A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I began college a month ago (I went early, I turn 18 in a few months' time) and I'm having trouble relating properly to people because almost everyone else here is going out drinking and partying till really late and I can't. It doesn't seem like the kind of thing I would ever want to do anyway.I've made a few good friends in my dorm, but I don't see them very often as they are mostly sophomores and we have different schedules. They seem like decent people, but even they go out to bars all the time. As for the rest of the people I've met so far, I don't want to sound judgmental but they seem more interested in drinking than actually studying. I try hanging out with them in our common room, but I feel like I'm going insane. I met one guy I really liked last week - we seemed to get on well, and he actually flirted with me. Then, today, he ended up crushing my self-esteem as he bragged to the rest of his friends about the "hot girl" he'd been texting all night.Am I doing the right thing by sticking to my values? I try telling myself what they're doing isn't all that fun, but it's hard when everyone else, even the closest friends I have made, seems to be doing it all the time.
View related questions:
crush, flirt, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): The costs outwiegh the benefits of consuming booze. Therefore, it is best to stay away simply cause of this reason. I commend you for your position. Your parents raised you well. Im sure you feel out of place, pressured, and even a bit alone in your ways. In college, find people who you mesh with well. Forget about the party animals....the partying will catch up to them sooner or later in bad ways. They are risking a lot by doing what they do and what youre doing, its an absolute role model kind of way. You'll find your group or certain friends. remember, the quality of friends is more important than quantity. So, who cares if everyone else is out getting laid and drunk and playing all those stupid immature drinking games. There were nites in college I stayed home and worked on music and now I have my own radioshow so Im pretty damn happy in making the choices I did. Stick to who you are in this manner. It is best and I do admire you.Kind Regards
A
male
reader, Shadow_Phathom_of_the_Opera +, writes (2 October 2010):
 Trust me. You don't want to get started partying. It isn't healthy for you (especially your livers can fail fast from over 10 drinks of any type! Whether it'd be a whole beer mug to shot glasses, etc)... two, if you must (life or death) go to those parties, take a friend who stands by the same values, and stay close to him/her the whole time. Heck, hold hands, and don't let go (as dumb as this may sound). Don't drink ANYTHING in the ENTIRE room (Even tap water, I've actually heard people who have gone out of their way to spike the tap), and never bring any of your own drinks, because all it takes is for you to set it down, and some moronic gorilla to drop something in your drink, and you'll be out faster than a light-bulb near a monster truck wheel.I've never partied, and I never will. However, some of my acquaintances and friends are no longer with me anymore, because they decided to choose this path, and it lead them to their grave (even after I made a public service announcement throughout the school). Yeah, I miss them, and it's their path of Armageddon they chose.However, you can always throw a video-gamer party, and keep it a sober party (just make sure if you are not a gamer, someone can lend a 360, PS3, or Wii). If you can make a lan party out of this, there will be people playing, and others just watching in on the action, and you could even talk to others while your at it.
...............................
A
male
reader, BassiveMalls +, writes (2 October 2010):
 If all the guy said was that you were a "hot girl" your self esteem should be boosted not crushed. You have got to think like a guy with his friends here. If I met a girl I really liked I would tell my friends that I met a hot girl. Even if she wasn't really hot that's not the point. You're trying to tell your friends you like this girl. If I told my friends, "Hey I guys I just met this girl and she's great. She's funny, smart, she's likes the same art as me and our favorite flowers, tulips, are the same. I'm going to pick some fresh ones tomorrow form my orchard." My friends would call me a fag and probably beat me up.Calling you hot to his friends is the best thing he could say. It may not make sense to you but every guy does this. Just trust me and give this guy some slack here.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (1 October 2010):
 It can be fun to be sober at parties, depending on the company. If parties of any sort aren't your thing, then certainly there are other people like you, and you could try to find them. You have plenty of time to make friends this year.
I'm curious about the guy you met, though. Did he say anything really nasty to his friends? Because if "hot girl" is the worst term he used, I think you're seriously overreacting. If anything, I would be flattered in your shoes, unless there's some info missing.
In the end, you are always doing the right thing by sticking to your values - *especially* when under pressure from other people to change. That said, none of these people seem to have any ill will toward you, so don't be too quick to dismiss them, especially if they manage to get all their work done in addition to the partying.
...............................
A
male
reader, xtatic_kid  +, writes (1 October 2010):
I was like like when I first started uni too. It took me about 4/5 months till I made a good group of close friends which I prefer than having a million random acquaintances.
It is naturally hard at first, but trust me you will make friends. Keep yourself busy. Make the most of the people in your course. It only take taking to a new person in lectures, in classes etc to start a friendship. Then ask if they would like to hang out later etc.
I found that once I had made my friends, it was easier for me to go partying as I had them to hang out with.
Life works best in a balance. Perhaps the occasional night out won'y hurt. It'll give you a chance to meet others and see what all the fuss is about.
Remember you are at college for your future, so keep an eye on your studies.
...............................
A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (1 October 2010):
Sometimes life is about being there. I'm very introverted and even antisocial. Sometimes when I hang out with friends I honestly would rather just sit home alone. But I go anyway. It's important to be able to relate to people. For Joe Six-Pack, that's easy. For the introverted intellectual, it's not so easy. You don't have to go every time. But you should give it a try.
Don't turn it into a "value" judgment. You don't have to get drunk, or act like an idiot, or participate in the conversations about Jersey Shore or whatever. Just go along, hang out, and participate in something. Everyone fits in in some way. Have a beer--you might like it.
On the other hand, do you think you picked the right college? Maybe another college would be more full of people like you. Just a thought.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (1 October 2010):
 Keep up the good work! You definitely won't regret it.
My freshman year of college was one continuous party. It's what so many people do. I'm not going to lie, it was a lot of fun, but I also ended up with a 1.3 GPA and on academic suspension. It took a lot of work to get that over a 3.0 before I graduated.
Do I regret all the parties? Nope. I learned a lot that year, just not in school. I do regret the wasted money.
You may not fit in so much now, but in a couple of years that will change. As you get past the early stages of college, you get into the classes where the more devoted students are. All those party animals have been weeded out by that time, or they've adjusted their habits.
You're not doing anything wrong. Be proud of yourself for focusing on school instead of the rest of the temptations college has to offer. It can't hurt to go to a party once and a while just for the experience, but if it isn't something you're comfortable with, then wait until you're ready.
Good luck with your studies.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 Well firstly yes most people when they go off to college, party and drink alot this doesnt mean you are wrong in not doing it and also you shouldnt change to fit in with people, if the partying scene is not for you then if theyre friends they wont leave you out or think your weird. Maybe you could go on a night out with your friends without drinking you never no u might actually enjoy it
...............................
|
