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I’m nervous about losing my virginity? Any tips?

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits, Health, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 March 2019) 9 Answers - (Newest, 15 March 2019)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

hi everyone I was hoping to get advice on losing virginity as an older overweight woman. I am 27 years old and I am still a virgin. I have a fwb situation going on and I plan to lose my virginity to him. The Problem is that I’m extremely nervous about this. I do want to do it but Im just so embarrassed about my lack of experience and my confidence in my body and appearance is so low. I do like him a lot but I’m not the type that he usually likes which is also strange. I feel so dumb and childish for even writing this but I don’t know who else to talk about this with. I can’t talk to my family because they are very religious and my friends don’t seem to care. I would like some advice or tips or maybe what to expect?

Thank you for reading

View related questions: confidence, overweight, still a virgin

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2019):

Female anon is incorrect, it may hurt a lot, it may just be uncomfortable or it may not hurt at all, it depends on a few factors. I would suggest OP google it

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A male reader, Harry29 United Kingdom +, writes (13 March 2019):

Harry29 agony auntI have to disagree with "female, anonymous" - it does not ALWAYS hurt to lose virginity.

Nine years ago I de-flowered my 26-year-old virginal girlfriend and she said it didn't hurt a bit - and she had never used tampons to ease things down there - although when "playing" she did use wrapped bananas and the like!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2019):

It may have hurt “like hell” for Anon, but it doesn’t hurt everyone. There can be a bit of pain/soreness, but major pain is just as unusual as no pain at all. A large part of pain or not is to do with being lubricated and relaxed enough, which is why feeling comfortable and loved is generally better for your first time. The rest of Anon’s advice was spot on, though.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2019):

What to expect? Pain girl the first time hurts like hell.So with that in mind you should wait until it is with someone you Love and really really trust.You must trust that they will stop when you say stop because the pain gets to be to much to bear.This is why you need the trust.Some guys will not listen and pound away no matter how much you cry in pain. It gets less painful as you do it more. But anyone who tells you it does not hurt are lying.Before you do it go to the doctor.Get educated about std safe sex and birth control.Always use a condom no matter what the guy tells you.Get vaccinated for hpv because girl you can get cancer from it.I knew someone who married at fifty three and was a virgin.What a wonderful gift to give her husband.Save yourself someday you will fall in love and will be glad you waited.Your body size does not matter I do not know why you even mentioned that.Do you want to do it because you have low self esteem and will never have another chance?hogwash girl there is someone out there who could love you you just have not found him yet.

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (12 March 2019):

YouWish agony auntI'm with the others on the advice (i.e. birth control, condoms, it would be better with someone you're in an actual relationship with, and YES Candles are a girl with image insecurity's best friend) but I wanted to share something to help you feel better...

It sounds like you're anxious to lose your virginity to ANYONE because you feel like you're old and are put on a shelf. I have a really good friend who didn't lose her virginity until she was 43 years old! 43!!! She called me the day after it had happened and was "giddy" with excitement. She and her boyfriend proceeded to try and make up for all the years she missed out on sex. My point in telling you this is - you're never too old to lose it, and it's much better losing it to someone who genuinely cares for you as a person and not just a warm body!

BTW, they married just 9 months late and just celebrated two years of marriage. He is very happy that he was her first, as he had celebrated retroactive jealousy in the past with former relationships along with a few other intimacy anxieties. They are both perfect for each other.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2019):

thank you to everyone who replied it truly gave me a lot to think about! I appreciate all the answers.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (11 March 2019):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntFor what it's worth, my response is coming from experience as an overweight young woman with no confidence in myself or my appearance. That's why I'll always advise waiting until in a loving relationship with someone who makes you feel safe and relaxed, who will also focus on making sure you're okay and having a good experience.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (11 March 2019):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntI'm with Honeypie. You really like him, but he just wants sex. This has BAD IDEA written all over it. Why don't you want to wait for someone who loves you and is truly attracted to you - not just for sex?

#1: Birth control AND condoms - no exceptions or excuses. No condom? No sex. No birth control? No sex. He may try to convince you that sex without a condom feels better, but it's BS - sex will be awful if you end up pregnant or with an STD.

#2: Candles, not lights. Tell him you'd like it to be sensual, otherwise he'll focus more on himself than you and your first time will be horrible.

My overall advice would be to get out of this FwB and wait until you're feeling safe in a relationship, for comfort's sake.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 March 2019):

Honeypie agony auntHAVE birth control at hand. CONDOMS for him and PREFERABLY be on birth control yourself for a month or two. the LAST thing you need is to get knocked up by a guy who is willing to have sex with you but not date you.

Secondly, have candles lit. Not lamps, it will probably make you feel a bit less focused on your body. And he KNOWS you are a bigger girl, so he won't be "surprised".

TELL him you are a virgin and that you really don't know much so if he can please be patient and gentle with you.

Lastly, ARE you sure it's a good idea to have sex with someone you REALLY LIKE who doesn't seem to like you back with the same level? MANY (especially women) BOND emotionally with the person they have sex with, which means you might want more or feel more after the sex and HE might not.

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