A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My heart is broken. I'm so afraid that I've lost hope of winding up with the person I know in my heart is for me.I love one of my closest friends, and I know in my heart that I'll NEVER love anyone else like I love him.I'm afraid that he's lost interest and that it's my fault. I don't know what I did to cause him to lose interest, but I am so afraid I'm to blame and it's killing me because of the very real possibility that I will die alone. There are other men but I have my heart set on this friend.Also, is there any hope he could ever return my love, or should I just give up on love?We became very close friends about a year ago, and he seemed to really like me and showed interest in me as more than a friend. He was separated from his ex wife and said he didn't want to go back to her. They have a son together, whom he loves dearly.We spent a lot of time together and even went out on dates.Then he started to get distant and I found out he's been going out on outings with the whore he was married to. He told me a month ago that he didn't want a relationship with anyone.I had had doubts about our relationship that were killing me and needed to talk and he PROMISED that we could but kept saying, ''next week'' and kept putting it off.I needed to talk to hiim and I was feeling sad and confused and had doubts about our relationship. I called him last night and he was very cold to me, saying that he didn't want to talk. he said he cared about me as a friend. I poured out my heart about how lonely I was and he just seemed irritated. I saked if he was going back to his ex and he refused to answer but I NEED to know!He's shut me out and it's breaking my heart because I need him to care about me. He says he cares about me as a friend but I can't bear that he's shut me out in the cold. I love him.I need a word of comfort. I need him to love me back.I KNOW in my heart I'll never love anyone eolse.I'm so afraid that I've caused him to lose interest. What did I do?I need him and I don't understand how he can hurt me like this. Please don't tell me to find another guy becaus I'll never love anyone else. I know God made him for me and my heart is set on him.Can love find a way for us to be togehter?I'm an absolute mess.
View related questions:
ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 June 2013):
 OP I know you are lonely... and I know you think he's the only one you will ever love, but I can assure you that love is out there for all of us in many shapes and forms and with more than one person.
I doubt seriously that he will ever love you the way you want him to. I would not pin any hopes or dreams on being with this man.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2013): Hi, all the advice given is telling you to do the right thing- if you spend your life sitting with this, it is going to drain the happiness and will to live out of you; unreciprocated love happens to EVERYONE, usually a few times at least in people's lives- and can destroy people.
Just reading this makes me want to pack it all in :( - truly sends " a shiver down my spine", as one poster said.
Some people just have complexes too deep to deal with this on their own- you need to get a good therapist to give you professional help through this. Look into psychiatric help please, you may need medication to take the edge off. As someone that's suffered with anxiety and depression, I would say you're (if not already) heading towards severe depression.
Please go to the doctors, look into any psychiatric help you can get, if you can afford it I recommend private?
Take care, I really feel for you X
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 June 2013):
 Oh I agree with SVC in this one here.
You are in a very unhealthy place right now.
You said this:
"Please don't tell me to find another guy becaus I'll never love anyone else. I know God made him for me and my heart is set on him."
If you're bringing God into this, then you can't pick and choose what He does and endorses. You know that according to God's religion, He wouldn't "make" someone for you who is already married to someone else. Separated is NOT divorced and you know it. If the divorce isn't finalized, then this "whore" as you called her, is not his ex, but his WIFE.
Also, that "I'll never love anyone else" crap? Go take a cold shower, because that is VERY unhealthy, and is actually uttered by stalkers, obsessed crazy exes, people who do harm to themselves and others (I'm worried about his WIFE actually!).
You need to get your out of control emotions back under control before you do something you're going to regret. Speak to someone professional, because there is an extreme instability and unbalanced view on things in play. I would guess your family and friends are worried about you now, so listen to THEM and go talk to someone and leave this guy alone.
As for finding someone else, DON'T. You need this guy or another man like you need a hole in the head. You need to make YOURSELF whole...meaning you can NOT use someone else as a crutch for your life. You don't love this guy -- you're using him like an addict uses heroin.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 June 2013):
 This is what separations are for: to decide if a marriage should be saved or not. He appears to have decided yes. Make last night the last conversation you initiate. You will have to give yourself some time to grieve but, since you were not together all that long, perhaps you will get past this sooner than you think right now. Make sure in the future you only get involved with someone who is totally and legally single; don't settle for less no matter what they say.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013): Is there any hpe that he will ever love me in the future?
I need to share my life. I'm o lonely.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 June 2013):
You are not going to like what I'm going to say but I have to say that reading your post sent a shiver up my spine.
You sound like a woman who MIGHT if pushed do something dangerous to herself or others.
I doubt if it's anything you did to cause him to lose interest. If he has a wife and a child with that wife, then if he's still tied to her and wants to try to make it work with her then that's an honorable thing to respect.
If you truly loved him as much as you say you do, you want him to be happy. EVEN IF that means he's with someone other than you. Hard to hear and accept but it's true.
I do not think for one minute that he's doing this to be cruel and hurtful to you but I can tell you that if it was me and I had an ex who refused to accept that it was over and continued to attempt to contact me, I'd file a restraining order if I felt it necessary.
I am also twice your age. I've loved, I've lost and I've loved again.
My FATHER who met my mother when she was 16 and married her at 19 and held her in his arms when she died at 58 loved her so purely and deeply and wept for the one and only time in his life as he buried her, managed to meet another woman and while it's NOT the same for him as being with my mother, he has love again and he's not alone at all.
I know you are hurting and you can't see the future but I strongly urge you to find a counselor or therapist you trust and can work with to work on your grief and your loss over this relationship.
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (18 June 2013):
He clearly doesn't want to be with you, so I guess by definition he cannot be "the one God made for you."
You have one of two choices -
1 - Get out there and find out there are plenty of people we are compatible with and enjoy your life.
2 - Sit home and waste your life wallowing over someone who doesn't want to be with you.
Your call....
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (18 June 2013):
 I'm not quite twice your age. In all my life I have met one person who carried his love for his first and only love to his grave. I still like and admire the guy. He turned out to be a very good person. The point is that it is very rare. You could still be the second person I have met who will mourn for a life time. I have better hopes for you.
My advice is to start the grieving process. You are still in denial. There is more and worse to come. You will not make him love you. He has made his stand clear.
FA
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 June 2013):
 I am going to be honest with you if it is what you want to hear or not. It sounds to me like he is going to give his wife another chance. My mind tells me that he loves her and he wants to try and make it work, he also has a child with her so it probably makes him want to be a family unit with her. Yes this is difficult on you because you got involved but it sounds to me like you may have just been a rebound for this man while he tried to get over his wife, something that I do not think he has achieved. You are not to blame here, am pretty sure that you never done anything wrong, however his heart belonged to his wife to begin with.
The best thing that you can do now if you love him is to let him go. Yes it is hard but you need to distance yourself from him, allow him to be happy with his family. In time you will feel much better. I am not telling you to go and date other men, time on your own might be good, however you cannot keep thinking that this is the only man for you or else you will just keep hurting yourself. It is time for you to take control of your life and allow yourself to be happy as an independent woman.
...............................
|
