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They're both friends, she cheated -- I feel caught in the middle

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Question - (18 June 2013) 5 Answers - (Newest, 19 June 2013)
A female Denmark age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone, I have friend that´s temporarily abroad for work - she´ll be back in one month. She confessed to me that she´s cheated on her boyfriend with some man there...And she begged me not to tell his boyfriend, that is my good friend too...He is very good guy and he smells something´s bad but I always told he has nothing to worry about. But since my friend told me what she did it´s extremely hard to lie him and tell him that nothing´s going on since I know there is. And it´s really breaking my heart when I see how he´s happy to see her in a month.

I don´t know what to do. She´s my great friend, we´ve been friends forever, so I can´t tell his boyfriend whom I´ve known for shorter time...But this liyng and pretending is driving me crazy...Any advice what to do?

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A female reader, sugarplum786 South Africa +, writes (19 June 2013):

sugarplum786 agony auntIts not your place to tell him, also your friend said this to you in confidence. Assume you expose your friend and her BF decides to firgive her, you end up being the bad one.

Sometimes its best not to get involved.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (19 June 2013):

Honeypie agony auntI would ask her straight out HOW she would feel if the roles were reversed and HE had cheated, would she want you to tell or not?

And then I would call her bluff, and tell you she NEEDS to be the one to tell him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2013):

Shake some sense into her and don't give in until she agrees to tell him herself, because it's guna be pretty heartbreaking hearing it from you, or anyone else. Tell her point blank you're NOT going to tell him- this just isn't an option. You just need to keep trying to persuade her to tell him, there's really nothing else you can do; the fact that she hasn't even thought enough of him to tell him herself is a seriously hard blow- does he not deserve that? She really should not have put you in this position, if he later asks why didn't tell me? Just explain you didn't didnt want to hurt him.

Good luck xx

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (18 June 2013):

Anonymous 123 agony auntAs bad as the situation is, its really not your place to tell the guy anything. Tell the girl exactly what you've told us, that its extremely hard to lie to the guy and tell him that nothing´s going on and that she should ideally clear the mess without involving you any further.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (18 June 2013):

aunt honesty agony auntIt was unfair of your friend to put you in this situation to begin with. It is hard to keep the truth from somebody but at the minute it is not your place to tell him. I suggest that you talk to your friend and tell her how this has made you feel be clear and honest with her and maybe she will do the right thing and tell her boyfriend but it has to be her choice. For now all you can do is try and forget what she has told you and just avoid that topic of conversation with her boyfriend.

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