A
female
age
30-35,
*xlittlemissxx
writes:Hi aunts and uncles ofcourse :)For 4 years I was with a man 17 years older than me, from the age of 16 until I was 20. I decided to end the relationship because it had ran it's course and i knew it would never be more than what it was.. I guess I grew up. I swore i would never date anyone anymore than 10 years older than me. Now almost 2 years down the line and 2 failed relationships later - if u could even call them that I have met someone. We got chatting, this led to texting and phoning.. Then I discover he is 15 years older than me. I am totally stuck here. I've spent a fair bit of time with him and enjoy being with him, but my head is saying no. I speak with him every day and it feels a bit like we are together in a way - just not sexual. And I don't feel it's fair to get sexually close to him or any more involved while I'm in doubt. My dad is very strict and would have a fit if I told him I was even talking to him. Help!!!
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female
reader, xxlittlemissxx +, writes (9 June 2011):
xxlittlemissxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst and foremost I am 22. Second he is not married, he has been married 10 years ago however this is no issue. I am just unsure if I want to go down the whole road of having endless fights with my father over this - again. Or him refusing to speak to me or making threats to the guy. My dad still likes to think he is in control
A
male
reader, freeme  +, writes (8 June 2011):
 If you are younger than 18, and selected the wrong age here, I say forget this guy. I have to wonder about this because of your mention of your father.
Otherwise, if you are 22+, and you enjoy your time with this guy, just go with it. Why deprive yourself of joy?
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (8 June 2011):
 Sorry I dont really understand the issue here. You say your dad is strict - yet you are an adult, aged 22-25? How can your dad still dictate at your age who you date? And surely, when you were 16 going out with a 33 year old that was far worse? How did you manage to have a 4 year relationship with a man that probably was a pedophile if your dad was so strict?
And what is your problem with dating older men? Obviously there is a problem when you are aged 16 going out with a 33 year old as that is wrong on a number of levels. However now you are 22-25, and dating a man aged 37-40, you are both adults, if you like each other what is the problem?
The only issues I can see here are:
1. Is he married and having an affair with you?
2. Is he divorced? And you have a problem with dating divorced men?
3. Does he have kids? Is the issue that you dont want a man with kids?
4. Does he not want marriage and a family because he already has that from a past relationship? Whereas you do want marriage and kids?
If he is in his late 30's, has never been married and doesnt have kids - chances are you can still have a good future with this guy and have all the things you want. I would understand the problem if he didnt want these things but you do - however you have not indicated much in your post apart from you simply dont want to do an age gap relationship again. You have not said why, so it is hard to understand your question.
When I was 22/23 I was happily dating a guy in his mid thirties, if you are compatible and want the same things from the future then your relationship is no different to a couple where they are the same age. The only issues from age gaps ever arise when a) one person is still a teenager b) the two people in the relationship want different things from life.
Maybe if you give some more information it might help me give a better answer, I honestly cant see the problem here so maybe you can enlighten me!
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