A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I work in a prestigious corporate role and I absolutely hate it. I feel like my life revolves around my job and I'm so dependent on it (money) that everyday just feels robotic. I went to school undergrad and grad and now I have a corporate role as a headhunter. I have tried to switch companies and landed here a year ago but I just few miserable no matter what company- no matter what people I work with. I have seen this cycle happen in the last three years I'll start energetic and then after a year in the job I just hate it. I tried to dabble in sales before or just a non pressure job but that doesn't pay the bills. I am so miserable and I can't figure what I'm good at - or what I can do. I've read books- I've talked to people and I'm just so lost. People tell me that work shouldn't be fun - because if it was then everyone would want to go but I just can't imagine another 35 years like this. It feels empty - pointless and just plain roboticDoes anyone have any tips?
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male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (20 February 2017):
Don't believe you friends when they say that work shouldn't be fun. I'm quite successful at a job that I love...one that a lot of people would pay money to do. But it didn't come finding me. I found what I wanted to do, then went back to school (while working at my previous career full time) so that I could break into the industry. It sounds like you'd be happier in a smaller company, perhaps filling a variety of roles, and working with people you like. Corporations really objectify people. For example, I feel sorry for bank tellers as none seem to really love their jobs...they are pawns of big financial corporations, stationed at their teller windows to give and take money, all while having to know various procedures, rules and regulations that have nothing to do with having fun.It sounds like you are in at least a medium-size city with some employment opportunity. Make a list of locally-owned companies that are in industries that interest you. Good sources of such outfits are your local business journal, chamber of commerce, or just checking out businesses in office buildings and industrial parks. Zero in on the ones that interest you, and find out who does their hiring. As a headhunter yourself, you probably know exactly how to do this. Drop by with your resume and give them reasons why you are interested in joining their team, that you can cover a wide variety of bases. My business was once in a small industrial park and a young guy would stop by once a month and ask to work for us. I was very impressed that he knew something about the company and I wanted to at least explore hiring him if we ever had an opening that he might fill (we didn't). But he was the only presentable person who ever showed up. I received a lot of resumes but none left the impression that he did by just coming into our office.I mentioned education. Attending night classes at one of our local universities is directly responsible for me getting my foot in the door of where I wanted to be, despite being 50 yo at that time.Your letter hit a real nerve in me as my first job out of college was just horrible...it was in an ugly part of town, in a dirty building, doing the company's "dirty laundry," working in a bad environment. I can't tell you how depressed I was, wondering if that was all there would ever be for me in life. I got laid off there and then had a few more horrible jobs over the next two years. But in that last year, I went back to school and got employed in my first real career, which I loved (I'm now in my second career, which is even better).There is a saying that, "You'll never work another day in your life if you love what you do." Having a bad job is totally unhealthy for your general well-being. You shouldn't stay at our current job as it is really bad for you. But you have to take the bull by the horns to find the right job. Good luck!!!
A
male
reader, rasblak  +, writes (19 February 2017):
Go on youtube and look for videos about rain and thunder storm on a tin roof. Check out the number of comments that thank the uploader for how soothing their upload is, and how uplifting and how much better they feel.
So, I've considered the question... It is very soothing indeed to listen to the rain. I've grown up some 20 years living in a tin house... I know. still, why is it so?
Why is it so... well, would I find the rain still as soothing if I were out there *in* the rain... or has my appreciation of what I do have *now* been enhanced by it?
I quite like Aunty BimBim's suggestion. Make your dreadful job be like listening to the rain, while looking forward to the other things you've set yourself up to do afterwards.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 February 2017):
 I understand what you mean. I have taken active steps myself, both consciously and unconsciously, to not end up in that position. I often look at job offers and wonder if I should apply, because the salary is great. But then I think further ahead, something just screams "no". Those jobs would lock me up, forcing my hand, they would mean I would be confined to an office for those and those hours, and in many occasions I wouldn't even be able to decide my own vacation time, but having it being decided for me, because the work place would need someone at work at all times. So it's not possible to be flexible, not possible to... breathe, I guess.
Then I found a job that I was offered, it's just part time fixed hours, the rest is flexible or only if I decide to say yes, I can opt out of the extra hours if I feel like. And I did the math. Of course I need to pay my bills as well. Im not broke, but I don't have a large budget. I can only afford so and so much now with this job. But I feel a freedom I haven't felt before, I just love it. The work hours are afternoon/evening, but for me that is a bonus. I get to sleep however late I want, sit up late and be creative (I am an amateur artist, so my creations take up quite a it of my time, and Im usually most creative in the evening/at night).
I had to move though. I had to find a cheap place to live, and I had to give up on some things that I enjoyed, in order to fit my new budget. I can draft up my budget however I like, but I usually do a budget for one year at a time, deciding how I want to spend my money this year. For example, would I rather go out to dance or have coffee with friends, or would I like to travel more? I can't do both. Being on a strict budget means you need to prioritize what you want to do, and you need to NOT spend more than you have budgeted for.
It takes a bit of work, but going through your finances and sorting out your budget within what is realistic, means you get to free up your time for the rest of the year. No stress. I stick to my budget, and I know I can pay all my bills. I keep a buffer account that I save up money for, for unexpected bills (they always come, haha). If I can't make the money stretch, I look at what budget posts I can cut from. For example, this year I am prioritizing traveling. So I am taking money out of my budget post for clothes, and use it to save up for a trip instead. I already have tons of clothes, I honestly do not need more. So that's another things I had to give up: shopping for unnecessary things.
