A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was due to attend a wedding next week of two very dear friends. One (him) a relative of mine and she a great friend.It seemed a marriage made in heaven. They both have great jobs. Though she is a tiny bit more qualified than him. That was of no cinsequence.They have been getting on so well. Not a hint of trouble. Everything on track. Last night I receive a very sad call. The wedding is off. All because her mother has staged a huge tantrum about him not being good enough. That he's not ambitious enough. And her mother is very ambitious for all her children. The girl's mother rules the home. The Dad is meek and mild. Yet this lovely girl has always deferred to her mother. The girl did not even announce it was over to her fiance. The girl's mother cancelled all the arrangements and called all the guests.I received a so very sad call from the prospective groom. He went around to see his fiance but his (was to be) brother in law barred his entry and would not let him in to speak to her. Her phone is off. I tried to phone her at her Mom's home, where I expected her to be and her Mom said she was too busy. I feel in the middle of uproar. He wants to share how upset he is tomorrow with my husband and I.and he asked if he could talk it over with us, because he is so shell shocked. He said he never saw this coming. Though I know he is angry that she went with her mother's demands rather than talking to her fiance. I want to offer her support too, if she asks for it.But i cannot understand why she allows her Mom to rule everything. I want to be fair to both of them. And give them both support. But what is the best advice I can give them?It is not for me to do anything that would make this mess any worse than it already is. But it all seems so tragic and it should never have happened. I could see no trouble betwen the two. And I suspect the bride to be just had some wedding jitters which her mother escalated into a fiasco that should never happebed speak to him.
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ambition, fiance, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 March 2011):
 Yikes. Tell the "groom" to consider this... If he had married the girl that woman would be his MOTHER in Law, imagine the drama she would create down the road?
I honestly, agree with the anon male who wrote that he needs to "thank" her.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 There is a part in the ceremony that says:
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
The same goes for the woman when she becomes a wife. She is a grown woman and if she is also in the same age group as you are; If she isn't standing with him now; I think that he may be dodging a bullet here. My own children have been making their own decisions about their lives since they were 18.
You need a STRONG woman to be a wife and mother, not a weak one. I think that this shrewish woman's daughter isn't yet mature enough to break away from a demanding parent, which makes her a lousy candidate for a wife.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (1 March 2011):
 I would tell both of them to speak to a therapist.
He has been horribly betrayed. Yet at the same time, if his wife to be has such a submissive nature that she could be turned against him like this, he needs to come to terms with why he would have wanted someone that was that influence-able as a life partner. Surely there was some indication in her personality that she would be this easily manipulated.
She needs to get professional help to get to the heart of why her family has such a hold on her. Assuming that is the case. For all we know, SHE is the one that didn't want to get married and is using her mother and family as the excuse so that she does not have to take the responsibility of calling off the wedding.
Listen if you can, but if it gets too intense, refer to a professional.
-Frank
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A
female
reader, Aunty Honest  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 I'd have to a agree with Blonde30. Staying out of it is probably easier but offer your friend and relative lots of love and support. Unfortunately that's all you can do to ease such a sad situation.
As an aside, has anyone actually spoken to the would-be bride? You say you can't get hold of her, I just wonder how much of a say she's really had here, and if she is able to leave her Mothers? Worth checking, because if things were going as well as you thought they were, why wouldn't she at least tell him to his face?
Don't despair however, people can only be oppressed so long, hopefully she gets back to her guy before he's moved on.
Hope things look up
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): Mom and the daughter did the prospective groom a LARGE favor.
He should lick his wounds, tighten his belt, and run, not walk, away from his former fiance. He does not want this woman. He would be marrying her mother too, if he married her. Some day he will realize how lucky he was.
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