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His text message to me was very offensive and wrong! How do I handle this?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 November 2007) 3 Answers - (Newest, 13 November 2007)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I feel like an idiot. I went out last night to celebrate a friend's birthday. With us was a man that I have had a crush on for quite some time. There is one problem though. He is friends with my ex. I realize that this is not appropriate on so many levels, but I like him. So last night in my drunken stuper I told him how I feel. He mumbled for a few and told me he kinda felt the same way, that I was a pretty girl, but we have too much history. I told him that it was fine that he felt that way and gave him a hug. I left the bar and went home. When I got home I sent him a text that said "I hope I didn't make you feel wierd. Your a rad guy and a good friend. Have a good night!" I had no plans to ever mention my crush to him again or pursue him further. Well, today he sent me a text that said. "You didn't make me feel weird. You made me feel angry. You just don't think before you say shit. It's all good though. Just don't let it happen again or I'll punch you right in the face! That was a joke, I funny ha ha." I am so offended. I understand that he might be mad at me for telling how I feel when I know he is close friends with my ex, however, that was not a cool thing to say. I don't know how to react to this text. I plan to ignore him for now and not text him or call him. But eventually I will run into him as we have many many mutual friends. What do I say/do? I did come on strong but he has no right to to "speak" to me like that. I am very hurt.

View related questions: crush, drunk, my ex, text

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (13 November 2007):

Collaroy agony auntHi,

It was just a pathetic attempt at a joke by somebody who shouldnt be telling them. There is a very fine line between what is really funny and what is offensive.

It's even worse with text messages as the intonation is not clear, so a quip can be misinterpreted as an insult.

I would just forget it and forget him, it is an absolute moronic thing to say that you are going to punch a female in the face. But the guy obviously has a hopeless sense of humour.

Forget it, nothings happened between you two, so in a very short time it will all be forgotten anyway. Count your blessings he didnt feel the same way about you otherwise you might be subjected to his "humour" on a regular basis.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007):

That wasn't a very funny joke at all, and you should tell him so. A grovelling apology would not be out of order and if I were you I'd ask for one. If he's any kind of 'man' he will apologise, if not, forget him - he's an insensitive jerk.

Phil

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A female reader, whiteshadow United Kingdom +, writes (13 November 2007):

whiteshadow agony auntI think that he didnt know how to react to it so he went for the "lets try and cover what was said by being humourous aproach" i realy realy wouldnt let it bother you hunny. He even mentioned it was a joke at the end. Plus with him being a close mate of ur ex.that might be another reason why he is a bit defensive and put on the humourous attitude. I must admit, if i was to reply to that message i would just laugh it off and make a joke myself but i guess your mroe sensitive and i bet he hasnt even realised what he has done wrong or that your even hurt!1 dont worry hun

zara x

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