A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a guy since March. He's 33 and I'm 20. He's a master student and is going to graduate this semester and go back to his country. Unless he gets a job here. Our relationship is private as we agreed since the beginning, and we started off as "friends with benefits". But you know, now I'm very much in love, "friends with benefits" didn't work for me. I seriously didn't think we could go this far but here we are, almost 7 months together. This is the longest relationship I've ever been in. I don't know if it's because he's older guy but I just love everything about him. And he also did tell me he loved me. But then there's this girl from Russia, him and her were like besties for 3 years. He liked her from the beginning but she just didn't feel the same way about him. Then he got a girlfriend, she got a boyfriend, things didn't work out, they all became single agian..Anyways, they were just great friends. But about a month ago, it was time for the Russian girl to go back to her country because she was done with her masters degree and he went to her place to help her pack and everything. Nothing happened, but something may have changed her mind. She left the country while we were on a trip to Japan, and when we got back, she asked him if he thinks that they could work as a couple. He came clean and told me he had very strong feelings to her even before he met me, and he is very much in love with her now. But they're not anything now so we can still be doing what we were doing, but he'd understand if I wanted to leave him. I didn't want to lose him so I decided to stay with him and see what happens. And now he's telling me that his Russian friend is considering coming back here to try with him. He says he really loves me but he really wants a family and I'm too young to give him that, and he said he wants babies but if I have babies now I won't have my life, so he doesn't want to do that to me. He said it's not like she's better than me but she is more age appropriate and she also wants family. But I'm just devastated to hear that it's not me and I don't want to stop what we were doing. I'm just worried sick every day that he'll get a mail from her that says "I bought the ticket!". Sometimes I feel like what am I doing wasting my time with someone who doesn't want any further relationship with me? But then I also feel like I should enjoy every second with him when I can. I know I'm young and there are so many other great guys in the world but for now he is just everything to me and I am just very very sad. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 Honey either you are seeing him and dating him and in a relationship with him or you are FWB.
The truth is you are going to get hurt. He is just not as into you as you are into him… clearly.
It’s NOT a relationship if it’s just FWB.. just because you are in love does not mean his feelings have changed.
You are in love with a man who is in love with another woman. YOU are being used and he will continue to use you as long as you permit it.
You didn’t want to lose him… what part of him didn’t you want to lose? You don’t have him… you can’t lose what you don’t have.
WHAT A crock of poo with “I really love you but you are TOO YOUNG to have a family” WHAT?
You are over 18 so you are old enough. In fact, it’s rarely that a woman is TOO YOUNG for a man to have a family with… that’s just his excuse for stringing you along till she comes back…
You are wasting your time if you think that by sticking around and putting out he will change his mind and be with you… he’s just with you until the woman that really catches his fancy comes along.
Leave now or be left later… whichever you decide it will hurt but being the one that leaves gives you some control.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 October 2012):
 Yes... you're wasting your time. See if you can't find a REALLY "available" guy to be your boyfriend..... This one isn't him!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (21 October 2012):
 Sounds like your guy is from Russia too. In Eastern European countries age gap relationships are very normal, girls marry very young, so I don't buy into his bullshit that you are not ready for a family. I also don't think one can be in love with two people and carry on sexual relationships with another. It just sounds like a bunch of excuses on his end. He has more to worry than you. He needs to find a job, he is not sure whether he wants to live in Canada. He is not even sure if it will work out with the Russian friend. When you do find a real boyfriend you will think so small of him. I am not doubting that you are enjoying the last bits of him. You can only decide if you want to continue this or not. When you are young you will tend to appreciate and look for the best in people. When you get older you will have much higher expecations.
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