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How can I get over this embarrassment?

Tagged as: Family, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 December 2017) 7 Answers - (Newest, 7 December 2017)
A female United States age 13-15, anonymous writes:

This boy I like knows I was spanked and now I can’t face seeing him ever again. Me and my brother got caught skipping class. Mom was so pissed she had us stay in our rooms all afternoon. When dad came home, my brother got to go down stairs but cus it was the second time I’d skipped class, mom had him come up and strap my butt with a belt. It was the strapping of my life but I don’t care much about a sore ass, I’ve had plenty. Thing is though, a boy I've been hanging out with came round and my brother answered the door and said, oh she can’t see you right now, she’s getting her whooping – maybe she’ll come see you after if she can. I was upstairs hollering while dad put the strap to my butt. I could hear him, which means he must have heard what was happening… Soooo embarrassed! I really, really like him but can’t face him and his friends at school. Spankings are for kids. They’re probably going to laugh at me. I really want to skip class but then I’ll be in even more trouble. Don't know what to do?

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (7 December 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntSpanking really is terrible "parenting". However, if it only happens when you do really silly things like skipping school, then it's best to just not do those things.

You know better than to skip school which is why, even though I'm strongly against physical "parenting", the spanking is easily avoidable - unless they do it for mistakes, rather than just bad decisions that you shouldn't be making.

When do they spank you? So, what do you do that they use spanking to punish you?

Are you struggling at school? Why do you not care about being well-behaved and a good, productive person? You shrug off that you skip classes.

Your parents shouldn't lay a hand on you, but you should also be making better decisions. If they only spank you when you make stupid decisions (not innocent mistakes), then it's easily avoidable, even if they still shouldn't do it.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (7 December 2017):

Anonymous 123 agony auntWhat's the problem OP? Why are you skipping classes? Is everything ok at school? Do you have a counsellor at school who you can talk to about any problems that you might be having?

OP neither is it right to miss school nor is it right to discipline someone by spanking. I think you really need to speak to someone about what's going on. Forget the boy; that's the least of your problems now.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (6 December 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntAside from poor parenting choices that shouldn't be happening, the main problem here is your lack of commitment to school, which shows a lack of common sense. This boy is rather irrelevant, considering you're making a habit of skipping class. Why?

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (6 December 2017):

Fatherly Advice agony auntThe legal / ethical conversation about spanking of children or teens is clouded in the US by varied cultures and state laws. Personally, I found it very ineffective quite early on.

I'm much more interested in how you justify your decision to cut classes. What are you avoiding, or seeking by being somewhere besides class?

And next, what is the big picture? Where are you going in the future? How is cutting classes going to affect that. And while we are at it, how is your relationship with the Boy going to affect it. What can you learn by how you handle this embarrassment with him that will help you in the future?

You seem to be making a lot of decisions based on fear, including fear of embarrassment. That is not a fun way to live.

FA

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (6 December 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI agree that spanking is not an appropriate way to discipline a child (of any age). Skipping school hurts no one but yourself, OP. You GET the opportunity to go to school to learn and have a chance at an education. Skipping school is for losers... seriously.

As for the guy, WHO cares?! If he asks or makes fun of you - just shrug and ignore it. Something else will become far more interesting if you DO NOT engage.

You might also have a conversation with your parents about discipline and punishments.

What do YOU think is a fair punishment for skipping school?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2017):

Wow... I'm so sorry about that. There are 2 things that need to be address though. It shows your between the ages of 13-15.. The fact that your still getting spanked at that age is unbelievable and honestly, should be reported to authorities or CPS.. I'm sorry to say that because it might not be what you want to hear but you are just too old for that. I think the last time I was spanked was like 6 or 7. Mind you, I was a good kid, but at the age or 13 or 15, I would of fought my mom off if she ever tried to lay a hand on me.

Sounds more like abuse to me.

When it comes to skipping school, I know you may want to because your friends are, or there may be something deeper that we don't know? But I wouldn't do it. You already know you'll be in trouble if you do and its just not a good idea even if you were not to get in trouble.

I feel really bad about what happened and I can only imagine the embarrassment you felt, trust me I've been embarrassed in front of a guy before because of my parents so I understand. The most important thing that needs to be addressed however is the spanking. No excuse for that, period.

I really do hope you take action or maybe report it anonymously.

Good Luck girl.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (6 December 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntThe one who should be embarrassed here is your father for resorting to punishing you in this way. You would think an adult would have the intelligence to handle this situation without resorting to physical punishment (especially as you admit it doesn't actually work as a deterrent for you). I don't know what the law is in USA but in the UK he could be in serious trouble for doing that to you. It is actual bodily harm and I am horrified a girl of your age has to tolerate this. Spanking is not for ANYONE, regardless of age, but certainly not for a teenage girl. I have grave concerns about your father's motives in punishing you in this way.

Is there a family member, teacher or other adult you could speak to about what is going on?

Why are you skipping school anyway? Are you having problems or do you just do it for the hell of it? Perhaps you need to address that as well?

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