A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I can’t stop thinking about a guy who goes to the gym I work at. He’s literally dominating my thoughts. The problem is I’m a Personal Trainer so as well as helping run the gym I’m not really supposed to date or be in a relationship with any members.I met this guy a few months ago when he first joined the gym. He's 32 and I'm 28. I did his induction. He was definitely my type and he seemed really nice and easy going from the start. We started off having casual chit chats here and there whenever he was having a work out and then one night we literally sat on the floor in one of the gym studios chatting for about half an hour. I completely lost track of time and the fact that I was supposed to be keeping the gym tidy and he forgot he was meant to be exercising! But I just really enjoyed talking to him and how down to earth and funny he was. I will absolutely admit I’d developed a proper crush on him and remember the rush of excitement I felt when he mentioned he was single. It was strange because as you can imagine we get guys in there who are properly fit with chiselled bodies, whereas he was nowhere near that level and just had a normal, skinny frame yet I just found him infinitely more attractive. I guess it was his personality more than anything else. I helped him one night with an exercise plan to help him bulk up and showed him how to use some of the more advanced pieces of equipment and again just really enjoyed his company. We seemed to bounce off each other as well and had a lot of playful banter. He also started getting really flirty with me and as much as I wanted to flirt back I had to stay professional.However last week I can tell my crush turned into proper feelings for him, probably because of an incident that happened. I had to sort out a petty row between two members because apparently one of them was hogging a machine (yes really). One of them then got really abusive towards me for some reason. He was horrible, throwing all these needless insults at me (An ugly slag amongst others). It really got to me how he chose to target me over everyone else who got involved when all I was trying to do was calm the situation down, was it because I’m a girl and he was a misogynist? Probably. I do deal with it quite a lot in my line of work. But then my crush stepped in and told him he was being out of order. He really stood up for me which I appreciated so much, especially when none of the other members who got involved did. None of them really batted an eyelid at the way I was being spoken to. But my crush did. He was a proper gentleman afterwards as well because the whole thing had left me quite upset. Like I said the guy just chose to get personal with me for so reason. As we left my crush offered to drive me home to save me a bus journey and even bought me a McDonald’s on the way, which is hardly the most appropriate food for a personal trainer on a strict diet but I'm allowed a cheat day once in a while. We sat eating in the McDonald's car park and again just had such a laugh. He was just so easy to talk to and we get on so well.Again he was just an absolute gentleman afterwards. He didn’t try his luck with me or anything even though I probably wouldn't have minded deep down if he did, he just dropped me off at my front door and said goodnight. For the last week or so I've not been able to get him out of my head. We had another really deep conversation yesterday after he finished his workout and again I just completely lost track of time. I was meant to finish at 10pm but ended up staying until nearly 11pm! But I didn’t mind. He talked about some really deep, personal stuff as well like how he tragically lost his son to cot death and the subsequent breakdown of his relationship with his fiancé thereafter. It was almost 10 years ago but he said the pain of losing a child never really goes away and my heart just broke for him. I think it really speaks volumes as well that he's at that stage where he can talk to me about such things. I'd definitely feel fine talking to him about personal stuff that's happened in my life. I really get the feeling he likes me as much as I like him as well. There's an obvious spark between us.I'm part excited and part dreading if/when he asks for my phone number and things escalate from there. I do take my job very seriously and we’re a large Gym chain as well so really have to keep our reputation for professionalism intact. It isn’t a written rule or anything but it’s genuinely frowned upon for PT's to form relationships with members, even if they aren't giving them 1-to-1 training. I know the manager of our branch wouldn’t like it at all, he did make it clear during our training. But does 'frowned upon' mean I'd just get a bit of a finger wagging? Or would I actually put my job at risk? I just don't know. Is he the perfect guy? Of course not. I’m sure like every other person he has his faults. I know I shouldn’t really be placing him on this pedestal but I can’t help it. Every time I see him I get butterflies and my mood just lifts immediately. As much as I take my job seriously, I've been really hopeless when it's come to my love life and none of my previous relationships have worked out the way I've wanted them to so I'd really hate to pass up an opportunity like this, especially when I already feel so strongly about him. Any advice cupids?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2021): Hi! I'm the one who posted :)
Thank you everyone for all your advice. I have an update...
Soooo he asked me out last week as I was expecting and half excited about/half dreading. I was honest with him and said I wasn't supposed to date members of the gym. So he did what most of you suggested and offered to switch gyms. I didn't even have to ask and he just offered to do it. There is another branch of our gym that's a bit further away for him but he honestly didn't mind a bit. He told me I was completely worth it and said he really, really liked me. So switched his membership over for him, meaning we were free to go out together and I had nothing to worry about!
We went for a drink on Monday night and I had the best time. Again we just clicked and the conversation flowed so easily. There may even have been a bit of kissing at the end of the night...
I'm seeing him again on Friday and I literally cannot wait. Thank you again for all your help!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (9 October 2021):
 I forgot to add the age-old advice, don't eat where you crap. Don't date where you work.
