A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why is it my boyfriend says "dunno" to everything, i say to him "what we doing tomorrow" his reply "dunno" But yet he complains we never do anything, i am forever suggesting things, like bobbing uptown for something to do, then he makes excuses up saying that he never goes up town, cause he don't like it. i am rather confused even to the small things he always says dunno. And when i get a bit annoyed and get a bit ratty, the only EVER reply i get is "why be like that" seriously he never says any thing different. I feel like he is ashamed of me, i have addresses him about why he will never go uptown with me, and he just ends up saying the same stuff "cause i dont like it" "i never go" and then i say "well are you ashamed of me" or "you worried about bumping into someone" then as usually the only once again EVER reply i get is "be like that then" "believe what you want". I am starting to feel very very un-loved, and i feel like he is very ashamed of me. Yes i have spoke to him but he still will NEVER come uptown with me, or do anything. I understand we have little money but even a walk with the dog he isn't very keen on. He says he wants me but it certainly does not feel like it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): You somewhat sound like you're smothering him. Take a little time apart from each other (like a few days or a week) then he'll want to be with you. But if you keep insisting "we do this together or that together," it becomes a bit annoying (even if it is with someone we love).
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (8 August 2010):
 Dump his lazy butt.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 August 2010):
 You know, he might be depressed. Sometimes, when someone is dealing with depression, all they want to do is isolate themselves from the public and lose all ambition to do anything. If he's complaining that you both never do anything, he could be in a mental fog and unable to think or make a decision for himself.
You becoming defensive and accusing him of being ashamed of you outright might not achieve the best results. You need to sit him down, maybe over dinner, and tell him what YOU need. Tell him that you miss when he thinks of things to do, and you love it when he takes you out on the town and makes you feel special. Tell him that you miss that romantic side of him.
Make sure you tell him using "I feel" instead of "You never" or "you always" comments. Make him feel like it's an issue he can solve instead of an issue he's the cause of, even if you feel that he IS the cause. Tell him that you feel that when he says "dunno", it makes you feel like he's fallen out of love for you.
Also, depression is a tough thing. He could be discouraged about your lack of money and could view you wanting to take him out like you want more than he can give you. In this, you can help him. He can lean on your ambition as well as your love for him. Also, think about the things you do appreciate about him and let him know them. You can be a key in helping him, as he is also the key in helping you.
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