A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have been with my boyfriend who I love very much for 2 years. He was in an unhappy relationship for 20 years, and basically stayed until his children had grown up. When he left, although there was no love between him and his wife, it turned quite bitter. They have since calmed down and are freinds again, and he still looks after her and there children fiancially. I pay almost everything for me and him to live while he still pays for his house until its sold in a month or so.(he will get nothing from this as he is giving everything to her and his kids). This I dont mind, as its his money and he should do what he thinks is right.My problem is, he was so loving to me at first, but now it seems to be an effort to show me any affection at all. I just dont know what to do, about this. I have known this person for years, and I knew exactly what he was like before, and he has never been so cold towards me.I thought maybe he wanted to go back, so I told him he should go, if this is what he wants. He says its not, and that I am driving him mad. I get really upset as his ex is always texting him, and I cant see why he cant talk in front of me. I have never hidden anything from him, I feel honesty in a relationship is of the ut-most importance.He is drinking and smoking really heavy, and Its making me so depressed, as I dont know what the answer is. I have tried to talk to him, but he will not discuss things for long and tells me I am being silly and insecure. And I know that is seems like I am. But he will go round to her house and not answer the phone to me, and yet i know he has it glued to him most of the time.I did take some of my mates advice and tell him to go, even though I didnt want to. He got really upset and said, do you know what I have gone through to be with you, and told me i was selfish. I am at my wits end, how can someone lay this on you, but be so cold towards you. I have just gone up to him, put my arms around him and told him how much I love him, and nothing. He didnt even hug me back. And yet In front of his mates he cuddles me and tells me i am his baby. But at home, its like I am not there.Please help, is this just a faze he is going through, I dont feel I am in my right mind anymore.I have told him time and time again, not to stay with me if he doesn't love me. But he just looks at me gets in a huff and walks off. I was in a very bad relationship before him. It was very violent and my ex nearly killed me, I am beggining to wish he had.I am sorry this is so long, but I needed to give background on this. Please Please help.
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female
reader, trueheartconfused  +, writes (26 April 2007):
Hi; Wow , he will hug you and kiss you and say you are his babyin front of his friends , I am jealous ! Most men don't do that . We often ask why men only show affections towards women in the beginning of the relationship , when they get more comfortable they will not put in so much efforts any moreas we women do , well , maybe this is just the way men are,when you two first met, everything was fresh and new, bothof you were on your best behaviors, but after a while , theinfatuation will subside , you can not expect any men totreat you like they do in the beginning of the relationship forever, that's unrealistic, nobody can do that. So back to the questions about he and his ex-wife, I don't really think you should see her as a threat, after20 years of marriage, both of them thought about it longand hard and decided to break it off, who knew , maybe you are the reason that he finally got the courage to leavehis wife and kids. He must've loved you very much !Think about what he said to you , he must've given up a lotof things to be with you , you don't feel it doesn't meanit is not true. Teach him how to love you by loving him first, as I cansee , you are not the only one in pain, he is probably in pain too because you keep on pushing him and telling himyou are unhappy , that must've hurt a lot hearing you saythat. Try to understand him first and give him lots of love,most likely things will start to get better, if not , it ishis loss , never yours . Good luck.
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