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female
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*ior
writes: ive only slept with one guy my boyfriend and he has always said how good the sex is really good but then he just says its got rubbish and used to be good but ive got big (if u get what i mean) but then he will come back to me still and want to have sex loads still.i dont know what to do, i duno whether hes just saying it or if he means it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, joanna44 +, writes (22 May 2006):
 you should leave him, how dare he say that to you, your worth more girl and make him see that.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (22 May 2006):
 First you should make it clear that he is out of line for saying that to you. It's disrespectful and is really not going to help your self esteem. He's also talking nonsense by the way. If he keeps doing it you should probably leave him.
If you two stay together you need to try to have an open talk about sex. Each of you should tell the other what you like, and what you don't like, about what the other is doing.
Be very very careful to state what you don't like in as positive a way as possible. This is really hard, but important. If it comes across as criticism, you'll likely end up having an argument.
Focus on talking about the stuff you do like, and then try to do more of that when you have sex. Discuss things you both might like to try and then try them.
Men are often really really bad at talking about sex, and at asking for something they want. But give give us some encouragement, like 'I really like having sex with you, but wondered if you could do more of ... I really like that a lot" , and we can improve with some patience.
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (22 May 2006):
 This guy is being downright abusive and I would strongly suggest you tell him to take his miniscule penis elsewhere!! How dare he say something like that - he is trying to demolish your self esteem with cruel words.
Next time he comes for some fun tell him to take a hike. Find someone that you love and treats you right. Don't put up with his awful behaviour.
xx
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (22 May 2006):
 Sex is important to a relationship but it is not the sole basis of the relationship. I don't think you will be that 'big' unless you have had lots of children! Either way, sex and relationships is rather more than about the size of your personal bits. His criticism is not really about your sexual abilities (if sex is 'rubbish' then it must mean he is 'rubbish' at doing it surely?). I rather suspect this is about a bigger problem in your relationship. You shouldn't put up with being disrespected by anyone and boyfriends are supposed to be nice to you, especially one's that get lots of sex! He is putting you down sexually because he is feeling inadequate himself, and expresses that by taking it out on you. You must know that if sex was really 'rubbish' with you, he wouldn't be coming back for more! Perhaps he is scared that you will leave him for another sexual partner, and thinks that by telling you that you lack sexual abilities he will make you feel less attractive and less confident about your abilities to look elsewhere.
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