| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: i am trying to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he is a virgin and whenever we try to have sex he loses his erection, and it will not come back, he is nervous and scared that it will keep happening and he will not be able to become hard enough. help!?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (16 January 2007):
 CD was right on!! I absolutely agree that you guys should set aside a night to just have fun with each other. Be naked with each other, be together with each other. Just touch, kiss, lick - what have you (I won't get too graphic here), each other. A night of exploration.
Once you guys get really comfortable with each other, that erection will stay in place, promise. It happens to every guy - it's nerves kicking in. The key is to be open with each other, talk to each other and for the love of God, have FUN with each other! Who cares if it doesn't happen "right" the first time or two? The journey is a whole lot of fun.
Just reeeeeelllaaaxxxx... don't force it, no pressure. Put on some music that's nice and soothing. Bob Marley, Damien Marley - I find that reggae is super sexy and chill in the bedroom. Music will take the edge off. Then it's not awkward silence (which can be awful!!).
Alright, sweetness. You'll get it right, just take your time and have a blast getting there.
xxIndia
A
female
reader, CarrieMagdelene +, writes (16 January 2007):
 Hey! This happens a lot to inexperienced guys, so let him know that because it's his first time, some anxiety is probably going to present itself. I agree wwith this others-FOREPLAY! This helps you to get to know each others bodies, and all of the natural things present: Pubic hair, booties, breasts, each others genitalia, etc. Let him know you're comfortable with his body and that you feel comfortable with him looking at yours. Tell him how you feel about him, and discuss the anxiety he's feeling. In addition, don't rush through foreplay; as this just makes it more stressful for an inexperienced man. Nerves play a major role in maintaining an erection, so take it slow and talk him through it. Once the erection is achieved, keep talking in an understanding and soft voice and let him know you're cool with everything and that he has nothing to be nervous about. If you are not on a good and effective birth control, make sure he knows how to use a condom; have him do a test run the night before to make sure it fits. Also, if the condom doesn't work, it can be a little embarassing for the guy, and he might feel as if you don't think he's smart or, erm, macho enough to put on a rubber. Whaaaaaat!?, you may be crying...Yes, to be completely honest, guys worry about that sort of thing. If the condom doesn't work, that's what spares are for, so just whip out an extra one and try that one. If the erection does go down after the first failed attempt, you'll probably have to start all over...but don't sigh like 'oh, here we go again', because that will make him feel small and embarassed. I have the feeling you're very understanding when it comes to your boyfriend's body and its reactions. Keep at it, because it's only a matter of time before it happens for the both of you!:) Enjoy life! -Carrie
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A
female
reader, Lilly223 +, writes (15 January 2007):
 Slow down, take your time, explore each other, and take the attitude if it happens tonight, it will happen, if it doesn't we can always do this again. When he is relaxed enough, comfortable with what is going on, and ready, it will happen. Right now, his little man is reacting to the pressure he is placing on 'getting the job done." Really, what is the hurry? Relax. Soon, very soon, it will happen.
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 I think you put aside a night for just enjoying each other. Tell him that you will not be having sex, just becoming more comfortable with each other and make oral sex as far as you go that night. He sounds like he's scared but possibly thats not just cos of the actual sex. If you do all the seeing each other naked, exploring each others' bodies separately perhaps he'll feel more relaxed. Hope this helps.
CD
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