A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex really wants us to have a friendship after we finished 3 1/2 months ago after she became tired of the long distance aspect of our relationship. We were together for 2 years. I accept that I'm probably thinking irationally when I believe that part of her wants to get back with me. We were talking about university today. She's really enjoying uni life, and suggests that I go to University as well. She happened to suggest one only 40 minutes away from her and does a course I'd be interested in. It could be that she is giving these signals and I'm the one mixing them up.Anyway, we had a nice conversation. I was even able to tell her that I'm hesitant to go to her myspace and Facebook, for fear of seeing that she's in a relationship or something. She said that she understood, but also said that someday I'm just going to have to get over it. As much as it sounded a little harsh, she was right, someday I will have to accept she will find somebody new.Last night after she left, I thought that I read on her profile that she was "In a relationship". I say "I thought" because I read that at first, and then a minute later after I re-opened the page, it was gone.This made me realize that in time, I may have to accept that her future doesn't lie with me, and that she is going to meet other guys. How can I do this? How can I accept that one of these days the only girl I've ever loved will find herself another guy to take care of her?Please offer any advice you can.
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facebook, long distance, myspace, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 October 2007):
 Andy what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Stop the contact with her and give it time.
A
female
reader, ladysuzanna  +, writes (17 October 2007):
 answer you know when someone breaks up with you it hurts you believe so much in that person i have a son of 27 he is a only child he lived with this girl for three years he has changed very much since his smile is never there he never answer the phone he is always so angry but he let her go i told him to cry evernight until the pain stops and to talk to his friends because when someone gets hurts they need to talk but you must also stop and think this girl also knows she's hurting you stop talking to her don't go anywhere she goes rember a broke heart takes time to heal god has a reason for everthing there a song called unanswered prayers it is song by randy travis listen to the words you think right now is was the perfect person yes because you still love the more you worry about seeing her with some other guy keep your distance and the sun will shing again if you like you can e-mail or chat in msn remember i have a son to i learn to deal with it one day at a time good luck rember one lost 10 found
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou know nothing about me. You can't say things like "I can see why she left you" whenever you don't know her and you don't know me.
I like the advice, I like the opinions, but I am not going to just sit here and be critisized either. Don't assume that I'm ignoring the advice, just because I'm acknowledging the critisism. A martyr?... Do you honestly believe that I would rather suffer than be happy? Do you believe that I would suffer if I had her back in my life. I didn't before hand. I'm tired of the assumptions and the impressions. Don't assume things about me or her. If there's anything you aren't clear on then I'll explain it.
I'm a different person from who I was. I wasn't this way when she was in my life. Do you think she would have stuck with me as long as she did and under the circumstances we were under if I was what you're portraying me to be.
Listen everyone, don't think that I don't appreciate your help. You could so easilly have sidestepped my questions but you haven't, you've offered what you can. I don't want you getting pissed with me because I'm finding this a tough thing to deal with. I've never had to deal with ANYTHING like this before. In some ways you could say I've been very lucky, I know I do, but that doesn't make things easier to accept. I ask for your patience. Mine is by no means the worst problem in the world, but again, that doesn't make it easier to just accept.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): Oh my.. you like to play the victim, Andy.
To be honest I can see why your girlfriend broke up with you. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but your weakness and insecurity leaks through everything you write.
I don't really see why you keep writing so much and then ignoring the excellent advice that you are given.
Is it because you like to feel the martyr? That is the impression I get.
The only way you are going to get over this long passed breakup is if *decide* to get over it. It's as easy as that. Move on already!
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (16 October 2007):
When you ask for opinions, do not shoot the opiners. Likewise, one opinion is just that. One nasy comment shouldn't cause you to crawl under a log.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDon't critisize me, anon. I've happened to have a very tough time over this situation, so if I choose to ask the same question now and again to see what answers I recieve, then I see no harm in it.
As it happens, I can actually talk to my family and friends. In fact, tonight I spoke to my parents about recent developments and it was all fine. However, I don't like to constantly make them feel like all I'm doing is dwelling on it. In which case, I turn to strangers on the internet, who I THOUGHT wouldn't complain about this, since they have the OPTION of not saying anything if they choose not to. Like you maybe should have instead of just throwing me your fucking critisism.
