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I want her back but she doesn't want a relationship. How can she just walk away?

Tagged as: Dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 December 2017) 16 Answers - (Newest, 13 December 2017)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So, there was this girl I met two years ago and I am in love with her (we dated and were pretty serious) . I am in the military and I was stationed in Alaska.( Where I met her, I am originally from Florida).

But I hurt her and she well I left her for a girl that I used to date years ago in Florida. I actually proposed to the girl in Alaska. I broke off the engagement when I went home to Florida and I started talking to my ex again in June. My ex from Florida basically rejected me and only wanted me for money.

Then after it hit me that the girl in Alaska is the one for me because she was always sweet, loving caring and kind. She never wanted anything from me just my time. So, when I broke off the engagement a month after he father died from cancer(In may). I wasn't the nicest to her she'd always cry and she'd beg me to stay especially during the time of her loss. She is also in college and was stressed about a lot of things and I couldn't handle her.

So, in August I texted her no reply she used to reply all of the time. I called her she didn't respond. So, as the months went on I sent her a numerous amount of text to win her back and apologize. So, that I could marry her and she could move with me to Germany(My next duty station). But it killed me that she ignored me, so while she was at work I put flowers and candy on her car. I thought she would text me to say thank you she didn't. I then began texting her she ignored me. So, one day I waited until she got off work and I followed her to the mall. I waited until she came out of the mall, and I approached her.

She looked shocked, I talked to her to try to win her back, but she rejected me. After I kept texting her and calling her and she finally gave me another shot. Then twice through the process she ghosted me twice!!! She wasn't the same she acted as if I was some kind of criminal I said I was sorry!!!What more could she want!!!

Any way long story short she said that she forgives me but can never allow me back into her life because of what happened. The way she is acting is not fair people make mistakes. I would not do again, it is just that I am moving for good. And I know that once I move she my never reply to me, I may never hear from her again. Towards the end she kept mention that she'd never reply to me again.

She blocked me off Facebook and she broke up with me and said that she gives up and that I win ?? What does that even mean? How can I approach her with out her getting mad or angry? She kept saying that I left her when her dad died and she needed me the most!!! I just had no time I was very busy when she needed me. I just want to move past what happened so that her and I can move forward because I have tried gifts, and nice dinner but nothings working, I think she hates me. How can she just walk away so easily?? What can I do ?

View related questions: at work, broke up, facebook, flowers, military, money, my ex, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (13 December 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntI don't think I have ever come across a post so selfish and self absorbed. You feel that leaving a person after there father dies and run away with another women is okay? How would you feel if she left you for another man. Why should she want to be second best? She should have a man that will put her first. Your post is all about you and what you want and feel. This woman doesn't want to be with you so leave her alone. Go to Alaska and try and teach yourself how to be a better person.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (9 December 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntThese comments of yours ....

I feel as if I did nothing wrong

I came to her job because she ignores me. she tells me she doesn't like me but shes a christian and your supposed to forgive.

I just want things to be as they were before.

1.You did do something wrong, you dumped her for another woman, and when the other woman didn't treat you right you thought you would just pick her back up .... like a potato or piece of wood that has no feelings and no rights

2. When somebody ignores you its because they don't want anything to do with you, going to their place of work is stalker behaviour and of concern

3. Being a Christian doesn't mean somebody can treat you like a piece of shit and you have to accept it ... what on earth gave you that stupid idea?

4. Things cant be as they were before because she knows, and you know that she is second best. Unlike before she also knows that you are not trustworthy or worthy of her.

You need to let her be, you stuffed up so accept it and stop thinking this girl owes you anything, she doesn't!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 December 2017):

Honeypie agony auntMaybe your tour to Germany will give her AND you enough time to think this over.

YOU can't MAKE her want to be with you. Just because YOU changed your mind doesn't mean SHE will.

Sometimes the quote:" absence makes the heart grow fonder" is true. Sometimes it just gives us enough time to see the truth and the path we NEED to take whether it be alone or together.

When a woman tells you I DO NOT want any more contact you DO NOT stalk them. You DO NOT show up at their workplace. THAT is not "fighting" for the relationship or them. It's CREEPY. And it's disrespectful.

GIVE her space. Leave her be. You might have sabotaged any chance with this one. Accept REALITY.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2017):

Well, champ all I can say is fight for her we all make mistakes but she will come around one day.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2017):

Yes, but how can I ever let her go? I know before I did not want her but I do now. People make mistakes she even was willing to give me another chance then she changed her mind.I cant stop thinking about her I leave Alaska on Sunday for good.She makes me a better person.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 December 2017):

Honeypie agony auntOP, she might forgive you for your crass behavior, she might not. Pretty sure forgiveness isn't OWED to you.

