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Its a year of no contact with married man, I suspect his friends are contacting me on facebook.

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Friends, Marriage problems, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 November 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 3 December 2017)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hello everyone. Thank you for taking the time to read my question. It's a messed up situation but I've been coming here off and on over the situation for a few years now.

Several years ago and crush turned into a long term affair with a married man from work who was "in the process of divorcing". Over time I realized their marriage was falling apart because I was in the picture and I broke it off, breaking my own heart tremendously. Several months later he attempted to contact me again but I blocked him online. A week after that he began claiming his wife online and posting pictures with her, something he didn't do during our whole year and a half affair. I moved on, got another boyfriend for about six months who was a bad fit for me. Right about the time we broke up the guy I'm in love with tried contacting me again but out of panic I blocked his ability to do so and posted every good picture I had of me with the (ex)bf. It's been about a month since then and the exbf found a new girl already etc so it's pretty obvious I'm single. Within the last week, I've gotten emails and friend requests from a lot of people who I'm pretty sure are linked to the married guy. Two are his closest friends, one I've actually met through him once and the other thinks I'm unaware who he is, I carried the conversation to see what he wanted and he was asking how my love life is etc. Am I being paranoid to think it's him attempting to contact me? My heart was torn into pieces over not being with him. I laid in bed for two weeks with swollen eyes crying. But the guilt for hurting his wife was too much for me to be with him. It's been almost a year no contact and I'm still fighting my feelings for him. It's all very confusing to deal with. Any advice from people who are familiar with emotional affairs is appreciated. Others as well

View related questions: affair, am I being paranoid, broke up, crush, facebook, married man

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2017):

Do you REALY LOVE him?

yes - be with him, no - forget him.

So simple..

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (14 November 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntDon't go back there, you don't want to go through that hurt and guilt again. Any person that tries to contact you or add you on social media, don't respond if they are a stranger, that is what I would do anyway, there are lots off strange characters out there.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 November 2017):

Honeypie agony auntBlock him.

Even if it was just a RANDOM guy - you owe NO ONE an update on your love life.

You might also want to consider beefing up your privacy settings.

At some point in your life, you need to forgive yourself and let that part of your past go. Obviously, you have learned from this. "Dating" a married guy is NEVER a good option, whether they claim they are in the middle of a separation or divorce. Could be he LIED about all that. So if they are married, have a fiance or GF.... they should be OF LIMITS.

And while you are working on forgiving yourself for making this mistake and it SURELY was a mistake, take those rose-tinted glasses off and accept that the married guy was NOT as great of a guy as you thought he was. He was willing to disrespect his wife, his marriage, and his family for a little dirty (you) on the side. He cheated on his wife... Had you two gotten together, there is no guarantee he wouldn't at some point cheat on you too.

The fact that he is STILL married and STILL of and on pursuing you should tell you that he isn't LOOKING to BE with you but you have more SEX and INTIMACY with you.

Life is too short to cry over spilled milk and over a guy who WASN'T worth it in the long run.

Chin up, let it go and move on. (and work the security setting on your FB - any request from people you don't know... just ignore them or block them).

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (11 November 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntYou have very high morals, for which you are to be commended. You know you will not be happy with anything but an honest open relationship where nobody else is getting hurt. Much as you love/loved this guy, he turned out not to be able to make you happy. However, dating other people will not necessarily help you get over him - unless you meet someone who really is right for you.

You KNOW these people are contacting you because of your married ex. Block them and having nothing more to do with them. Not sure which social media you are on but pretty sure most have privacy settings that you can close down so that only your "friends" can see your posts.

You and your married ex are trying to outdo each other with "look how happy I am" pics/posts on social media. You need to stop doing that and get on with your life. It is childish behaviour at best. You will feel a lot better if you stop looking at his posts and stop reacting to them. You will then be giving yourself a much better chance of getting over him.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (11 November 2017):

N91 agony auntOf course it's this guy trying to get in touch.

Why else would a random person message you asking about your love life. Block them both and continue moving forwards. Nothing good will come of this.

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A female reader, Dionee' South Africa +, writes (11 November 2017):

Dionee' agony auntNever get involved with someone that is already taken because more often than not, you will be the one that ends up getting hurt.

With that being said, you should block all of these people that are linked to said ex because you´re not allowing yourself to heal with this back and forth. Whether or not it´s him trying to get hold of you is irrelevant because he doesn´t deserve to have you as a part of his life and you should have also known better than to mess with a married man in the first place. What´s done is done and all you need now is to take the time to heal and go back to being who you once were.

I´ll say it again, block all contact and focus on yourself and your healing.

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