Figure it out, be professional.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2021): When it comes to dating, I would not recommending dating co-workers (including your boss) and customers. Doing so, you are putting your reputation and your job/career on the line.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 October 2021):
I think YCNBS's suggestions is rather clever and it might just work:)
For now, though, keep being professional. And any personal chats should happen OUTSIDE of the workplace, not on company time.
If it turns into something more, HE can change gym for a while. Right? So you don't lose your job. If he doesn't... maybe he isn't as good of a guy as you think.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2021): Unless there's something in WRITING in your work contract that you've signed saying you cannot engage in relations with members of the gym then your job shouldn't be in jeopardy. However you may end up kopping some flack from your manager over it if he's said he doesn't like it, so just be prepared for that.
Then again, would it be anybody's business if you did go out with him? A person’s private life should be just that; private. I would presume you’re switched on enough to know not to sneak off for a cheeky snog with him whilst you’re on duty at the gym? As long as you keep things professional with him whilst you’re at work then you can do as you please outside of it. From what you’ve said and the passion you’ve put into your post I would definitely go for it OP. He does sound like a nice guy and I can definitely vouch for how you feel about past relationships not working out like you’d hoped or being unlucky in love as it were. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 37 and like you and this guy we seemed to have this connection straightaway. I got a feeling after about a month that he might be the one and 16 years later I can definitely say I was right!
Trust your instincts and your feelings, you only live once after all! Good luck and I hope it works out for you :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2021): If it's a big chain then surely there's another branch nearby(ish)? If he likes as much as you like him and wants to go out with you then I'm sure he wouldn't mind switching to another gym to get around this no dating members 'rule'. Problem solved. Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2021): You've already taken this as close to the edge as you can go; and it's abundantly clear you are on the verge of taking the leap. Even if it could cost you your job. You know a few stories, and you've had a few chats. Not much to go on. What about your job?
You can't quit, only to find out it was just a passing-fancy on both-ends. You're becoming distracted on the job, and that is unprofessional. Your boss may not say anything to your face, but taking notes. Even if it's only a finger-wag; consider your job-performance review. That's where you might see what's on the boss's mind; and then it goes to Human Resources, and it's kept in your employee's file. They love excuses to withhold raises, or pass you over for promotions. Be smart, sister!
Your post was very long; and I take it that you're totally smitten with the guy. I'm not going to advise you to go for it; if you've got bills and rent to pay. Gyms are easy-pickings when it comes to sexual-harassment lawsuits; or accusations of inappropriate conduct. All a grifter needs is a witness; and they can screw you to the wall. That isn't necessarily the case; but you do know the rules. You're trying to argue yourself a case for breaking them.
If you can't transfer to another branch, you have to weigh the pros and cons about keeping your job. You'll be setting a precedent that others will want to follow; and that will send the company's rules on conduct and ethics down the loo.
If your gym is part of a chain, the rules are usually not so flexible. You don't want a reprimand on your record; and they might let you go. If there is nothing more than finger-wag, or slap on the wrist to worry about, why is your post so long?
Is there room for advancement? Are you salaried, or is your income based on a commission, and the number of clients you have? Take all this into consideration. You still have to have a job, whether you date him or not.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (6 October 2021):
 I'm sure there must be other gyms in the area. If it looks likely that you two will become an item (that's not a given at the moment), why not suggest he joins a different gym (if, indeed, he really wants to go to a gym)? Way down the line, if the relationship gets serious, he can always join as a "new member" who was in a relationship with you BEFORE he joined the gym - if you get my drift. ;-)
A bit crafty maybe, but it's one way round an awkward situation.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (6 October 2021):
 It seems like you are crushing on him, crushes don't tend to last forever and can be often short lived and fizzle out over the natural course of time.
By you own admission you take your job very seriously, and also they seem to have a very strict policy on dating customers, as do most work establishments.
Keep as professional as you can in the work environment, don't give staff any reason to think you are flirting with gym members in any way. Talk to him on a professional work basis, being friendly, and if anything is going to transpire between the pair of you let it happen away from the work place.
Just be careful if you do start seeing him and then for what ever reason things never worked out it may make things awkward for you both, for you seeing him at the gym, and he might feel awkward going to the gym.
I know that you feel strongly about him, but in reality you really know nothing about him at all. Just keep things all light hearted, and let things transpire naturally and away from the work place.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2021): If he asks you for your phone number, tell him you'd love that, but you have to check with management first as contact outside work with the punters is frowned upon and you don't want to lose your job.
I heard a programme on Radio 2 recently where three large corporate bosses were interviewed about how they felt about, and what company policy was on relationships within the work place. They all sounded wonderful people who were human and said that although it wasn't encouraged or condoned, that if the people in question came to them and talked about what had happened, then they would be supportive and try to help the situation in whichever way they could. It was when it happened and they didn't know, that they thought things had got beyond their control (within the workplace) and were unhappy about it.
I have no idea obviously how your boss will feel about this, but I would talk to him/her and see what they say.
If they are against the idea and this man and you want to take things further, could he join a different gym Then you'd keep your job and you could try being together.
Good luck.
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