Even if she DOES forgive, it doesn't mean she will forget or feel the same about you. You don't have a time machine you can't take back what you did. SHE can't take back how she feels and she doesn't feel love or affection for you anymore. YOU fucked that up ALL by yourself.

The fact that you are 30-35 years old surprised me because your general attitude is closer to a teenager, an immature one at that.

You CAN NOT dictate how she should feel or WHEN she should forgive. All you CAN do is ACCEPT that this woman does not WANT you.

You say you don't think you did anything wrong. Are you SERIOUSLY that dense?

Maybe you are, maybe that is why you are stalking her and being a total twat.

Again, Grow up. Time to go talk to your Chaplain. I'm surprised that a guy your age who is SERVING in the military and USED to discipline, who is used to consequences of your actions doesn't comprehend that SOMEONE can CHOOSE to not want to be with you.

Let her go. stop screwing with her life.

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (7 December 2017):

She can walk away because she is not into you, she doesn’t love you , she doesn’t see a future with you. You failed her.

What can you do? You can be a man for once and leave this poor woman alone.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (7 December 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntIf that last post is really from the original poster (why is it coming up as female?), then you need professional help, my friend.

Being a Christian does not mean she has to be your doormat. She probably HAS forgiven you but that does not mean she has to let you anywhere near her when you treated her so badly in the past. Stalking her will just confirm she was right not to want anything to do with you.

We cannot have everything we want in life. She deserves someone who will stand by her when the going gets tough. YOU let her down at the first hurdle. Leave her alone. You don't deserve her.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (7 December 2017):

N91 agony auntWell you see, there's your problem.

You don't think you did anything wrong, when it reality it's clear to see that you did many things wrong, hence why this girl will no longer speak to you.

Leave her alone and accept that she doesn't want anything to do with you. You're not an immature teenager, you're in the 30-35 age bracket, you should know better at your age. Turning up to someone's work is NOT ACCEPTABLE, you are borderline stalking her now and coming across extremely creepy.

And as for being Christian, what on earth has that got to do with anything? She's supposed to excuse your dumbass behaviour and take you back because she's Christian? Get a grip man, get your head out the clouds and let it sink in that SHE IS NOT INTERESTED. You could very easily have a complaint filed against you for harassment and I seriously feel that's the only way this will get through to you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2017):

(I am the guy who wrote the post)I feel as if I did nothing wrong and I came to her job because she ignores me. Then she tells me she doesn't like me but shes a christian and your supposed to forgive. I just want things to be as they were before.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (7 December 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI can see why she wants nothing to do with you, OP You were horrible to her and fickle. When the ex-gf from Florida didn't work out you thought you could just pick up where you left off with the Alaska one and when she ignored you, you STALKED her.

LEAVE her alone. He doesn't deserve to be jerked around like this.

SO what that you NOW want to marry her? Do you think a proposal will erase your past behavior?

You need to accept that YOU are not the man for her. So STOP stalking her and leave her to move on in her own time. The reason she wants nothing to do with you is ALL your own doing. So learn from this and NEXT time you meet a decent woman don't treat her like this.

"How can she walk away so easily? " You ask... I am stunned that you think HER behavior is offensive at all. This is a woman who now knows what kind of guy you are and wants nothing to do with you. You are immature, fickle and cruel. No wonder she walked away.

GROW up, OP.

And FFS leave her alone.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (7 December 2017):

N91 agony auntOh wow, are you being serious?

On what planet are you living? If she was on this site asking for advice i would tell her to run a mile from you. What reason would I possibly be able to give her to make her stick around for you?

You got engaged to her, left her for someone else, treated her like a dick, ignored her when her father died and then thought giving her some chocolate would win her back. Pull your head out your ass for a second and think about what you've done to this poor girl. You even said yourself all this girl wanted off you was TIME and you couldn't even do that. How can you be so busy to not make someone feel special? No one on the planet is that busy.

You have fucked up and you need to accept that it's over. You have no one to blame but yourself. Your behaviour now is getting borderline creepy. Don't follow her again and stop trying to speak to her. I think she's being smart in blocking you and trying to move on, protecting her feelings so you can't hurt her anymore.

Take this as a lesson to not act like a twat to people you supposedly care about. Leave this poor girl alone to move on and do some growing up before you get involved with someone else.

