A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:HiI am in a dilemma. A while back my friend had a birthday party, which we all had alcohol. I had just a bit too much and started hanging all over my friend's brother, crying into his shoulder. It ended with us almost making out, but she walked in before it got out of hand. I am a virgin and he is 3-4 years younger than me. I felt ashamed about it and apologized. Here lately, I started hanging out at her house almost every weekend and he is there too. He has been super sweet and we have been getting closer. He has opened up to me and I couldn't help but gain some feelings for him. He is younger than me and mentally (due to the age) we are at two different stages of our life. I don't think 3-4 years is a big age difference, but due to where we are, I doubt it would work out. Even so, I can't help but have these feelings. I have kept these feelings to myself and honestly I am really frustrated. I do not plan on acting on these feelings, but here lately he has become more bold on letting me know how he feels and it is getter harder for me to ignore my own. I was wondering, does anyone had any advice to get over these feelings? I thought about stopping the weekly visits I make to my friend's, but she would get suspicious and I don't want her to think I chose her brother over her. I want to be responsible adult, yet he is making it clear that he wants a relationship. Thank you so much for any advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2015): He's too young! He's a child. Stay well clear of him.
Find someone your own age and let him fin another child his own age.
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (4 February 2015):
 It's not unusual to get (friendship) close to a younger sibling's friend who is a few years younger than you (like 16 /13, 19/15/16), but you have things in common, and you don't think about their age when you're with them. It's not horrifically bad (yet) because it's a crush on someone who *happens* to be too young, not a crush on them *because* they are too young, but you do need to create space, as hanging around your friend's place will encourage him to attempt something that would get you in trouble, if you didn't stop it the second it happened, like him trying to kiss you (which, I'm sure you know, would ruin your friendship with his sister and have nasty rumours spread about you - even if you stopped it).If neither of you have admitted these feelings, I think you should not say anything and just meet your friend at yours or go out each time for a few months. If you have told him how you feel (it didn't seem like you had, in your post), that was a very stupid thing to do and that *is* very wrong because it's crossing the boundary between a crush that can go away without any harm and a crush that has now been admitted about a minor. If he has admitted his feelings for you, it wouldn't be fair to just walk off; you'd have to have a quick, one-sided (you) chat, literally just to say "I'm sorry, but I'm too old for you and I don't feel the same way" (even if the last bit is lying, for now), then to leave the room immediately; you don't want it blowing up or getting all emotional.If you both admitted it, you'll need to do the same as the paragraph above, but change the words to "I'm sorry if I've lead you on, I shouldn't have done because I'm too old for you and this won't work because it's not right".Either way, you need to stop going round there for a while (after you've spoken to him, if either/both of you admitted your feelings, if not, don't go there at all for a few months), just meet your friend elsewhere each time - say you want to get out more.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 February 2015):
 Uhh, one way to get over this is to schedule a tour of your state prison. You're in the US, where the age of consent is 18. You're an adult and he's 15. Can you say "Statutory rape" or it's younger brother (pun intended) "Committing a lewd and lascivious act on a minor under the age of 18" which making out falls INTO THAT CATEGORY????
They just convicted an 18 year old girl of statutory rape of another 16 year old girl. Some states are harsher than others, but this guy is serious jail bait.
4 years is nothing after everyone is over the age of consent, but it's the destruction of everything now. Get your head on straight before "convicted sex offender for life" gets tacked onto every job resume or college application you will ever file.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 February 2015):
 3-4 years difference is NOT bad once everyone is past 21...
until then there are huge emotional and mental differences and they can NOT be ignored.
I like the idea of visiting away from your friend's home and if he won't back off (after you talk to him and let him know why he has to wait till he's older to pursue you) then I think it would be OK to let your friend know what's going on.
After all if in 4 years when he's a grown up if you two STILL have a spark it would be ok THEN to give it a shot being aware that if it fizzles it could be awkward with him when you see his sister later on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 February 2015):
 If you are 19 and he is 3-4 years younger he is 15/16, and yes a bit too young + he is your friend's LITTLE brother.
I'd honestly invite her to your place instead and pretty much avoid being alone with him.
But if that is NOT going to happen then TELL him. I can't DATE you. You already know that dating him isn't smart, mostly because he is your friend's little brother. So nip this in the bud.
You being a virgin has nothing to do with anything. And do consider not drinking alcohol if it makes you do questionable things.
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