A
female
age
30-35,
*ovelyLo
writes:Hey. So me and my boyfriend have been going together for 6 yrs now. Our relationship is pretty good for the most part. However the past couple of months he's been giving porn more attention than me. It's made me a bit insecure, and I'm starting to feel like it's impossible for me to spice up our relationship because I don't know how to top porn stars ?? Finally I had enough one day when I was feeling my lowest and he swears I'm totally over reacting and it's just a "guy-thing".He started watching it while we make love together. And it's make me feel even more sh*itty.Help! I need tips on how to spice this relationship! How to get him to WANT to focus on ONLY me?
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (25 May 2018):
 I agree with DarrellG.
This is exactly what you should do and you should also make YOUR FEELINGS clear to your partner.
If you don't tell him how YOU FEEL, he won't know.
Also, please remember that "porn" isn't "reality", but "fantasy".
Sex within a porn show, is NOT what REAL LIFE SEX is all about!
Your partner is obviously "addicted" and he may require professional help, if he cannot make a positive change, for the sake of your relationship.
If you & your partner can't work together to make your sex life better, then you need to have a serious think about the future longevity of your relationship.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2018): If he's paying more attention to porn than you then he's developing an addiction to it. You should be the main focus of his sexual attentions. If someone has an addiction to porn it's unlikely anythiing you do to spice things up will help.
Discuss this with him. Tell him how it makes you feel. If he fails to address his problem and continues on with his behavior, then you'll have to ask yourself if you really want a future with him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 May 2018):
 IF you don't want him to watch it during sex, TELL him. And if he can't respect that, STOP having sex.
As for watching it otherwise - for the most part I think it's not a HUGE deal UNLESS it means he is neglecting you in the bedroom, and since he is, I think you need to have a talk about it - how it makes you feel. The whole "it's a guy-thing" is such a cop out piss-poor excuse.
And OP, why is it YOUR job to try and spice up the sex? What is HE doing to spice it up? Watching porn? Yeah, that is working...*sarcasm*
You two REALLY need to talk about this.
And OP, you DO know that porn IS NOT reality, right? It's FAKE, acting, pretend, scripted. So if a "porn-star" seems like she/he is out of this world great.. it's called acting from the "actors".
And if talking about it does nothing, then what? If you feel DISRESPECTED and he ignores how it makes you feel, what then? Is this how you see your future?
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A
male
reader, DarrellG  +, writes (24 May 2018):
 Similar thing to what I said in another question. The first step is getting him to realise what is going on here and that is that he is an addict. Nothing will change until he comes to the point of realising that because he wont see it as a problem. You need to realise that too and approach him as you would if you were approaching an alcoholic or a drug addict. Porn is his fix.
Once you have got him to that point you need to get to the root cause of his addiction and why this all started and then address that. If he cant come to that point then you need to be ready to go because this is already getting you down and will only drag you further down.
Sorry but its as plain and as brutal as that. good luck
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