How can she walk away so easily? You really don't get it do you? You don't realise how much shit it takes for someone to finally snap and say enough is enough. People don't just walk away at the first tiny instance. You have driven that girl to her breaking point and you have probably damaged her more than you realise. She probably won't trust another man again for years and all you can think about is your own feelings. You need to get a grip man, you don't deserve her, accept it.

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A male reader, Allumeuse United Kingdom +, writes (7 December 2017):

You are some pretty entitled guy. You drop her when she's at her lowest ebb and when you decide you want her back you ignore what she is saying and what she wants because it's not what you want? You didn't have time to deal with the crisis in her life but now you're on the scene she should stop and give you the attention you deserve. You need counseling buddy, you are the type of guy giving guys a bad name. If she had written the title of this post it might read 'My lose ex dumped me when my father died because I cried too much, now he wants me back and is waiting outside my work place and following me around- help!' My advice to her would be call the police! You are harassing her in a criminal way. Leave her alone. Forever.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (7 December 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntLet me put this into perspective for you. Take a clean sheet of paper. Look at it. Now crumple it up as hard as you can into as small a ball as you can. Now try to iron it out with your hand and make sure you keep saying "sorry" to it. Does it look the same? Will it EVER look the same? Now you know what you did to your ex.

You are priceless. You abandoned her when her father died because you couldn't stand that she kept crying and because you decided you wanted to go back to your ex. Once your ex rejected you, you decided this girl was, after all, "the one" and you expect her to just forget how badly you treated her and to take you back.

Sorry, my friend, you have blown it. End of. This "sweet" girl obviously has her head screwed on and is not going to allow you to hurt her again. I wish I could give her a hug and congratulate her on being so strong. She sounds very special and some man will be lucky to love her and spend his life with her - but it will never be you. You had your chance and let her down in the most callous way.

You need to leave this poor girl alone before she takes out a restraining order against you. Following someone around who does not want you is stalking. Leave her to find someone who deserves her and move on with your life. Learn from what you did and NEVER treat someone like that again.

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (7 December 2017):

When the father of someone you think you love dies, you can't be too busy to pay that person some attention. She lost one of the most important people in the world, needed your support at one of the darkest times in her life, and you were "too busy" to pay her any attention.

Frankly, you sound like a chump, anyway, deciding that you want to marry this girl only after leaving her for someone else and that person dropping you. You aren't truly in love with had her playing second fiddle to the woman who dropped you want to marry her so that you'll have someone to be there for you when you are in Germany. The military should have plenty of people who can help you grow up.

Incredibly, you say the Alaska girl is "not fair," that she should forgive you for making mistakes. Sorry pal. That mistake was too big and nearly anyone would know better.

Leave the Alaska girl alone...she rightly does not like you and deserves better. Get your priorities straight. Think about what you did to the girl in Alaska. Right now you are a disaster for any nice but vulnerable girl who comes along. Try to visit a chaplain or someone who can advise you.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (7 December 2017):

Anonymous 123 agony auntNo!! Really? She's not taking you back? After you put flowers and candy in her car, bombarded her with texts and followed her to the mall! "The way she's acting is not right..." Exactly OP!! It's not right at all. Because by now, she should have reported you to the police and you should ideally be having a very merry Christmas all by yourself behind bars.

My God your can't be that thick! What more could she want? Ummm... For starters she wants you to leave her alone! Isn't that clear to you?

Who exactly do you think you are, by the way? The world's greatest catch? You mess up then suddenly decided you want her back so you start hounding her and then wonder why she isn't welcoming you with open arms! And you want to marry her and move to Germany... I'm lost for words here but let me try... So basically you've decided on HER behalf that she is going to marry you and move to another continent without even bothering to pause and think for a moment that she doesn't even want you in her life, let alone marry you and move! If I were this girl then I would file a restraining order against you and ensure that your are put in your place in a way that you will never forget.

Stay away from her. She doesn't want to be wth you and rightly so. Respect her wishes and learn to treat women the right way. This lady is not your toy and you are not a 2 year old baby who tosses the doll away and then suddenly wants it back only to throw a fit if he can't have it. Gifts and nice dinner my ass. You think that's the way to get back with someone? The best part in all of this is, you're not even remotely sorry for your actions in the past; you've been screwed by someone else so now you want your ex back because you can't see anything beyond this. You "think" she hates you? Wow, Einstein here, ladies and gentlemen!!

It's people like you who have made the world what it is today. You disgust me. You are assaulting her and harrassing her and yes, this IS sexual harrassment. This is enough reason to put you behind bars and bring your career to a screeching stop.

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