A
male
age
16-17,
halfamoto
writes:I lied to her, I've tryed proving to her that she can trust me, but nothing has changed, infact its worsened, do I stay or go?I'm 11 months in, I've spent every day with her bar a few odd occasions. We barely ever argued however now it's everyday that something comes up. I confess, I lied to her face about not smoking cigarettes when I was, and she found up, that caused major problems. However that was about 2 months ago, and since then atleast every other day she tells me that she doesnt know if she still wants to be with me. The thing is i love her, and its messing me up when she says things like that. I've told her i'd never lie to her again, I've not touched a cig in the 2 months. But its just not the same. I don't feel like I can take her saying some of the things she says to me anymore. Part of me wants to end it, but a huge brain f**k is telling me that it would be the worst choice of my young adultish life.Please help me, I'm pretty lost at the moment.Many thanksJJ. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (30 March 2008):
 whoa
She has nailed you to the cross for lying about smoking cigarettes and all the while she was lying about dalliances with her ex?
You don't even owe her an explanation.
You are done. So done.
Give yourself time alone to heal before you start the dating scene or you'll attract another witch. You have some healing and growing to do.
Boy ... she is some piece of work. We all make mistakes, but to ride you like she has while she was guilty of the same crime, to a more serious degree ... she has some ego. blech
A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (30 March 2008):
 Uhhh...are you kidding? You know.
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A
male
reader, halfamoto +, writes (30 March 2008):
halfamoto is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust found out that she met up with her previous boyfriend of 1 year and a bit whilst we was going out. She let slip by accident. Unsure of what to do anymore. Am i just being a pussy? End it? gaaaaah help! thanks a bunch
JJ x
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (26 March 2008):
I have to agree with the others, this is not about smoking. Do you know how many woman are on here that would be thrilled if their boyfriends quit smoking, drinking, looking at porn for them? Jeez.
My sister used to smoke weed and lied to her boyfriend about it and he found a joint on her dresser- he was pissed and broke up with her because she lied. She owned up to it, promised she'd never do it again, and now they are married and that was about 10yrs ago. She kept her promise and he doesn't throw it in her face- that simple.
Congrats on quitting, by the way!
She has other reasons for not wanting this relationship, I'm sorry.
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (26 March 2008):
Cigarettes are not the issue.
You broke her trust but that is human, not criminal. You are proving that you've stopped smoking and, provided you have not lied about anything else, that you're worth the risk, to trust again.
Actually, the way she can't let it go is a HUGE red flag to me. You don't need your nose rubbed in something that is over. The next time she threatens you with she doesn't know if she wants to be with you, tell her that is fine because you don't want to be with her. But you better mean it, or don't say it.
My step mom occasionally would say to my dad, "You want a divorce?" in a menacing voice. After years of hearing that, one day Dad said, "YEAH! I DO!" That was seven years ago and he has no regrets. She does, though. I love her but you know? A person can only take so much manipulation before they say, "I am SO outta here!"
Either two people are working towards the same goal(s) or they aren't. I don't think she is ...
Take care of yourself. No one else will.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten + ♥, writes (26 March 2008):
 Hi
Blimey you have managed to stay off the smokes for 2 months and are still getting it in the neck? I think she's being a bit hard on you to be honest, but obviously we dont know the full sp. Lying wasn't the best idea at the time, but most people know what smokings like! Its an addiction, and people lie a lot more where addictions are involved. Its not a biggie though is it? Not like some third party was involved?
You are gonna have to ask her if she can ever see herself trusting you again, realistically, because if not, there is little point in continuing really.
C xxxx
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