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He wants to finger me but we don't want to have sex

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Question - (10 November 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 14 November 2017)
A female Tanzania - United Republic of age 18-21, *yanjy writes:

Hey am just 20 and my boyfriend wants to finger me... But we don't want to have sex... Is it OK... Or possible..

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (14 November 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntThe mere fact that it is your boyfriend that wants to do it and you are asking is it okay tells me that this is a bad idea. Are you sure you are ready to take your relationship to the next level? If you need to ask if this is okay it sounds like you are not ready. Please don't allow anyone to force you in to something you are not comfortable with. Fingering someone is a very intimate and sexual thing and you need to make sure that you are ready and you want this as well.

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia + , writes (13 November 2017):

femmenoir agony auntDon't ever engage in any sexual activity that you aren't yet ready for or don't feel comfortable doing, even with your bf.

How long have the two of you been together and what type of personality is he?

Is he bossy, demanding, controlling or abusive?

If so, you should say, NO, i'm not ready to do this and i won't.

If he keeps insisting, perhaps you should walk away from this relationship, because chances are, he's not going to change.

Fingering will most likely lead to full sexual intercourse and is this what you really want to do?

If you carry religious and/or cultural convictions, then this becomes taboo when you're unmarried.

My advice is don't rush, nor be pressured into anything sexually and if he cannot wait, he should seek sexual pleasures elsewhere.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 November 2017):

Honeypie agony auntIt all depends.

You think doing a SEXUAL act (and yes, fingering is a sexual act, just like oral, anal, intercourse is) is something you two should be doing?

If he wants to do this... what might he want to do after that? You DO know that he will probably be aroused from this and then what? Do you think 100% that he would not try and convince you to have a "little" sex? To just let him put it in a little or you do this or that to him?

If your culture values "purity" (as in not having had sex before marriage) then this should be a no no.

It's a slippery slope, OP.

If you two are firm believers in no sex, then avoid spending too much time in places were SEX can happen.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (11 November 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWell, of course it is POSSIBLE. Not sure what you mean by is it OK" though?

In my experience, once you start with heavy petting (e.g. fingering), things are likely to escalate quickly and you will probably find yourself in a situation where sex is expected. unless you are BOTH sure you don't want to have full sex.

One rule: don't ever do anything you don't WANT to do. If he is pressuring you into this, walk away.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (11 November 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntPlease do some research on sex education. You need to know how your body works and how men's bodies works. You also need to know how to have safe sex (eventually) and avoid pregnancy and diseases. That is very important.

As for him doing that to you, I wouldn't advise it, as it often leads to more before you're ready. He can do it, but he must be gentle and stop if you tell him to. It's not meant to hurt or make you bleed a lot.

How long have you been with him? Do you trust him not to keep going if you tell him to stop?

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