A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my partner for 10+ years, we have a child together and Ive always trusted her. Recently I discovered she had a snapchat account that is mainly her female friends but with 2 other male friends. I am certain she had some kind of relationship with male no. 2, a long time ago, I dont know about her link with male no. 1.Id got to know about some chats between my girlfriend and male no. 1 which suggested their 'chats' were sexually charged in nature (some saved pictures between them). Most of which came unsolicited from him but there were some from her too so she played her part. I cant help but think what the content of the chats were, and what the chats may have been with male no. 2!One day she was showing me some pictures she had taken on her phone and she scrolled past a picture of a topless guy from a night-out. She claimed she didnt take the photo and one of her friends did. She spends a lot of time on her phone and guards it with her life.Both of these recent incidents have rung alarm bells, and quite frankly Ive lost trust in her, even more so when she goes out partying with her friends. She would find both of these highly inappropriate if I had done it.Ive confronted her about this, and she hasnt taken it well. Very defensive and not very sincere to my feelings and she thinks Im overreacting. I havent felt these feelings before and I cant stop thinking about it. Its affecting my work and other life and I am reading into things with her more than I should.Am I being unrealistic? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (19 December 2019):
 I agree with CodeWarrior about trust, it's ALMOST impossible to regain full trust of a partner when they have behaved in a manner that was/is detrimental to a healthy relationship.
I also agree that someone guarding their phone doesn't necessarily mean they are hiding stuff, they might JUST want privacy when it comes to their phones. In my house anyone can pick up my phone and use it, I wouldn't care per se. But I do have issues if anyone thinks its ok to look over my shoulder when I'm on my phone or computer, it ANNOYS the crap out of me. NOT because I am doing things I don't want others to see, but because it's a lack of respect of my space and privacy.
HOWEVER, if this is new behavior, it might BE that it just goes hand in hand with her OTHER inappropriate behavior patterns such as sexually charged exchanged on snap-chat.
I think you need to sit her down and ask WHY this is happening, if you two can move forward or if this is really a symptom of a dead relationship.
She might BE defensive, but I also thinks she knows it's not really OK to do these things. Especially if she wouldn't want YOU to do the same.
TALK like adults without ACCUSATIONS and decide (for yourself first) if there is a future together or not)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2019): Sadly, I must tell you that your lack of trust does seem justifiable, to me. She guards her phone around you, but she has pics on her phone that a friend took? So she lets her guard down when out partying with friends. That does not seem right. Your trust is gone and when confronted, rather than erase the pics and break the male contacts on snapchat, she just gets defensive! Sorry Friend, this relationship is near expiration. If I were in your place, I would end this relationship, before she cheats on you openly. It will be tough, but if you have been truly faithful to her, you deserve better than this. I pray for your strength my Friend!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2019): If you feel things aren't going well.. that her behaviour with her phone is new and rathershady then sit and explain to her that after the new year you will be asking her to come to counsellor with you as though you have tried to in-house solve these issues .. she not listening to how you feel. Also we all need nights out .. how often are these though if they are more than 1 or 2 a month girl nights out
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