| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: He broke up with me again! He always comes back after a while, do you think he'll come back to me again?Ok, I posted about something like this a few days ago. the thing is he has issues with my past. I really love him, and apparently he does too, however he confuses me because he's so obssesed with my past!I have told him the dirty details already, and he has grasped them already I think (he gets the odd jealousy pang here and there), but the worst has already been out from a long time and he said he wanted to be with me forever...Once, in the beginning of the relationship, I told him that I once accidentally walked in on my sister and her then BF having sex (we didn't even know each other back then). I made a stupid joke/remark and said that my sis's ex had "at least something to be prud about" (he was a pain in the rear, but had a big you know what... not that I care about size, it was a joke). At the time my (ex) bf didn't mind much, except for my insensitive joke for wich I apologized.Today he remembered that, and asked me to tell him how I had walked in on them. i explained that he was home alone, and that my sis had taken me with her (she was 16, I was 15) to cover up for her because of my parents (she had told them we were going put to the park). So we went to his place, and I was alone in the living room, after like half an hour I went to tell her that I was leaving, and they were in the bedroom, so I saw them.My (ex) bf told me today that he was very dissapointed, that he didn't think I was so horny, that I even liked the other guy's penis, and that he doesn't buy that it was an "accident" that no one is that stupid to believe that if they were in the bedroom they'd be dressed and holding hands. That I was cheap, and he was leaving me.Tomorrow he's going on a trip until Saturday. He said he was single now, so he could fool around with anyone he wanted (I asked if he was going to mess with someone else). However when he's upset, he always says those things...He's been very loving to me. Most of the time, so i do believe he LOVES me. Will he come back? We have so much in common it'scrazy, we get along so well and just click, so yeah, I'd like to be with him, I don't want something so insignificant and stupid as the past to tear us apart. I haven't cheated on him nor anyone, I've just made out with a couple f strangers and gave oral to an ex fwb (who I no longer talk to, because my [ex] bf knows him). I'm not really cheap! I've made mistakes, but I've changed.Also if he does, how can I make him see it's his problem? He does get angry rather easily and is quite insecure even though he tries to look secure... if we break up for good, do you think he'll have similar issues with next girlfriends? On the other hand, are most guys like this? Will they judge me for my past?
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broke up, cheap, horny, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): I have been married for 18 years to a great girl very hot blonde .
She wrote a book which I did read it did not pick up too much so I started to ask questions , big mistake very big.
I cant tell you what she told me but it was way way worse then anything I saw here way worse.
I needed to know if what I assumed was real was or just me being crazy well I was not crazy.
It has been the hardest year of my life ever more pain then I could bare .
I loved her had two kids with her and to find out what I did was unreal.
I do love her and I have teo small kids so I have no choice but to stay , she really cant take care of herself .
Many days it felt like was dying when she would say what she had done , now I dont trust her.
she cheated on everyone she was with yet I am supposed to think I am so much better then them that she wouldnt do this to me ?
Yea I trust that what I search for is agirl who has been around alot to ask what she thinks and if I can get over this and stay its really hard I cantstop thinking about it and it invades my dreams I get knots in my gut all day long.
She was so sick I am sick from it.
Thanks
J
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 You can find lots of posters on Dear Cupid asking exactly about this issue. It's unfortunate but true that past experience comes to be a sticking point, and a very painful one at that, for many men.
Try
http://www.dearcupid.org/keyword/sexual%20past
or
http://www.dearcupid.org/keyword/her%20past
These questions have been answered by both men and women. Check them out and see how similar their situations are to your guy.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Hi,
oh dear, I only hope that your theory about whether he will be like this with other girls comes true.
You may have found your soul mate, but he is a damaged soul mate. He will only make your life miserable when he comes back .
You ask us if all men are like this? the answer is hell no! Though some are and we see them on this site whinging about the past loves of their girlfriends, they are just self absorbed a-holes who only think about themselves.
I'm sorry you love one of them, it must be a nightmare for you. dont you see that he is taking out his troubled past on you, he wont talk about it and that is the one thing he needs to do , talk to a counsellor. Otherwise you are his punching bag. Don't worry about him coming back to you, you know he will because no other girl would want him.
My wife's sexual history would make you look positively virginal - but to me it means I have an experienced lover who loves sex - I know her previous partner was well endowed - so what? she chose me not him.
You have to realise that everyone is responsible for their own actions, sure he had a troubled childhood, but he has done nothing about it and he isnt the only person to have had a troubled childhood. I'm sorry but these types just infuriate me, they take all their screwed up little issues out on the people they love.
It's time for him to stop taking out all his shit on other people - please tell him that when he comes knocking on your door again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): Also, not only does he get angry easily with me, but with his mom and brother too.
He was abused and abandoned by his father when he was a kid, and also has been cheated on by some gfs before, I don't know if any of that could have an impact now. He never talks about his problems with anyone.
Also, he always says I'm the cheap one, because I did those things with guys who were practically strangers or guys that I didn't have a serious "relationship" with... whereas all his experience was with girls he dated for at least a month, and there was a sense of commitment. However, I've been his longest relationship and according to him, his first and only love.
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