With my budget now, almost all of my money goes to living costs. Then second is food costs. I always eat in. Cook cheap meals. But on the other hand I have the TIME to let something simmer for 4 hours on the stove while I sit and draw/write, or go for a walk with my dog. It's relaxing. And fast food, or food that takes short time to prepare, typically costs much more. So there's a huge possibility to cut costs if you change your diet.
You really should look into where you want to live, first and foremost. Do you want urban life? If so, you need to live small. I have a tiny apartment of 25 square meters. Its cramped, but it is nice. It serves all necessary purposes. And I live right smack in the middle of the city, with everything within walking distance. That was my priority. If I wanted something more spacious, I could have, but within my budget it would mean I had to live further away. So there's that, you need to look at where you are happy with living, and what matters to you. Then find an appropriate place that suits your needs and budget.
Do not let money control your life. Decide on what is important to you. Write it down. Figure out how to get it. You don't HAVE to do things the way "everyone else" is doing them. People always get so shocked and surprised when they hear my working hours and the amount of hours I work, and that I am happy with it. It's just so unusual. But I am telling you, life is good, and I get to do everything I want, just can't do it all at the same time. I can't go out drinking, and traveling, and shopping, I have to prioritize. I can't buy that super expensive bag, if I also want to travel. It's a matter of prioritizing. In principle I an still able to do everything I want, I just have to decide on what I want most, and then save up for it.
For example, this month I had the option of working 100% day shifts instead of my usual 50% afternoon shift. I accepted it, but I have the option to not cash in the extra money, but instead take the extra working hours off in vacation time. Which is what I am going to do, so I can travel more this year. It's always a choice, how you want to live life. If I wanted more money, I could have it. But TIME is also precious. Freedom. Living, breathing, traveling, spending time being creative is important to me.
I would strongly advice you to not think you HAVE to do things in a certain way, just because everyone else expects it. Find out what matters to you, what YOU want in life. Do you really need or want money? Could you not also be happy living more cheaply, and maybe even in another city/at the country side? I would start there... where do you want to live? Then find a job that suits your choice of lifestyle, instead of finding a job that somehow will make your life interesting.
To be honest, up until I found my current job I didn't think it was possible to live like this either. I also thought I just hadn't found the right job yet, as if I would be happy with fixed 8 hour days getting up at 5am, if only the job was fun enough. Now that I have experienced a different way to work and live, it is clear to me that I would never be happy with the typical day time job. I would feel unsatisfied and trapped, probably no matter what job. I needed the flexibility, more than I needed the right work tasks.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (19 February 2017):
 I believe, if you find something you enjoy doing as a job, then it doesn't feel like work at all. HOWEVER, finding that something is the tricky part. The society we live in seldom pays high wages for something people enjoy doing - unless you are a professional sports person, entertainer, model or actor, when wages appear totally out of proportion.
We are all caught in prisons of our own making when it comes to money. Growing up, I wanted to work with animals but quickly found I was not clever enough academically to become a vet. Other jobs with animals paid such pitiful wages that there was no way I could afford to get a mortgage, so I ended up doing exactly what I didn't want to do: I have worked in an office environment all my life. And like you, I HATE it. Luckily I don't have that much longer to serve.
My sister in law, on the other hand, decided when she was a child she would work with horses, come hell or high water. This she has stuck to but the price she has paid is that she lives in a caravan on a friend's farm, often needs to borrow money from her mother (the friend is now in her 50s) and has absolutely no stability in her life. She had the offer of "proper" jobs (i.e. ones with regular decent wages) but said she needed to be a "free spirit". She is happier spiritually I am sure, but the price she has paid is total financial instability.
I guess what I am trying to say is that we can actually do anything we like in life, but there is a price for everything and you must decide what you are prepared to pay. The price for your high wages is a job you hate. The price for doing something you would enjoy could be a much lower standard of living. Only you can decide what is most important to you and how much you are willing to pay.
Could you afford to take a year out and go travelling or something else to clear your head and help you make some decisions?
I wish you luck as I can totally understand how trapped you feel.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2017): Surely you must like doing something or have some hobby. Try to find a job that is related to what you like. Do you like reading for example? If you do, work in the publishing sector. Do you like sex? C'mon everyone likes sex, work in the adult films industry.And so on. I hope you get what I mean.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 February 2017):
 Start looking for something to feel passionate about, not to replace your job at this stage but something that rings your bell so hard you can't wait to finish your work each day to get at it!
It could be an activity where you set personal goals ... from something like creating the perfect pottery tea pot to a greater personal goal ... getting fit and entering one of those ninja type TV challenges ...
Or an activity where you participate as part of a group, learning to write short stories, or how to cook the perfect Thai curry ... or an activity where you give back to the community, being a volunteer crisis line counsellor, or a volunteer fire fighter, in Australia we have the SES State Emergency Services who are called into action when there are natural disasters and also when (usually in rural areas) somebody goes missing ...
Once you find your passion then you can decide what role your current job will take ... is there a career waiting in your passion, yes or no? If yes, quit the job when the passion starts creating an income, if no then keep your job and view it as the means to generate the income you need to feed your passion.
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