A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my bf long distance for almost 15mths now. Since I've met him, I've gained about 10-15lbs.Two nights ago, we were texting and I mentioned that I had started a new workout the day before and my body was achy because it was so intense and he responded back by saying "it's good that you're getting some physical activity, I am too. we both need to lost weight, especially you :p"I fell asleep before reading that message and woke up to it in the morning..I was so angry! I just texted him back saying wow, that wasn't rude at all. I didn't hear from him until that evening when he asked what I was doing as if nothing happened.Am I wrong to be upset about it? I mean, I know I need to lose weight but I figure my bf could at least be a little more considerate about it..right?? Should I even bother bringing it up, should I ignore him for a while, Should I just let it go..I don't know! Any advice would be appreciated, please and thank you!
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female
reader, Nime +, writes (2 June 2011):
 Just a thought, do you often complain to your boyfriend that you're overweight? Do you keep repeating things like: "Oh, I'm so fat," and "Oh, I need to lose weight," and "Are you sure you don't think I'm too fat? You're sure?" That gets to a person after a while and if you're bringing your weight up all the time, as most girls do, your boyfriend might think it's safe for him to point out what you are already constantly pointing out to him anyway. Just a thought.I know it hurts, but it sounds to me as though your boyfriend feels you two are close enough that he can be honest with you, which is a high compliment from him. What he said did not sound callous to me at all. He said you BOTH need to lose weight, after all. My boyfriend and I workout together and eat together and are honest with each other about what we can work on - once you get over the embarrassment, it's actually fun. Even when we were LDR we'd "workout together" (at the same time) and plan meals together. If I were you, I'd take your boyfriend up on his hint and get into a routine together, it's a lot of fun.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): I don't think your BF would have any business commenting on your weight if you had started dating him at the size you are now. But you have changed a bit since he was first attracted to you.
If there are no extenuating factors (like if you've been with him for several years and you are aging normally, or you had a baby while you were with him, etc) then I think he is within bounds commenting about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): OP here..thank you all for your responses..
One thing I forgot to mention was that this isn't the first time he's made jokes about my weight. He used to tease me about it when we first met and I asked him to stop, and he did..until now anyway!
I've decided to just let it go and chalk his comment up as more motivation to get back into shape.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 June 2011):
 oh yes i agree he meant it as a joke.... doesn't change that he said it and it hurt....
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (1 June 2011):
Haha this guy didn't get the memo. Dating 101: Do NOT ever comment on a woman's weight! She will come at you and use your skin as a coat.
That said, atleast he's being honest. I've had my fair share of dieting, jojo-ing, skin issues, blah blah, etc. etc. When I felt and looked bad and people told me I looked great I knew they were full of shite. Sure it feels nice and it gives you that excuse to indulge in a calorie laden treat, but it's not true.
Sure, his comment was inconsiderate, but if it's true that's not so bad. Sometimes it actually helps motivating yourself to get into shape when people aren't sugarcoating it. Losing weight because you think you should becomes a more real goal when someone else agrees that you need to lose weight. So don't take it the hard way--he himself admitted he needed to work on his body too-- just tell him to be a bit more diplomatic about it next time.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (1 June 2011):
 I think it was insensitive of him.
You should be proud you are caring for your body! What he said was not very supportive/encouraging.
I WOULD let this one slide/ignore, but if he has a habit of handing you "backhanded compliments" (When someone tries to saying something nice, but it comes with a bitter smack at the end..)
So, if it KEEPS repeating, I would alert him that his sharp tongue discourages you from your goals. As children, we are often taught "If you can not say something nice, then say nothing at all."
The truth can still be KIND.
The last time a bf (now ex!) said something like that to me I responded, "You know, I read this article about how bf's who make their gf's feel sexier and more appreciated had better sex....get the hint?"
He did not get the hint. I was more direct with him.
(Some added background. I am also doing something about my weight and fitness. It SUCKS and its hard! I do not look for compliments, nor do I "brag" about how Im doing. It is my personal project. My bf made a comment that he saw a difference, but he thought I could do waaaay better...
I never gave him the impression I was done, nor did I "report" to him about my progress. I told him the comment was unsupportive and discouraging. I tried humour, I tried gentle, I tried direct. He just did not get it.
So, I broke up with him and decided I did not need his sabatouge for the person I loved most...ME.
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A
female
reader, Smileypants +, writes (1 June 2011):
 Try not to let this become a big issue. I agree that it was a "poking fun" kind of joke, but women who need to lose a few don't like it much!! I bet that's why he didn't even mention it later- probably felt bad. Just casually mention it hurt your feelings, and im sure he'll give you a big hug and kiss and say sorry. Then drop it!! And as you lose those 15 lbs, go get something really cute and flattering to wear to reward yourself, and flaunt your hot bod to your man!!
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (1 June 2011):
 Let it go. It was a joke; one which was based in reality, but still a nicer way of saying it than "Lose the weight."
If you get upset about this, not only will you be less happy, but you'll look crazy and hypersensitive in front of him. Better that he makes a joke about it now, linking it to his own desire to get into better shape, than for him to wait until you're 25 lbs overweight and he can't even joke about it.
Don't let it get you mad, and don't let it get you insecure enough that you won't see progress for what it is. Let it go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): No it really was a joke dont listen to the first post. My bfs and guy friends have joked like that even when i had gained wieght i was still thinner than all of them. If he was actually going to b mean he would have said it differently. Just tell him you were hurt by it im sure hell say im sorry i was joking. Dont let it get u down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): It was a joke, a pretty stupid joke but he meant no malice in it.
You're over reacting OP, it was just a stupid joke. Tell him it kind of upset you a bit and he'll apologize. Please don't make a big deal out of it, just let him know that weight is a sore issue with you and that he shouldn't make jokes about it as it kind of hurts. He'll be sorry and that's all he can do.
I learned a long time ago never to make a joke out of a girls weight, although I can with my current girlfriend because she's not overly sensitive about it and she's not overweight anyway.
It's not wrong to be upset about the comment, but it would be wrong to overreact, just talk it out with him and let him know that stung a lot but do accept he was only messing. He won't do it again then OP and everything will be fine.
He didn't mean anything by that comment and if he knew how hurt you'd be by it he wouldn't have said it. So just calmly let him know but don't hold it against him or react.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 June 2011):
 IF we all had those "airbrushed" bodies we see in the magazines we'd have no reason to hurt each other with stupid insenitive remarks but we don't so we all need thicker skin.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 June 2011):
would you rather him pretend that your body is perfect the way it is?
I mean you yourself have acknowledged that you need to lose weight.
my body is far from perfect. I've lost a lot of weight and have a lot of bad skin issues. I make comments about how gross it is and my boyfriend agrees... and that hurts... I tell him... tell me i'm beautiful... but he says "even you say your skin is gross"... he's got a point...
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