A
female
age
30-35,
*ecca07
writes:ok.... so my and my boyfriend have been together 2 yrs. recently we ave been arguing a little about silly things like every couple does. a week friday... my boyfriend took me to the vets because my rabbits needed jabs. anyway... my boyfriend had to take me to the vets and the day before he told me that someone was coming to fit a cd player in his car. i said to my boyfriend that i would cancel the vet appointment bt he insisted on taking me. when we were in the vets he got a phone call that the man who was fitting the cd player was at his house so he went home. when i had finished at the vets i rang him an he sed that he cant pick me up an of corse... like any normal person would be i was annoyed cos i was stranded with 2 rabbits an i had work in an hour. luckly enough, my grampy picked me up. anyway... i spoke to him that night and he said becase of the way i spoke to him, i cant go 2 the rugby tha was on the satrday... which i was really looking forward to. because i didnt think he was serios, i went to cardiff myself an was there on my own from 10 til 3 in the afternoon. he made me go home an i was in tears on the train. now... he wants a break... what ave i done? ive said im sorry.. even tho i donno wa im sorry 4 cos i aint done anything.. its as if hes changed. its making me depressed as i ave no friends an only go out with him. i got my school prom in 3 weeks an it looks like thas gunna b ruined aswel... after ive paid all that money. it seems like hes doing everything to make my life hell... an its working... really well. an i still want him... i love him. Someone please help... im desprate =( becca x
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (26 March 2008):
 I don't even know where to start with this one.
Look at what you wrote.
"he said becase of the way i spoke to him, i cant go 2 the rugby tha was on the satrday"
"he made me go home an i was in tears on the train"
It seems he thinks that he has the right, or even the duty of correcting your behaviour if it displeases him and punish you accordingly. Is he your father? Your teacher? Your boss? A judge? Why no, he is you boyfriend!
Why do you feel he has the right to punish you for being a free person? He was the one who double scheduled and left you standing, he was the one who made you cry. Where is his punishment?
Most couples don't work this way. I think he is trying to control you.
You say you have no friends, have his actions in those two years had anything to do with it, or at least not helped the situation?
I think he is also trying to isolate you, to make you more dependent on him.
This has all the hallmarks of the beginning of an abusive relationship in the making.
It is hard to argue against love but at least you seem aware that something is wrong. Perhaps you can accept that just because you love someone that person can still be very wrong for you?
Sit yourself down, and ask yourself, "do I deserve better" and "does anyone have the right to behave to me like this".
Is love worth this? Are you not worth more?
(Might it be that your father (or male guardian/rolemodel) had a rather dominant role as well and you mother (or female guardian/rolemodel) was submissive to him? Was there mental or physical abuse when you grow up either between your parents or towards you?)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): Sounds like tit for tat on his part, but the real problem is mis-communication, and lazyness on both of your part to negotiate and come up with a plan that both of you can agree on.
Like the vet, planning ahead to drop you off, and having some other means to get home should have been done before you left for the vets. I already could see that once the guy started work on his car, it would take time to get the job done, and during this time, you would need a ride.
You both need to work on communication and planning, otherwise, things will get worse.
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