| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi Im currently in a relationship with a man of 37 I'm 21 We are engaged and living together 2 years. He has 2 children to a women he was married to ten years, they split up 2 years before we met.I have cheated on him in the past and I deeply regret it as I love him with all my heart, he knows and cant trust me now. I agreed to have a 3sum for him as he said when i'd done one it would proove I love him and afterwards he would trust me and we can get married, as we are engaged. I hated the 3sum it hurt really bad but I done it for him anyway. He is abusive at times and seems controlling but I love him so much. Now he's sying he can't trust me when were apart and always thinks im up to somthing but I would not jepordise our relationship again how do I make him realise this ?
View related questions:
engaged, split up, threesome Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, love crazy +, writes (7 October 2006):
well i think this is a relationship u should run away from. do u really want to marry a man who pretty much convinced u to have a 3some and use marriage and forgiveness as a ploy to get what he wants? what are u going to do when he trys to get u to have another 3some, and then another. what excuse is he going to use this time? and honey if he is abusive to u, it is only going to get worse, and by the time u figure out that u are in a bad situation, it may be to late. are u really going to allow a man to hurt u? is he worth all the pain. love is not supposed to hurt or be painful, its supposed to be wonderful, with little ups and downs. girl u have got to run, ur young and beautiful, there are many other men out there who would love to be with u, just dont cheat.
A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (2 October 2006):
 Prove you love him?? What a load of shite!
I will never understand the joy of seeing your partner being rammed by another guy. (I am assuming it was another guy by reading your post).
I agree with the others, he has no respect for you if he even considered this. He is abusing you as he feels he has a power hold over you because you cheated. He is using this as a form of punishment, thus heightening his sense of power.
...............................
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (2 October 2006):
 How does a 3some make someone feel trust for you? he just used the fact you cheated on him as a way to get what he wanted from you.
He is controlling you and using your cheating as his excuse and reason to why he feels he is right to expect these things of you, you are going to continue wanting to marry him and him moving the goal posts as he slowly gets what he wants whether you want to do these things or not.
I would suggest you leave him and hopefully this will wake him up to what he is doing and that he can't treat people this way.
Good luck :o)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): The point is, how do you make YOU realize this man is a first-class jerk who you need to drop like a hot potato?!
True, you were wrong to cheat on him, but as others said, he so obviously doesn't respect your wishes. Abusive, controlling, doesn't trust you - YUCK!
Have more respect for yourself and your own well being than to tolerate this slimeball for one more minute! LEAVE or have him move out).
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): "... make him realise this". Hee. You cant make anyone realise anything. Try talking sense to one of these 'Penagon missle theory' nutters- the facts always get discounted and rearranged to let them keep on thinking whatever they need to believe.
So forget trying to 'prove' something.
Anyway, I dont see any reason for a 21 yo in your situtaion to be getting married (or even living with the dude). Why dont you wait until you are 25... it takes the pressure off for now and I think you will see things differently them....
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): If somebody loves you they would respect your wishes and not force it upon the other person.Do you honestly think that having a 3some would help matters when there is odvoiously trust issues.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (2 October 2006):
 People who truly love you dont make you do things you dont want to. Get out NOW.
...............................
A
female
reader, camille +, writes (2 October 2006):
 Why would you want to make him realise this? Why are you not running as fast as you can in the opposite direction away from this vile man? What exactly is it about him that you love? He's abusive and he manipulated you into a situation he knew you were unhappy about. He did it by emotional blackmail. Quite frankly you should have left him when he suggested the threesome, this was his way of getting revenge for you cheating. You're no saint for cheating but that doesn't mean that your guilt should force you into doing something you don't want to do. You are still so young and so please don't waste anymore time on a man 16 years your senior who doesn't respect you, doesn't trust you and doesn't appear to love you.
...............................
|
