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He unfriended me for no good reason

Tagged as: Friends, Online dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 March 2013) 5 Answers - (Newest, 13 March 2013)
A female Ireland age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Good day to all my lovely agony aunts and uncles. Hope you all have been well. :)

Tbh, this is more of a friendship-love problem instead of a relationship one, but it would be nice if I could still get help.

Recently, one of my closest friends (Let's call him Tom) removed me from Facebook, and all the other social networking sites for that matter. Now, it may sound like a really childish and mediocre problem, but it's really not his actions that have hurt me, but the rationale behind it. :(

He didn't provide a truthful reason behind his actions, and instead just laughed it off and made it sound like a joke. I tried to mirror his actions and pretend that it didn't hurt though it really did. A lot, in fact. :(

So, taking heed from my best friend's advice, I really went to accost him. Still, he didn't provide a reason as to why he did that and said, "I knew I'd add you back soon enough." If that was so, then why remove me from twitter and all in the first place?

What's worse is the fact that he didn't apologize at all. He simply found it funny. I really couldn't take it, and thus, Tom is ignoring me as of now.

I really do like Tom as a friend, and once, an unrequited love. But I have a boyfriend now that I love dearly, and I don't feel that way for Tom anymore. Still, it was really heartbreaking and I don't know what to do concerning Tom anymore.

I doubt he'd come and apologize to me since I'm not really important to him (I guess...) and I don't want to crawl back and apologize again when I don't think that I've done anything wrong. (Have I?)

What should I do, my fellow aunts and uncles? Perhaps I really ought to move on and forget him? It'll hurt a lot though..

View related questions: best friend, facebook, move on

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013):

This is rather simple. You have done zero wrong except for passing it off a joke when you mirrored his reaction. You should have been honest about how it was.

So here's the deal OP.

He upset you, pissed you off and did something hurtful to you. What does he do when you ask him why? He says nothing, doesn't tell you, doesn't even apologize. Is that what you call a friend? I don't, that's a pretty big sign of disrespect.

Now deleting off twitter etc. is no big deal really, but the overall way he's acting is totally fucked up, he is intentionally being a prick to you and it sounds to me like he's intentionally trying to hurt you by playing games.

OP he's hurting you now, so if you decide to remain his friend and put up with this he's just going to keep doing it.

He's not acting like a friend at all, he's acting like a dickhead and you need to give up on him and get rid of him until such time as he can man up and stop acting like a child. tell you why he removed you and apologizes for creating this entire situation.

OP why would you want to stay friends with a guy who doesn't mind intentionally hurting you this way? What benefit is there to having a guy who can so easily turn around and do something to upset you and then not give you a good reason for it?

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A female reader, chinana Romania +, writes (13 March 2013):

chinana agony auntHe probably liked you more that just a friend and the fact that you have a boyfriend now doesnt go down well with Tom so he got upset. By deleting you off the social networks its about self-preservation, he doesnt want to see pics of you with somebody else or your changing relationship status etc. He has done this so that he can move on.

Just give him time and space maybe someday he will come around when he is ready and get over it or maybe he wont. If you are a good friend then you would stop bugging him and just let it be for now.

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (13 March 2013):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntStop making this dramatic. Move on. The guy is an immature idiot n not worth ur energy at all. Simple.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (13 March 2013):

He obviously had a reason or he wouldn't have done it. Only he knows why, but I wouldn't worry about something you can't change if I were you.

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A female reader, LaceratedReality Australia +, writes (13 March 2013):

Perhaps he likes you more than a friend and seeing your life constantly pop up on the Internet is hurtful to him?

Perhaps he just did it because he has a bad sense of humour, nobody here can say.

When it comes down to Facebook is not important at all and I suggest you move on.

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