It is no business of yours how often I look for advice from people. I COMPLETELY APOLOGIZE to anybody who is bugged my me asking for HELP on things that have caused me so much pain and torment. I now see that it was SO VERY, VERY WRONG of me to think that I could come to this site anonymously and plead for your help. If it's too much to ask for you to just say NOTHING then I'm VERY sorry, and will never ask anything of yourself ever again. I didn't realize how much trouble I was causing you... Sorry... Really. From now on I'll just suffer in silence. Thank-you very much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): You have been asking this question for the last 3 months now. have you no friends you can talk to, or family? What can strangers on this website offer you to help you get over your ex girlfriend, that they haven't already? You have asked this 6 times at least, that I have read..always asking how you can get over your ex who left you because it was a ld relationship..how can you stand to see her with another guy? Don't talk to her, don't check on her myspace or facebook anymore, don't email her, text her, call her, etc..just don't worry about it anymore. And don't write back to me saying that you always ask a different question, because it is always the same question, just worded a bit differently.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (16 October 2007):
You have to move on with your life before you can look back at this situation with a smile. First girlfriends make for fond memories.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDon't worry, Flower_girl, you weren't to know my situation in full depth. I just wanted to answer anything you wanted to know. Same goes for everybody who reads this.
Please keep the advice flowing. I hate the idea that there's some other guy with her now, and I can't wait for my feelings to pass now.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (16 October 2007):
 Yes i can see that point about making new friends, i just hope you would go for you and not just in case there is a chance with you two.
There may may not be a chance for you two in the future, who knows what will happen, all i do know is that you need to focus on you and if she wants you back then thats a bonus.
I'm sorry for just assuming that your friends from college would all live near by to you, sometimes it's just a bit hard when you are not there in the situation
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, ladysuzanna +, writes (16 October 2007):
give your self time to forget go out and look around you and you will see a lot of beautiful things to help you forget in time you accept it and besides what are you losing someone who does not even care you deserve better than that ask yourselves a question how would she be in 10 years so better now when there are so many girls out there for you accept and help your heart mend
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeh, I do know that running things over isn't doing me any good. I just don't know how to stop doing it. I can't keep myself distracted for long enough.
As for my friends at college. The vast majority of them live on the other side of the city from me, meaning I'd have to drive to get there, and then when I'd get there, all they'd want to do is drink, and if I drunk, I'd have no way of getting home. It is a problem that I've got to find a way to resolve I guess, I just don't know how.
This gets to me to. These are suppose to be the best years of my life, and now after losing my girlfriend, suddenly I'm not enjoying my life much at all.
Do you really think there'd be no chance for us, Flower_girl if I were to move nearby? Either way, I see your point. If I go up there, it'd be a bit like swimming out into the open ocean. I'd have nobody to help me if things went wrong. However, I believe if I went to any university, I will make new friends, and right now, this is exactly what I need.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (16 October 2007):
Hey you
Going over and over this really is not going to make it any easier to deal with babe.
You are in college at the moment, so where are you not getting out there with some of those college friends and getting pi@#ed up like most students, this is a time i your life when you are supposed to be having fun.
You go to a uni near her and she is still not interested in starting the relationship back up, and suddenly you are worse off because then you have no friends round you, ask her if she can block you seeing her myspace and facebook and then you can't be tempted.
Come on babe i thought we were starting to get somewhere and now you have resorted to posting anonymously.
Chat Take care.xx.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat obvious it was me, eh eyeswideopen? haha.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): Agreed. Andy, sometimes in situations like yours the best thing you can do is go out and get with another girl.One night stand or relationship, it doesn't matter. Sometimes getting with someone else is the quickest way to get over an ex, or at least realise that they weren't the be all and end all that you currently think they are. Life goes on and there are thousands of people on the planet who can make you very happy. Get out there and make it happen.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 October 2007):
Hi Andy. Still having problems adjusting to the breakup I see. Bless your heart, you just can't move on with all this. I really think that you shouldn't even have any conversations with her until you do. It just keeps this wound fresh.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007):
What you are feeling is completely and utterly normal and every person that goes through a break-up feels the same thing.
You ask how you will be able to accept that she will be with other guys and that she is the only girl you have ever loved and the answer is that with time your feelings for her will naturally change.
If you loved your girlfriend then you will always have a special feeling for her, but it will be more of an accepting past feeling, rather than something you want to have again. It will be something that will make you feel happy, rather than sad.
You too will move on, you will become attracted to other women and that women will become the new focus in your life, and this relationship will again make the relationship you had with your ex feel more in the past, rather than in the present.
Like I said it is perfectly normal to have these kind of thoughts, but I promise with time the intensity of your feelings will die down and you will naturally move on and develop those feelings for someone else.
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