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How can I get over the co-worker I had an affair with?

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 June 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 9 June 2008)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am married and had an affair with a co-worker who is single. Commitment was out of the question for both of us. It was suppose to be fun and easy, however he abruptly ended it. I see him just about every day so it's difficult not to think about him. I am now experiencing anxiety and sleepless nights. How do I get over this?

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A female reader, paradise United States +, writes (9 June 2008):

paradise agony auntWhy did he abruptly end it? How long did this go on? What are your ages?

The best thing you can do for yourself to empower your self-worth, confidence and dignity is to get on with your life. Flirt with other guys and whatever you do, don't show the pain and hurt you're feeling. Smile alot, do things differently at work, and just ignore him, don't go near him for any reason or excuse whatsoever. Be professional at all times and hold your head high. Gradually, as you gain back control of your feelings, you will start to recover from this break-up and feel good about yourself and your accomplishments. Try to focus on your marriage and your husband to spice things up at home, to redirect and rechannel that energy.

We are co-workers, I am married and so is he, we haven't slept together yet, don't know if we will, but we have developed a strong attraction between us, and right now it's like an emotional affair. I'm not sure what's going to happen between us, but I won't go into it with my head in the sand - there's too much at stake for both of us. After hearing some of these stories as well as I'm in contact with an AgonyAunt who has really helped me alot, I am able to look at the whole picture, and look ahead. I'm beginning the believe that it's just best to continue to flirt and demonstrate our interest in each other in the ways that we do rather than get involved in a full-blown affair.

Good luck, and don't forget - go flirt with other guys. You'll be amazed at how good you will feel!!

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (9 June 2008):

Collaroy agony auntHi,

It was certainly fun and easy for this guy. He had no strings sex on tap with a married lady. No need to put in any effort realtionship wise just sex to enjoy

The fact that you are upset to me indicates that you got more out of this relationship than he did. To him it was just sex with a woman he fancied, to you an emotional attachment built.

Now i'm afriad you are paying the price, he probably thought you were starting to take this more seriously so decided to dump you and move onto the next conquest.

If you are married and are going to engage in adultery you have to accept that the men you are going to sleep with are hardly going to be the stable sensitive types.

Maybe its time to reassess why you are still married if you feel the need to seek emotional attachment outside.

good luck.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (8 June 2008):

rcn agony auntFirst of all, time to tell your husband. He deserves to know. Having an affair is an adult decision. We know as adults, we are fully responable for our own actions. Therefore, tell your husband or file for divorse to set him free. He too deserves to have someone who's faithful and is committed to the marriage.

Anxiety and sleepless nights. If you don't want to be married or be with who you are with, get out of it. I generally help solve issues from within a marrige, but since you've already gone outside to fill a void, you might be in a confused position and really not know what it is you want. This is where you have to be fair to yourself too, and really think long and hard about the next 5, 10, 20 years. Know what it is you want. All though being married may not be it, dragging someone along through years of confusion then deciding is not fair to them either.

Sometimes it's difficult to decide what's best for us, especially when it affects someone else. But this is still your life, and your choices will direct your life. Just remember after this decision is made. It is not okay to do something, that by your actions, knowingly has the potential of causing harm to another.

Take care.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008):

As the wife of a married man who had an affair with a single co-worker, I am glad to hear that he abruptly ended it with you.

There are loads of unattached men out there, find one and you'll soon get over this and put it down to a misguided experience. Let's hope you don't make the same mistake twice.

You'll understand when you finally do get married, that it is just out of order to mess about with married men. Let's hope in the future that there isn't some single co-worker of your husband's that waiting in the wings to sink her claws into him behind your back.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008):

I can tell you in all honesty, that both your husband and your co-worker are not the suitable man for you. Think about it.

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