A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend wont introduce me to his family. I asked him at the weekend why, but he didnt give me an answer. He just said I dont muscle into peoples business so I dont expect people to do the same with me.We have being together for 6 month now. I know he is a private person but when you love someone dont you want to show them to the world. He has met my friends and family. I know he is a bit older than me but he always says age is just a number, so it cant be that. Im sick of asking him about it as he just shrugs it off as If it shouldnt bother me, but it does!I sometimes think if no one knows about me then he can have a quick exit. Does anyone think I am getting upset for nothing?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): You are with someone who wants to keep a double life. It bothers you enough to seek out advice and that is enough reason to question whether this relationship will work long term. Leading a double life has all sorts of disadvantages associated with it, one of which is that you have to wonder how loved you are that the man of your heart's desire keeps you a secret. Another disadvantage is that he could date other girls and you can't know about it. You are close to the facts to decide whether or not you can continue to trust this guy. How do you make a decision about his level of honesty when his life is a secret to you? You can't, and that's the painful answer. However, it will be even more painful if you invest more time, emotion and hope in a guy who wants the freedom to see other girls if he feels like it. Also, he does not seem to be really committed to you if he thinks you are "muscling" in on his private life by asking to meet his parents. You are an outsider in his life. He is not serious about you, and that's okay. You have other opportunities for romance, but because you are involved with him you are not opening up yourself to all the opportunities in this universe. It will continue that way. Cut off the romance and be prepared for an even better experience.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): Hi, thanks for all the answers guys. He is 6 year older than me and we live very close to each other. I dont think hes really close with his family as his grandparents brought him up. He does talk about his mam and dad and I know he goes and sees them as they live close to him. He seems to be able to tell me what they doing on a daily basis so he does talk to them a lot. He always says *his family mean the world to him*
There is no one who who he knows, know I am going with him. He tells me *people who I talk to know about you*. Who these people are I dont know!
I know his parents dont know about me as I see them where we live and they never look at me. I only see him when he wants to see me, but I know for a fact he isnt cheating on me.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Actually, I am going to agree with you on this one. I would feel like something's off if my boyfriend of six months is using that reason as an excuse not to introduce his family to you.
If the answer were "My family is still a bit upset over my divorce of my ex", or "my family really doesn't get along with me" or even if he says he's not ready to take the relationship to that level, those would be reasonable explanations.
However, "Butt out of my business and don't muscle into it" is a wad of bullshit, and that would be sending off all kinds of red flags to me. What is he defending himself against by not letting you into his life AND giving a reason like that?
If you two have become sexual and exclusive, and his family lives in town, if he hasn't at least talked you up to them, I'd be questioning things.
He could be on bad terms with his family, or they're too attached to his ex (that is very common), or he might have had an embarrassing past that he doesn't want revealed to you yet, or he thinks that the old-fashioned "Introduce you to mom and dad" is a hair away from proposing marriage.
My personal opinion is, if the two of you are having sex, then he is disqualified from ever using the "don't muscle into my business" excuse. He should give you an honest answer. There are legitimate reasons, and he should be man enough to explain it to you, unless he really doesn't see you as serious and long term.
If he's not even mentioned you to them or you've never met his friends or he only wants to see you at certain times, I'd be nervous that he's cheating on someone with you. But if those aren't the case, then it's more like what I listed before.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (16 May 2011):
Maybe 6 months is not long enough. Some families can be complicated, and it can be a huge step to introduce a partner in to them.
If this is the only complaint of the relationship then I would put it down to a difference in belief and just leave the matter. Maybe consider it again in another 6 months?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 How much older is he? It's not like he lives with his mom if he's an adult person, and family has a different meaning to many as they grow older. Perhaps they live far away or he doesn't get along with them.
I think you should leave it be. If it doesn't matter to him then there's probably a reason behind it. Why do you care so much if you meet his family? Maybe they don't care about his love life, and that's why he doesn't bother to introduce you because his family are the ones who aren't interested.
Some families just aren't close.
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