you deal with it?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Talk about how much fun you are with your husband and what kind of things you are going to do with your family. Whenever he asks you about your life, always mention your husband first.
In college dorm we played a game in which 3 people of the opposite sex in the dorm will be picked for you (based on gossips of who likes who) and you have to decide who you want to marry, have sex with, and the third one to kill. Not to kill literally, but just someone you ignore for the rest of your life. This guy at work is the guy you want to kill. There is no benefit being his friend. Whenever he touches you just gently brush his hand away, with no facial expression at all. He will stop when he sees that you don't respond to him. You have to accept that you will be attracted to other people in your life but your mind has to be the master of your body.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Is it possible to put in a transfer? Him talking about you guys like you're an item freaks me out a little, making him sound like he's not entirely stable and a little obsessive. Do it outside of work, meet him for coffee make sure its during the day in a public area. Let him know that this isn't going to happen between you and him, you're married and so is he. He needs to be less concerned about you at work and more into his job. Let him know you will not be mixing business with pleasure and for you two to keep it strictly professional. He take this info however, either getting mad and ignoring you or actually listening focusing on his status as nothing but a friend. Either way it's a win win situation. Get your point across!
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Although it may not seem credible now, there will come a time when this guy is no more colourful than the photo copier to you.
Even the most perfect of matches, if they come up at the wrong time or in the wrong place, can later be forgotten - or, at least, shelved somewhere in your mind and not be taking your attention all the time.
Ideally you would get away from him, but you can't, because of work. The natural conclusion of your flirtation is for them to be some sort of sexual contact, but you say there won't be. So the only way to cut off is to shake yourself out of it, and maybe focus on your husband. Think about him every time you think of the other guy. See your husband's face. Make yourself understand that this guy just isn't a possibility.
It's the only thing you can do, if you don't want him.
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