A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Since me and my partner have been going through a bit of a rough patch for the past few weeks, we haven't been having sex. I recently found some porn websites on his phone...(I was borrowing his phone, as mine broke.) and he had googled up 'hot naked women'. I'm very upset about this cause I thought that if he's wanking, the longer he won't want to have sex with me. I confronted him and he said he looked at it cause we weren't really having sex lately. Why can't he just want to sort out the relationship, instead of wanking? Sometimes I have to go abroad to work and he watches it whilst I'm away, fine, I don't have a problem with that what so ever...but it's just the fact that he wants to see other naked women! why? does he feel that he wants them or wants to have sex with them? or is it just to get off on it? He explained that there's no emotion involved and it's quick and easy..as soon as it's finished, he completely loses interest and turns it off. I feel betrayed cause it was not so much the fact that he was watching sex, but was perving over a woman's naked body..Should I just feel the fear and do it anyway and watch porn with him? that way i'm involved....Help!
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female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (19 October 2009):
 You both need to discuss this because the longer you leave it the more he will think it is OK.
Whatever the reasons are for not having sex in the first place i would be concentrating on that, he will find ways to watch porn whether your there or not!
Unless your PC has porn blockers and his phone is barred from receiving these kind of images he has easy access at the touch of a button!
If your up for watching it with him then suggest that, maybe he wont be so deceitful then and lying about how much he is viewing to you.
He is right when he says it is quick and easy, my problem would be in case he got addicted to it over a long period and when the porn no longer does it for him then what?
Gina
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Well, quite frankly, what do you expect? You've not allowed sex, what else is he to do other than masturbate? He requires some kind of visual stimulation - what else is there?
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A
male
reader, pyan  +, writes (18 October 2009):
yes look at it with him it will open up communication between you both may even lead to sex
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  + ♥, writes (18 October 2009):
 He probably didn't sort out the relationship problems for the same very reason you didn't. Why don't you ask yourself that question? Porn isn't the issue here.
It's like my sister who doesn't go to college yet gets mad at her husband for not going- so both are stuck in a rut, arguing, not improving themselves. I asked her what stopped her from going- too hard, she says, not enough time. Well, that's why he doesn't go so why are you mad at him for something you aren't even able to do yourself? Hmmm...big concept. Answer that question before you try to work things out with him.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  + ♥, writes (18 October 2009):
 Why ain't you two having sex recently? Seems there is more going on.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy + ♥, writes (18 October 2009):
I think you need to talk to him about your relationship and try to fix what's going wrong. I'm afraid to say that 99% of men look at porn for the reasons he said. It's quick and easy. He does love you, so don't feel threatened. Talk to him and tell him you're unhappy about him looking at it when you're in the house. Hopefully, he'll listen to you and understand.
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