A
male
age
41-50,
*ostbird
writes:well it has been a few months now and I have seen a lawyer and a counselor I think I am ready to have the seperation chat with my wife of 5 years we have been together for 9. I just wanted to ask how does one approach the other on this? Even though we are oil and water we have a 3 year old who we both love very very much. Neither of us would ever trun a shoulder to her. However I respect her as a person and mother of my daughter. So question I ask is do I just come out and say I want out or? wait for a heat of the moment time? short detail;she has been very verbal abusive to me for many years plus nothing is my choice or decisions and whatever I say is wrong or stupid.If I am running late cause of traffic I get yelled at cause she will be late for work. I once got into a car accident, her 1st words were, I hope I am not late for work. NOt are you okay? I said to her once that I was unhappy and if things don't get better I am leaving, her 1st words were How will I pay bills? I finally stood up to her and said I am tired of all this. I think she is now scared cause she is acting way out of normal by always asking how my day was ,making supper and saying I love you all the time. Yes she never did any of that stuff for years.I am not scared but what worries me is doing this fair and amicable. We both need to be civil but once it comes out I just don't see her being civil about this. this is what scares me about my daughter. For anyone out there who has gone this road or been the reciever of this news please help.thank-you all in advance
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (1 March 2010):
Did you manage to resolve your situation?
A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (25 January 2010):
I have been through this. Mine was the "I'll kill myself" type. So I did it in such a way that I 'slowly deflated the balloon rather than popped it suddenly'. I just spent a few days saying I need to work things out in my life. Then I suggested we should live apart for a while to each decide if we still want to be together. Then I said I needed more time x3/4. Then finally I said its not working and I need a divorce. This process took a few months so we each had time to adjust to each step without creating a crisis. So we have remained friends somewhat. As for the baby, just see her as much as possible and give her all the love she deserves. Legally you have rights.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 January 2010):
Not been there myself, but my girlfriend has, and she said the best way to ever approach something like this is to just sit down and say it. You have to take everything a step at a time, rather then worry about it all at once. So worry about telling her first, then worry about her reaction later, then come to terms about seeing your daughter etc. Everything has to be taken a step at a time.
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